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A Rainbow & A Dove

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s.l.wolf

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« on: July 12, 2017, 01:15:01 PM »
Hello :)

So, I wrote this song about a year ago.


Here is the YouTube link:




Here is the SoundCloud link:

https://soundcloud.com/slotfyalqady/rainbow-dove

  • Does the melody have the ability to draw you in, & make you feel something?
  • Do the lyrics have potential to get in your head, make you think about yourself & your own life?
  • Does it flow from section to section in a way that works? If not, any advice to fix the transitioning points?
  • What are the weakest points, what does it need to boost it up, make it better, especially musically?
  • What is your opinion overall, is it's any good or not

Lyrics:

I saw a picture of me in the sunlight
I was young and in my eyes hope shined bright
I looked at life as an adventure
I remember that afternoon in December

I was ready to run to the end of the world
smiling to the tunes of hope I heard
the breeze made my hair dance
the sunlight on the pavement told me I had a chance

but can you see me now
through the fog
my dim eyes and how
these years have been so long

can you tell it's me
with this frown
these bars in front of me
the screeching sound

the edges of the picture were torn
it's funny how its moving in my mind
I had drive to drive me through the storms
all the music was mine

had a smile like I knew it all
if you could see what I see
 no cracks in my soul when I fall
if you only you could see that me

but one day I looked up above
I saw a rainbow and a dove
I told myself to choose this fight
dive in with all of my might

climb out of this hole
grab on to the cracks in the wall
maybe then I'll find my stepping stones
maybe then I'll reach a pot of gold

by this fog I am defined
but I will run
to the life I left behind
and find the sun

maybe waiting is not wise
but I will not compromise
I will stand tall
I will hear that call
\\
I will stand tall
I will hear that call

I'll take a picture of me in the sunlight
in my eyes hope will shine bright
I'll look at life as an adventure
a moment to always remember

I would be ready to run to the end of the world
as I smile to the tunes of hope I heard
the breeze will make my hair dance
the sunlight on the pavement will tell me I have a chance
I have a chance
I have a chance



« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 04:55:06 PM by s.l.wolf »
"I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2017, 05:19:14 PM »
Beautifully said in the lyrics. 

The timing between the vocal and the instrumental is very unusual.  That's either a good thing, or a bad thing, and I have to listen several more times before I have an opinion on which it is. 

I did notice that your "flow" and the connection between the vocal and the instrumental improves as you get into the song.  That is not uncommon.  The way I overcome that is to perform the song twice when I'm recording, and to only record the second time through.  That way, I'm vocally "in the flow" and don't have to get my bearings. 

I'm pretty sure by now (your song has ended, and I'm still typing) that the unusual timing that I heard is a good thing.  It was less unusual by the time the song ended, and by the end of the song, it was unusual in a good way that made the song unique.   

You have marvelous songwriting instincts in my opinion. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2017, 07:07:49 PM »
  • Does the melody have the ability to draw you in, & make you feel something?
I'm not sure about this. The melody is very repetitious and does not vary much in pattern or range...almost, but not quite, like a chant. A chant can be mesmerizing and is good for encouraging reflection.
Quote
  • Do the lyrics have potential to get in your head, make you think about yourself & your own life?
Yes. I especially like the use of near rhymes to create some instability.
Quote
  • Does it flow from section to section in a way that works? If not, any advice to fix the transitioning points?
I like the contrasts in the guitar playing styles from section to section. For me it definitely works.
Quote
  • What are the weakest points, what does it need to boost it up, make it better, especially musically?
Possible weak spots: I remember that afternoon in December Why December? Is the afternoon in December specifically important to the song? It doesn't work for me, as the rest of the song seems to be a description of (1) how you used to be, (2) how you are now and (3) how you plan/expect to get back to the more desirable way you used to be. It feels more expansive than any specific afternoon in December.

but one day I looked up above. I have an automatic bias against the phrase "up above" (or "on high"). They're just too cliché for me. Of course, I'm guilty of using them myself, so I can't say much! :P But I'm sure there's a better way to get this point across. To stick with the rainbow and dove image, you might try something like, "Then suddenly one day I saw / A rainbow promise and a dove". Still too cliché sounding for me, but a little better. You can probably do far better with a little thought.

