[TheFluorescentAdolescent]

Just a fun little melody i had in my head and i made these lyrics first to try and match something up with the flow i had in mind, please give your thoughts







Sweet Dreams

A second world, it lies
Between being dead or alive   
Where your best kept fantasies
Are waiting daily for you to       
be in sight

Another dimension, it cries
As the real world passes you by
Where your hopes and dreams
Are only true
At night

I want it all
 But I can’t have it all
So I’ll go to sleep
So I can keep
My sweet dreams
I want it now
I want it now
So I’ll fall asleep
So I can reap
In my sweet dreams


In my house, I need some love
Like in my fantasies above
I’d like to get myself a partner
Who waits daily for me to
Arrive

In my life, I need some fame
Like it my dreams it came
Where my treasures and golds
And stories to be told
Survive

I want it all
 But I can’t have it all
So I’ll go to sleep
So I can keep
My sweet dreams
I want it now
I want it now
So I’ll fall asleep
So I can reap
In my sweet dreams
In my sweet dreams.

[hazzaj500]

very nice

[Oldbutyet]

Hey TheFluorescentAdolescent welcome.

I would start with the first five lines of your chorus.

I want it all
But I can’t have it all
So I’ll go to sleep
So I can keep
My sweet dreams

Just to get the listener into the "Sweet Dreams"  as for your first verse as you have it here to me its to heavy, it start with "A second world, it lies Between being dead or alive"  to me the imagery of sweet dreams is put of by the words dead or alive.

[kartman]

Hi! I like it and it clicked with me because just couple days ago I posted the lyrics for review here about kinda the same subject

I like the flow of the chorus. One thing I'd tweak is "I want it now / But I cant get it now" to mirror the first two lines "I want it all / But I can’t have it all", but whatever.

To me your 1st and 2nd verses have different point of view ("you") and tone (lengthy vowels, dreamy and metaphorical) than 3d and 4th verses (more concrete and to the point). Sure nothing wrong with that, its just that I feel 3d and 4th to be more like a bridge.

Also I noticed that in 4th verse rhyme structure is a bit different than in others - lies/alive/sight in 1st vs. fame/came/survive in 4th. Again, its fine, just feels a bit peculiar. Could actually sound great when singing.

In terms of music it instantly made me think of this piece
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAmt6zN9vOk
Your first two verses fit very well to this tune.