Anyway, last year I posted on here about a little song I wrote about the terrible journey I had up to Northern Ireland in 2016, and I've made a better (though far from good) demo of it, this time with a basic drum synthesizer track (not a drum machine, a digital drum app) and double tracking on the poor quality vocals. Pretty much everything is first take since I didn't have much time to make it, so it sounds pretty unpolished, though it would be interesting to get feedback. I wrote a hook for it that the 2016 version didn't utilise at all, and the pace has been slowed down and is more consistent. Ideally for a polished final version I'd add a string keyboard track to it, a bass guitar, more polished instruments/vocals, and real drums with more variation.
The demo:
https://youtu.be/M9wAxrhhDQcThese are the lyrics:
Take a trip now northwards
Good old Friday time
Diverse traffic
Stuck now in the line
Hour after hour
Stuck now left behind
Tune in to your colour block
Waste away your life
Hour's Division from Destination D.
Dumfries division D a stop away from sea
From me
We see the sea
Stormy cyclone-college-block
Drive onto the barge
Stab-pun-reinforvementvent
Captain stabs his part
Puking mother sickiness
Nessie nowhere found
Nessie swam away from here
Swam up to her louch
Hour's Division
From Belfast there to me
West storm surpass
The middle of the sea
From man
We see the land
My only concern is that it sounds much like the demos I was making at 14, and I haven't really improved much at making music since then... I can't think of much that sounds like this, but what style does it remind you of, and can you give some feedback on how to improve production and the overall song
.
I created a new thread because this version is so different to the original I did that I can't really consider it the same song. The rules page states "post only one song per thread, even if you come back to that song later", which I interpret to mean that new versions of songs should be posted in a new thread.