by this fog I am defined. I always try to keep the flow of phrases natural. I would never say to to someone "By this fog I am defined." I would say, "I am defined by this fog." Unnatural turns of phrases, in my opinion, weaken the line. This would be a deeper rewrite, but it's possible. For instance, something like this might work: "I am defined by the haze / But I will run / Back to my life of brighter days / I'll find the sun."

in my eyes hope will shine bright. Same problem as the fog line above. One would say "Hope will shine bright in my eyes" in real life. One way to re-arrange the first two lines of that verse might be "Imagine me beneath sunny skies / Hope shining brightly in my eyes".

a moment to always remember. This entire verse, actually, is probably (in my opinion) the weakest in your whole piece and would probably benefit from more thought. This line, by itself feels wrong for me for two reasons. First, it has the phrase "to always remember", which should be "always to remember" or "to remember always" to be grammatically correct (I'm obsessive about grammar and believe "bad" grammar should only be used to achieve a specific purpose, not because you've given up trying to think of a better way to say what you want). Second, it says "a moment" which, like the reference to December, suddenly narrows down what otherwise appears to be a broad reference to a much longer period of time than a moment. Unless you're trying to say something like "all of life is but a moment", in which case that should be more clear in the rest of the lyric. So what could you say here to make it stronger? Hmm...if we continue from the "Imagine me" part, maybe "Inspired by possibilities / Delighting my sensibilities". Or "Ignoring negativity" (for last line). I didn't spend much time on this. With some reflection, and referring to a rhyming dictionary, I'm sure there are many strong possibilities for this verse.

Quote
  • What is your opinion overall, is it's any good or not
I think it still needs some work but I definitely think it has potential. I think you should keep working on it. I never put this much time into a review if I don't think the song is any good. It isn't the kind of song I would expect to hear on the radio but that isn't bad. It just means it might not have main stream appeal. For instance, your title only occurs one time in the song, and it is not the hook. And, in fact, your song doesn't have a hook. Popular songs nearly always have hooks. The song isn't really about the rainbow and the dove, so maybe something else would be more suitable for the title. Consider what your song is about, really, and think about what title would reflect that. Or add a catchy chorus with a hook and use that for the title. On the other hand, popular songs don't always have hooks, or even choruses. Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne" is a good example. It does have a strong structure, though. What do you see as the structure of your song? Is it Verse 1, Verse 2, Verse 3, etc? Does it have a chorus? A bridge? Are the verses parallel to each other? And does any chorus or bridge provide a contrast in rhythm and or melody? Food for thought. ;D

If I were writing this song, I would approach the whole thing differently, but that's strictly a personal preference thing. I reviewed it the way you wrote it, and I think the way you wrote it works. Feel free to disagree with anything I wrote. I am very thick-skinned (if you review any of my songs, please be brutally honest, if the song warrants it). If you like any of my ideas, you are totally free to use them or anything similar.

I hope this has been helpful.

Vicki
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hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2017, 03:40:07 AM »
Vicky:   Here is an educated guess about why "December." 

In the Northern Hemisphere, December is not associated with the sun in your face.  It's winter. 

BUT. . . in the Southern Hemisphere, July 21 is the first day of winter, and December 21, is the first day of summer.  It makes sense if this song is "southern hemisphere" centric.  December (in the southern Hemisphere is as associated with summer sun as June is in the Northern Hemisphere.

Especially true, if the area where this is written is relatively close to the equator. 
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s.l.wolf

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« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2017, 05:48:54 PM »
Beautifully said in the lyrics. 

The timing between the vocal and the instrumental is very unusual.  That's either a good thing, or a bad thing, and I have to listen several more times before I have an opinion on which it is. 

I did notice that your "flow" and the connection between the vocal and the instrumental improves as you get into the song.  That is not uncommon.  The way I overcome that is to perform the song twice when I'm recording, and to only record the second time through.  That way, I'm vocally "in the flow" and don't have to get my bearings. 

