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A song that needs the chorus. Help me with the idea!

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Arthur_Satine

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« on: August 07, 2017, 03:30:06 PM »
Just listen and tell me what you think about it. I can't write the chorus. Just have no ideas. ???

Link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-51115207/d1-1

Here is the lyrics:

VERSE 1

It’s so hard to write a song that everyone will like
I’m trying to make my thoughts quieter
Oh, Is it right?

I ask myself at night will it be better if I…
Don’t wanna think about what I’m gonna do in this life.
And all I ever wanted is the music and people that will be with me until the day when I stop breathing

Сan I find them?
Where can I find them?

CHORUS

(empty)

VERSE 2

I found the music that makes me feel insane
Time has stopped in 2012, but my life began
Every day that I spent in deep regrets
Thing of the past, cause I'm not afraid

This woman showed me how to be strong,
How to feel free
How to write, how to sing, how to find another people.

Now I found them
Yes, I found them

CHORUS again





Darren1664

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« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2017, 05:54:10 PM »
Hi mate

First off - this has a lot going for it, so please stick with it.

Reading the lyrics I didn't really get from them what you were trying too express? (Most likely me being dense) It might help if you explained them so you can try and steer the chorus in the right direction? The music supporting it is nicely produced and I found it to be quite atmospheric. I really enjoyed the big crackly drum I could hear towards the end - felt like a great close to the track.

It was quite distracting just having the click tracks where the chorus should live but I get that you don't have anything to put there yet.

I will say for the chorus the song needs a lift. So you will want to maybe think about adding some brighter instruments, I'm not too familiar with the genre so would you call them synths? :P anyway add something that will brighten it up as the verse (as good as I think they are) are quite dark sounding.

You may find it easier to write the music for the chorus and then come back to the lyrics, keeping in mind the message you are trying to portray. So throw something in there and experiment. I have always found music to be quite organic in that way - the harder you look for the right chorus the more it alludes you. Experiment and you might just find that the chorus finds you, as cheesy as that sounds.

Anyway thanks for sharing and good luck on your venture. Hope you find the words and sound you are looking for :)

Take care

Darren

PopTodd

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« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2017, 06:09:07 PM »
Lyrical idea for the chorus:

"I'll find it in myself
Find it in myself
Yes, find it it in myself
And now I'm never gonna lose it..."
(x2)

second chorus:
"I found it in myself...
(etc.)"

I have an idea for the melody, too. Haven't recorded anything and I can't because I'm here at work, but let's suffice to say that it's a lift. Anthemic.
And yes, some brighter instruments underneath would be exactly right.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2017, 06:12:31 PM by PopTodd »

Martinswede

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« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2017, 08:39:43 PM »
I suggest going for a change to the fifth chord/dominant (G in C major). To me it has this hopefulness that could contrast well to the verses. If hopeful is what you want...

Lyrically I have no advice. I suggest you start thinking in terms of themes. What is the main emotion in the song and so forth.

You have a voice that I believe can bring life to a very simple lyrical idea. Maybe you could just experiment  and mess around with a single word until you find a melody you like and go from there.

Martin

PopTodd

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« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2017, 10:06:16 PM »
I suggest going for a change to the fifth chord/dominant (G in C major). To me it has this hopefulness that could contrast well to the verses. If hopeful is what you want...

Lyrically I have no advice. I suggest you start thinking in terms of themes. What is the main emotion in the song and so forth.

You have a voice that I believe can bring life to a very simple lyrical idea. Maybe you could just experiment  and mess around with a single word until you find a melody you like and go from there.

Martin

You see, I have no theoretical knowledge like this with which to get my ideas across. But it sounds good!

Arthur_Satine

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« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2017, 10:21:26 PM »
I suggest going for a change to the fifth chord/dominant (G in C major). To me it has this hopefulness that could contrast well to the verses. If hopeful is what you want...

Lyrically I have no advice. I suggest you start thinking in terms of themes. What is the main emotion in the song and so forth.

You have a voice that I believe can bring life to a very simple lyrical idea. Maybe you could just experiment  and mess around with a single word until you find a melody you like and go from there.

Martin

Thanks, I'll think about it!

Arthur_Satine

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« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2017, 10:23:49 PM »
Hi mate

First off - this has a lot going for it, so please stick with it.

Reading the lyrics I didn't really get from them what you were trying too express? (Most likely me being dense) It might help if you explained them so you can try and steer the chorus in the right direction? The music supporting it is nicely produced and I found it to be quite atmospheric. I really enjoyed the big crackly drum I could hear towards the end - felt like a great close to the track.

It was quite distracting just having the click tracks where the chorus should live but I get that you don't have anything to put there yet.

I will say for the chorus the song needs a lift. So you will want to maybe think about adding some brighter instruments, I'm not too familiar with the genre so would you call them synths? :P anyway add something that will brighten it up as the verse (as good as I think they are) are quite dark sounding.

You may find it easier to write the music for the chorus and then come back to the lyrics, keeping in mind the message you are trying to portray. So throw something in there and experiment. I have always found music to be quite organic in that way - the harder you look for the right chorus the more it alludes you. Experiment and you might just find that the chorus finds you, as cheesy as that sounds.

Anyway thanks for sharing and good luck on your venture. Hope you find the words and sound you are looking for :)

Take care

Darren

Thank you very much, I hope it will help me

Cazrolina

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« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2017, 12:35:15 AM »
ooh. Great track. I could imagine anthemic higher melody stuff too. 

This all just fell out of my head. Here's my oar as usual - NB. I'm a "bright ideas" person but this doesn't mean its always right or bright, for that matter :) - but if anything helps as a chorus idea, or for further inspiration etc, go for it.  If you want the melody just shout.

Is there anybody out there / tell me you are out there
tell me you can hear me   / can anybody hear this
help me fill this silence   / won't you fill the silence
and take away the void  / xxsomething somethingxx noise

Laters
Caz :)
Caz
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Arthur_Satine

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« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2017, 05:12:43 PM »
ooh. Great track. I could imagine anthemic higher melody stuff too. 

This all just fell out of my head. Here's my oar as usual - NB. I'm a "bright ideas" person but this doesn't mean its always right or bright, for that matter :) - but if anything helps as a chorus idea, or for further inspiration etc, go for it.  If you want the melody just shout.

Is there anybody out there / tell me you are out there
tell me you can hear me   / can anybody hear this
help me fill this silence   / won't you fill the silence
and take away the void  / xxsomething somethingxx noise

Laters
Caz :)

I think I know what you mean. This melody talks about things that are not in the lyrics.
I'll consider your idea!