Thank you again to everyone who responded, its very much appreciated
lv been working on this poem to make it into a lyrical song. lm really happy how its turning out.im putting into practice what lm learning from the Berklee Course website, and applying them in stages to my lyrics. By doing it that way, l can see where my poetic prose base is not working for lyrics. in fact the process of songwriting study is helping me understand writing in general.
l love this studying, just wish l had more time.im spending about 4 hrs a day and love every minute in of it. If I'm still as serious about it by next Spring l will consider taking a proper Lyricist Course to get qualifications. All this practice/research will have been a good starting point which l hope will make an intense Course easier for me to do.
lv found my lyrics writing is becoming more 'expressive' as l practice and more of a 'story' plus found a chorus lm really happy with. lm just working on the verses as l know lv made them too long to be put to music.
As l read out the chorus lv wrote , a tune even pops into my head lol.
Its not going to be my 'masterpiece' lol but it will be my first song lyric practice that lv applied what lv learnt about song writing structure..which l hope will help me when l write my second lyric.
lm sure as soon as lv learnt the structure process of songwriting, it will be so much easier, as lv got loads of lyric songs idea
As soon as lm happy with the re write ( not sure how long that will take me, will probably take months) l will pop it back on the forum at a future date to ask for feedback
thank you all again