I'm pretty sure by now (your song has ended, and I'm still typing) that the unusual timing that I heard is a good thing.  It was less unusual by the time the song ended, and by the end of the song, it was unusual in a good way that made the song unique.   

You have marvelous songwriting instincts in my opinion. 


I will try playing it once before recording, thank you for your advice :)
I'm glad to hear that it's a good thing, you had me worried there for a second!
I really appreciate it, truly means a lot :D
"I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

s.l.wolf

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« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2017, 06:46:19 PM »
    • Does the melody have the ability to draw you in, & make you feel something?
    I'm not sure about this. The melody is very repetitious and does not vary much in pattern or range...almost, but not quite, like a chant. A chant can be mesmerizing and is good for encouraging reflection.
    Quote
    • Do the lyrics have potential to get in your head, make you think about yourself & your own life?
    Yes. I especially like the use of near rhymes to create some instability.
    Quote
    • Does it flow from section to section in a way that works? If not, any advice to fix the transitioning points?
    I like the contrasts in the guitar playing styles from section to section. For me it definitely works.
    Quote
    • What are the weakest points, what does it need to boost it up, make it better, especially musically?
    Possible weak spots: I remember that afternoon in December Why December? Is the afternoon in December specifically important to the song? It doesn't work for me, as the rest of the song seems to be a description of (1) how you used to be, (2) how you are now and (3) how you plan/expect to get back to the more desirable way you used to be. It feels more expansive than any specific afternoon in December.

    but one day I looked up above. I have an automatic bias against the phrase "up above" (or "on high"). They're just too cliché for me. Of course, I'm guilty of using them myself, so I can't say much! :P But I'm sure there's a better way to get this point across. To stick with the rainbow and dove image, you might try something like, "Then suddenly one day I saw / A rainbow promise and a dove". Still too cliché sounding for me, but a little better. You can probably do far better with a little thought.

    by this fog I am defined. I always try to keep the flow of phrases natural. I would never say to to someone "By this fog I am defined." I would say, "I am defined by this fog." Unnatural turns of phrases, in my opinion, weaken the line. This would be a deeper rewrite, but it's possible. For instance, something like this might work: "I am defined by the haze / But I will run / Back to my life of brighter days / I'll find the sun."

    in my eyes hope will shine bright. Same problem as the fog line above. One would say "Hope will shine bright in my eyes" in real life. One way to re-arrange the first two lines of that verse might be "Imagine me beneath sunny skies / Hope shining brightly in my eyes".

    a moment to always remember. This entire verse, actually, is probably (in my opinion) the weakest in your whole piece and would probably benefit from more thought. This line, by itself feels wrong for me for two reasons. First, it has the phrase "to always remember", which should be "always to remember" or "to remember always" to be grammatically correct (I'm obsessive about grammar and believe "bad" grammar should only be used to achieve a specific purpose, not because you've given up trying to think of a better way to say what you want). Second, it says "a moment" which, like the reference to December, suddenly narrows down what otherwise appears to be a broad reference to a much longer period of time than a moment. Unless you're trying to say something like "all of life is but a moment", in which case that should be more clear in the rest of the lyric. So what could you say here to make it stronger? Hmm...if we continue from the "Imagine me" part, maybe "Inspired by possibilities / Delighting my sensibilities". Or "Ignoring negativity" (for last line). I didn't spend much time on this. With some reflection, and referring to a rhyming dictionary, I'm sure there are many strong possibilities for this verse.

    Quote
    • What is your opinion overall, is it's any good or not
    I think it still needs some work but I definitely think it has potential. I think you should keep working on it. I never put this much time into a review if I don't think the song is any good. It isn't the kind of song I would expect to hear on the radio but that isn't bad. It just means it might not have main stream appeal. For instance, your title only occurs one time in the song, and it is not the hook. And, in fact, your song doesn't have a hook. Popular songs nearly always have hooks. The song isn't really about the rainbow and the dove, so maybe something else would be more suitable for the title. Consider what your song is about, really, and think about what title would reflect that. Or add a catchy chorus with a hook and use that for the title. On the other hand, popular songs don't always have hooks, or even choruses. Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne" is a good example. It does have a strong structure, though. What do you see as the structure of your song? Is it Verse 1, Verse 2, Verse 3, etc? Does it have a chorus? A bridge? Are the verses parallel to each other? And does any chorus or bridge provide a contrast in rhythm and or melody? Food for thought. ;D

    If I were writing this song, I would approach the whole thing differently, but that's strictly a personal preference thing. I reviewed it the way you wrote it, and I think the way you wrote it works. Feel free to disagree with anything I wrote. I am very thick-skinned (if you review any of my songs, please be brutally honest, if the song warrants it). If you like any of my ideas, you are totally free to use them or anything similar.

