Lyrics lm working on.. brutal feedback please

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diademgrove

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« Reply #15 on: July 28, 2017, 10:40:10 PM »

It was bad advice! Backward. I had the mistaken understanding that instability stopped the flow of the lyrics, but it actually moves them forward by making the listener wanting something more. My whole understanding of the use of rhyme and rhythm was basically upside down, so instead of trying to rewrite that paragraph I just removed it. Not a huge change. ;) But I did feel the need to take out the inaccurate bits of info.

Thanks for the links. Heading out to give them a listen.

Please let me know what you think of the songs.


Jenna

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« Reply #16 on: July 28, 2017, 10:41:38 PM »

It was bad advice! Backward. I had the mistaken understanding that instability stopped the flow of the lyrics, but it actually moves them forward by making the listener wanting something more. My whole understanding of the use of rhyme and rhythm was basically upside down, so instead of trying to rewrite that paragraph I just removed it. Not a huge change. ;) But I did feel the need to take out the inaccurate bits of info.

Thanks for the links. Heading out to give them a listen.

Please let me know what you think of the songs.



Very interesting. I'd go into more detail, but only popped in for a brief and feeling the pressure to get a move onto other commitments. I just wanted to let you know that I did listen and will have more time after the weekend to comment further.

Vintage54

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« Reply #17 on: July 29, 2017, 08:15:35 PM »

    Hello, and welcome aboard,
        Do i think this song is worth pursuing, definitely! It starts off well with a good rhythm and flow, then loses it's way after the second verse. But i'm sure with a little more care, and time it could develop into a pretty good song. I'm not the best person to ask for advice, i'm no teacher, just an amateur scribbler, but i know what i like. Anything i learned from this game i learned from the masters, the top lyricists and poets, they're the best teachers. Just keep listening to them and learning, and read a lot of verse. One last piece of advice, "if it doesn't come naturally leave it" The more you stick at it ,the better you'll get.

                               Best wishes
                                 Vintage54

Sea

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« Reply #18 on: July 30, 2017, 10:31:07 AM »
Thank you again to everyone who responded, its very much appreciated :)

lv been working on this poem to make it into a lyrical song. lm really happy how its turning out.im putting into practice what lm learning from the Berklee Course website, and applying them in stages to my lyrics. By doing it that way, l can see where my poetic prose base is not working for lyrics. in fact the process of songwriting study is helping me understand writing in general.

 l love this studying, just wish l had more time.im spending about 4  hrs a day and love every minute in of it. If I'm still as serious about it by next Spring l will consider taking a proper Lyricist Course to get qualifications. All this practice/research will have been a good starting point which l hope will make an intense Course easier for me to do.

 lv found my lyrics writing is becoming more 'expressive' as l practice and more of a 'story' plus found a chorus lm really happy with. lm just working on the verses as l know lv made them too long to be put to music.

As l read out the chorus lv wrote , a tune even pops into my head lol.

Its not going to be my 'masterpiece' lol but it will be my first song lyric practice that lv applied what lv learnt about song writing structure..which l hope will help me when l write my second lyric.

lm sure as soon as lv learnt the structure process of songwriting, it will be so much easier, as lv got loads of lyric songs idea :)

As soon as lm happy with the re write ( not sure how long that will take me, will probably take months)  l will pop it back on the forum at a future date to ask for feedback :)
thank you all again :)