[Yodasdad]

Hi,

This one was created in a different way to usual.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/breathless-and-confused-m-blair-2017

I was asked to write a short exerpt of music for the teen market for a project that someone is working on. What I created was the chorus to this track, fully finished and produced but only a chorus existed. I then worked backwards and filled the rest of the song in around it.

It was interesting to work this way but when the rest of the song took shape, I nearly decided to replace the original chorus with something completely different.

Anyway, over to you, I 'd love to hear your feedback, good or bad.

Thanks

Yodasdad

Breathless and Confused - © M Blair 2017

V1
Breathless
As I watch her pass I’m breathless
When she looks at me
I’m sure I start to fall apart

V2
Senseless
Someone bring me to my senses
She’s like a drug to me
I’ve been hooked right from the start

Pre chorus
How can i ignore those perfect lips
When she pouts them out, without a doubt they’re calling out to me.

Chorus
The girls got moves
She’s harder to read than a shakespeare sonnet
She’ll smile at you
then she’ll Tear out your heart and just stamp right on it
Although her eyes seem lonely
she’s got a smile that says phone me
she’ll leave you breathless and confused

V3
Reckless
She’s got right under my defences
Like a tomahawk
leaving me nowhere to hide

V4
Restless
She’s on my mind all day it’s endless
hopeless fantasies
of me there by her side

Pre chorus
I dream about the way she’d feel to kiss
If she’d only stop and notice how I’m hopeless to resist.

Mid 8
She’s not the only girl to choose from
but she’s the only one that moves me in this way
I think i’m just about to lose it
And she doesn’t even know my name

[Darren1664]

Nice catchy song mate! The lyrics are great! I really loved the pre chorus lines where the rhythm really synced in with the beat...leads nicely to the chorus.

A nice contrast between verses and chorus...the slow verse pick up to a powerful and catchy chorus. It's interesting that you worked backwards here, you've done a great jobs of it!

Now if I'm being really picky (and I only am because the quality of your work is so high) but I think I would have preferred less going on in the verses. Your vocal is really strong and I felt you could have gotten away without some of the backing instruments and this would have furthered the contrast between verse and chorus. That said that's just me being me. As always great stuff from you

Thanks

Darren

[pompeyjazz]

This is great Yoda. Very modern sound and groove and your vocals are excellent.  It's as catchy as fug.  Nice to work in a different way occasionally 

[PaulyX]

Since you wrote that this started as "something for the teen market", I was expecting it wouldn't be my cup of splosh, but actually I thought this was great.  Some trademark YD touches like that big leap in vocal range between the first verse and second verse (dang, wish I could do that...).  There are some great unusual lyrics too - I love the rhyme of "lonely" with "phone me"; and also the tomahawk imagery.  To my ears this is the way teen pop SHOULD be. I hope whoever's project it was went well - with this in it, it should.

[shadowfax]

A fine..fine track..good production..good singing..good lyrics..so everything was good then ..

really fab work!!

[s.l.wolf]

This is very good. I do feel like it could be better if it was a little shorter, if you could give up one of the verses. Which is probably a lot to ask, I know how attached one could be to their lyrics.

[IronKnee]

Love the vibe....great performances! Sounds very professional. You have a nice touch in the ole studio.
Good stuff!
                          -Tom

[Skub]

Yo YD.

You are getting quite the modern sound on your songs these days,I assume that's by design rather than incidental.

Very listenable and the product of crafty craft. 

[PaulAds]

Great sound and great vocals...I think it fits the teen market perfectly...as if I would know 

no reason at all why this couldn't be a commercial success...it's every bit as good as the stuff I occasionally catch as I'm stumbling around, middle-aged, in a world I can only hope I don't understand.

a very accomplished piece of writing, I reckon...you're on top of your game 

[adamfarr]

Really enjoying the vocals and melody here - that leap upwards!

Perhaps there's a few too many instrument tracks for a really modern hit sound? Not that it matters, and actually I was getting a bit of a cool retro and maybe a little indie sound here from the guitars, maybe INXS or something... And I hesitate to go there but the first line reminded me so much of Morrisey! (Probably my problem not yours!)

Really like the lyric structure and the *-less theme, a good write I think!

[Cazrolina]

Another cracking melody YD. I loved the break to mid 8 and bass line. Just fab. Nicely done

[digger72]

Hi

Great overall sound to this - sounds fresh and modern.

I got a slight hint of Morrisey in the early part of the vocal too. Didn't last long.

Strong melodies throughout the vocal.

Really liked the guitar parts.

Bright and breezy. Poptastic.

Digger

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Great backing....great vocal.

Lyric is built nicely for me...i'm a fan of repeated ideas like the 'breathless..senseless...restless..reckless' thing. For similar reasons I prefer pre-chorus 1 with its multiple -out rhymes in the last line.

Middle 8 does a good job.

Really hard to fault as a bit of songwriting and as a catchy, poppy song.

[TheButcher]

HI;

really like the vocals, the melodies, the music and the mood.

I d criticise the mix; i m suffering with this stuff too

the snare has no "punch"; mixing drums is super hard....blabla...i love your song and how it develops. great.

B.

[Morefrog Jones]

Super production and a great indie Pop song - right up my street.
Very jealous of this one - This is top notch stuff.