    I hope this has been helpful.

    Vicki
    [/list]

    First off, thanks for listening :D

    So is it a boring melody? Or just okay?

    I'm glad to hear that the lyrics make you think about your own life, that is what I was hoping for. :D

    The reason I used the word "December" is because I believe that even when you mention personal details that no one else can latch on to and relate to, as long as the whole song isn't like that, it could work nicely. Also, it does have to be specific because I'm talking about a picture that is a good representation of that time, but in the end it is still one snapshot.
    I understand what you mean, but don't memories really work like that? You remember an instant rather than a whole chunk of time all at once. You don't suddenly think "oh those 5 years between 2000 & 2005 were great", you remember more specific instances, like "that day when I was at ___ doing ____", that doesn't mean it's not a representation of the the whole period. Do tell me if that makes sense, though.

    I hate cliches, but for some reason "looked up above" doesn't feel like it to me. The lyrics later say "climb out of this hole", so I'm not "looking up above" for some sort of inspirational moment or whatever, it feels like I'm kind of trapped and that's my only window to the world.

    I try to avoid forced ways of saying things that sound fake just for the sake of a rhyme, and I'm sure I do it some times without acknowledging how obvious it must be. "By this fog I am defined" feels different to me, though. I can't remember exactly when I wrote it, but I think to me it felt like saying it that way put more emphasis on the fact that it is "defining me" which is a brutal thought, in my opinion, it catches you off guard to attract your attention to that, rather than casually saying this fog is defining me, wouldn't carry the same weight. Do you know what I mean? I could be wrong, so tell me if it still sounds forced, now that I explained it.

    "In my eyes hope will shine bright", so you think the beginning has that problem too? Where it goes "I was young and in my eyes hope shined bright"?
    I might agree with you here. Even though I don't usually write lyrics that are conversational, and more often than not I feel like I pull it off and it doesn't sound forced or weird. This song has a different vibe to most of my songs, so usually they're they are less like things you'd say in real life than this, so maybe I'm just out of my element. Another thing is the problem with songs that you play a million times is you just get so used to it being that way, and any changes would just ruin it. I guess sometimes that might mean it works now that it grew on you, just needs getting used to, which isn't necessarily a bad thing in my opinion. This might be different, but it is hard for me to think there is something wrong with it, just because I'm so used to it and have grown to feel like it's just the way it goes.
    I will definitely give this more thought. It would change the two cornerstones of the song drastically, and now it feels like "well, what am I left with then??" lol, but I will definitely take into consideration. :)

    The reason the last verse goes the way it does, is because I'm trying to make it as similar as the first verse as possible, just in the future tense. If the first verse didn't go like that, the last one definitely wouldn't work. What you're saying is it still doesn't, though. Naturally if I change the "I was young & in my eyes hope shined bright" in the beginning, this ending would as well. So I guess they go hand in hand.
    "A moment to always remember", the word "moment" has similar reasoning behind it as I explained about "decemeber", but I will admit that even to me it doesn't work as well as december does. So, I will work on that as well :)

    As for the title, I realize titles are the reason someone decides whether or not to listen to a song. I just don't think I'm the kind of person who puts that much concentration on titles, and I don't think it's a bad thing.
    That being said, "A Rainbow & A Dove" are, to me, the turning point of the song. That's where everything goes from "can you see me now through the fog" to "I will run, to the life I left behind, I'll find the sun". So, I don't think it's a problem. I also try not to force writing a "hook", I don't think I'm trying to make it a "popular" song as much as a "good" song, and like you said good songs don't always need hooks.

    Yeah, this does have a weird structure, doesn't it? Does that bother a listener, though? If you're just looking for a good song rather than a radio hit. I mean is it the songwriter in you that thinks the structure needs work, or the listener as well?

    I really appreciate all the time you put into your review of the song. I really do, it means a lot. I'm glad you think it has potential :D
    I'm sorry I had an argument against most of your suggestions, but they made me think in more detail, which always good, and they're definitely appreciated :D So, thank you!
    "I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

    s.l.wolf

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    « Reply #6 on: July 14, 2017, 06:54:04 PM »
    Vicky:   Here is an educated guess about why "December." 

    In the Northern Hemisphere, December is not associated with the sun in your face.  It's winter. 

    BUT. . . in the Southern Hemisphere, July 21 is the first day of winter, and December 21, is the first day of summer.  It makes sense if this song is "southern hemisphere" centric.  December (in the southern Hemisphere is as associated with summer sun as June is in the Northern Hemisphere.

    Especially true, if the area where this is written is relatively close to the equator. 

    I like that you put this much thought into it :)

    I live in the northern hemisphere, though :D. I did mean one of those sunny winter days, where it's cold but not gloomy, which now I realize doesn't come across. I do think the rest of the verse gives a vibe that is nice enough to bring out the winter lover in you. At the end of the day, cold doesn't have to be associated with anything bad. I might be wrong.

    The reason I used the word "December" is because I believe that even when you mention personal details that no one else can latch on to and relate to, as long as the whole song isn't like that, it could work nicely. Also, it does have to be specific because I'm talking about a picture that is a good representation of that time, but in the end it is still one snapshot.
    I just think that that is the way memories work, you know? You remember an instant rather than a whole chunk of time all at once. You don't suddenly think "oh those 5 years between 2000 & 2005 were great", you remember more specific instances, like "that day when I was at ___ doing ____", that doesn't mean it's not a representation of the the whole period.

    Does that make any sense? :D
    "I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

    CaliaMoko

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    « Reply #7 on: July 14, 2017, 09:09:14 PM »
    Most important to me is that you have reasons for your choices. I especially agree with how we remember things as points in time rather than in blocks of time.

    I don't mind at all when people don't agree with me. For me it's all about making deliberate choices rather than just grabbing words without much thought. Sounds to me like you've made deliberate choices.

    Oh, and about the melody being "boring". I compared it to Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne". A very popular piece in the sixties. That type of melody stands in the shadows and lets the lyric shine. So, boring? Maybe, maybe not. But it isn't competing with the lyric for the spotlight.

    Marrianna

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    « Reply #8 on: July 14, 2017, 10:49:48 PM »
    I really like your lyrics and very thought - provoking. I only felt that perhaps they went on for too long but will come back and read again when I can. You wrote them as you felt them initially and sometimes it is not good to change from that and you will always think of your first words. :-) (from my own experience of changing words later. Sometimes, though, I have been glad I went back and altered small things from my original but other times, wanted to keep them the same.) Think carefully yourself before changing anything and be sure of what you wanted from your lyric.

    Best Wishes
    Marrianna  :)

    s.l.wolf

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    « Reply #9 on: July 17, 2017, 10:04:33 AM »
    Most important to me is that you have reasons for your choices. I especially agree with how we remember things as points in time rather than in blocks of time.

    I don't mind at all when people don't agree with me. For me it's all about making deliberate choices rather than just grabbing words without much thought. Sounds to me like you've made deliberate choices.

    Oh, and about the melody being "boring". I compared it to Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne". A very popular piece in the sixties. That type of melody stands in the shadows and lets the lyric shine. So, boring? Maybe, maybe not. But it isn't competing with the lyric for the spotlight.

    I understand what you're saying about the melody, thanks for your feedback :)
    "I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

    s.l.wolf

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    « Reply #10 on: July 17, 2017, 10:06:36 AM »
    I really like your lyrics and very thought - provoking. I only felt that perhaps they went on for too long but will come back and read again when I can. You wrote them as you felt them initially and sometimes it is not good to change from that and you will always think of your first words. :-) (from my own experience of changing words later. Sometimes, though, I have been glad I went back and altered small things from my original but other times, wanted to keep them the same.) Think carefully yourself before changing anything and be sure of what you wanted from your lyric.

    Best Wishes
    Marrianna  :)

    I'm glad you think the lyrics are thought provoking :) I will try to polish them a bit.

    Thanks Marrianna :)
    "I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

    hardtwistmusic

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    « Reply #11 on: July 18, 2017, 08:32:46 AM »

    Does that make any sense? :D

    It makes perfect sense. 

    Let me add something that doesn't "make sense" but is true nonetheless.  This is something I learned over time.  When you write the song, it takes on a certain meaning in your mind.  Your goal is to communicate the "feeling" and maybe some of the details of that meaning. 

    BUT. . . when 100 people listen to your song, each will create in his/her own mind a meaning that is "in tune with" his/her experiences, not yours. 

    Took me a long time to understand that the meanings that come into their minds as they listen are just as real, just as important, and just as right as the meanings that came into my mind as I wrote it. 

    So what's my point?   Just this.  Never be disappointed when someone "hears" something different in your song than you intended.  THAT'S THE GOAL when you think about it.  You make them feel enough so that they get personally involved in your music and lyric and CREATE A STORY from their own life. 

    That is the magic of songwriting.  The most flattering thing in my songwriting career came when someone was visiting my roommate while I was writing a song.  I had the lyric written, and was fitting it to some existing instrumentation. 

    When he heard the lyric, he asked if he could see it.  He read it and got really excited.  "THAT'S MY FREAKNG LIFE," he said. 

    And then he talked a little about his life and it was nothing like what I intended in the song.  But still, to create that kind of identification and excitement with a lyric. 

    Anyway, I've rambled on long enough.  I've appreciated how you participate here, and just wanted to pass that little bit of hard earned perspective on. 
    www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

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    s.l.wolf

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    « Reply #12 on: July 18, 2017, 04:01:40 PM »

    Does that make any sense? :D

    It makes perfect sense. 

    Let me add something that doesn't "make sense" but is true nonetheless.  This is something I learned over time.  When you write the song, it takes on a certain meaning in your mind.  Your goal is to communicate the "feeling" and maybe some of the details of that meaning. 

    BUT. . . when 100 people listen to your song, each will create in his/her own mind a meaning that is "in tune with" his/her experiences, not yours. 

    Took me a long time to understand that the meanings that come into their minds as they listen are just as real, just as important, and just as right as the meanings that came into my mind as I wrote it. 

    So what's my point?   Just this.  Never be disappointed when someone "hears" something different in your song than you intended.  THAT'S THE GOAL when you think about it.  You make them feel enough so that they get personally involved in your music and lyric and CREATE A STORY from their own life. 

    That is the magic of songwriting.  The most flattering thing in my songwriting career came when someone was visiting my roommate while I was writing a song.  I had the lyric written, and was fitting it to some existing instrumentation. 

    When he heard the lyric, he asked if he could see it.  He read it and got really excited.  "THAT'S MY FREAKNG LIFE," he said. 

    And then he talked a little about his life and it was nothing like what I intended in the song.  But still, to create that kind of identification and excitement with a lyric. 

    Anyway, I've rambled on long enough.  I've appreciated how you participate here, and just wanted to pass that little bit of hard earned perspective on. 

    I totally agree with you. I never want to be too obvious about what my song is about, I don't like the idea of that at all. I always want people to take it in their own way, whatever it is talking about to them is fine by me. Even if sometimes only a few lines resonate with you, and make sense to you, and you can deeply get a sense of what they're about.
    Most people want the whole song to be clear enough to be able to interpret in their own way. I don't always think that is necessary. Some of my favorite bands don't always make sense to me, the lyrics leave a mark in my head but I don't necessarily have my own interpretation on all of it. So while the idea might be unpopular, it is something I experiment with often.
    The trick is to give not just the right number of ideas for people to get something out of it, but to choose wisely which ones you talk about. When the whole thing I'm talking about is in my head , in detail, it's a challenge to filter out what I know, and see what I chose to write and what idea/image that builds in someone's head listening to it.

    Thanks for sharing :D
    "I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
    I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."