[s.l.wolf]

Hello
So, I wrote this song. I'd like to get your opinions.
It's just me and an acoustic guitar. Kind of rock, folk rock, sort of thing.

Soundcloud Link:

https://soundcloud.com/slotfyalqady/alone-in-this

Youtube Link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjZTwcpKtw4

I think it's pretty straight forward why I wrote this song, and what it's about. The aim is venting more than anything else, really.

So, if you want to share your opinion in general, is this any good?, does it have potential, that kind of thing. Just because I've never played it to anyone before, so anything you can say would be helpful, really. If you have any advice, any weak points you see that need fixing, and how to fix them.

Last thing is this song's structure, I like it but not super confident at the same time, so if you have any opinions there, that would be great. Thanks

Lyrics:

I've got a burning soul
and the truth is
I am all alone
alone in this

I asked for help, it's overrated
they're lies they sell, & I hate it
just take this pill, & you'll sedate it

but I'm still numb, & suicidal
& it's the sun, & my idols
no where to run, it is final

I've got a burning soul
and the truth is
I am all alone
alone in this

it's flooding up, with me in a corner
I can't keep up, & I built these borders
the gates are shut, & they're my orders

but I will not speak, & bare my soul
it's mine to keep, so back away from the wall
I've declared defeat, & I'll silently crawl

everyday I rise, it all gets duller
I close my eyes, try to remember colors
so I lay to die, with no friend or a brother

& I was born
destined for this
a wall of thorns
the dark of the abyss
no crown or no throne
no star to miss
a wall around home
if that's what it is
& I am all alone
alone in this

[IronKnee]

Tell you what kid.....you have some real driving passion, for sure. However, you need to take a breath 
Take it from me, you are not alone........you have to find what inspires you to make it all worth while.
Now, as far as your songwriting goes.....you show some real talent, and your emotional delivery is like off the charts good. Keep writing and begin to steer your way clear of the darker feelings and aim towards the more sunnier side.....I think you will find some great joy to be found....your music just might find the thing you are looking for.
Just my opinions......I like your passion!!
                                                                  -Tom

[s.l.wolf]

Tell you what kid.....you have some real driving passion, for sure. However, you need to take a breath 
Take it from me, you are not alone........you have to find what inspires you to make it all worth while.
Now, as far as your songwriting goes.....you show some real talent, and your emotional delivery is like off the charts good. Keep writing and begin to steer your way clear of the darker feelings and aim towards the more sunnier side.....I think you will find some great joy to be found....your music just might find the thing you are looking for.
Just my opinions......I like your passion!!
                                                                  -Tom

Thank you so much. I'm glad to hear the emotion comes across. Also, the "talent" part, I really really appreciate it. Yeah I try to steer away from the dark feelings, but sometimes all you can do is write a song to help get it out of your system I guess
Thank you for sharing those opinions

[Oldbutyet]

Hey and Welcome.

I too like your driving passion 

[PaulyX]

Hi Wolfy,
First up: welcome, and well done on posting this.  It takes guts just to be a voice and an acoustic guitar facing a close-up camera (I couldn't do it!) and I get the feel you are baring your soul a bit in the lyrics too.
Like the others have said, you put a tonne of emotion into this, not just in your voice but also in the guitar playing.  Sounds like you are (or are well on the way to becoming) a very accomplished player and your voice for sure has a tonne of potential.  If you were recording this multi-track into a DAW or similar with all the trickery a lot of us use to edit and pitch-correct etc this could sound really slick.
Like you alluded to below, it sounds like you wrote this song 'for yourself' to get something out of your system, and it looks like it does that.  As a song for a listener, I also found the lyrics a bit too relentlessly bleak for my tastes - a bit of nuance or some twists in the lyrics would help.  I'm not saying every song has to be skippety-doo-dah happy of course, just sometimes some light amongst the shade can stop lyrics being a bit one-dimensional.  I hope that makes sense and keep the tracks coming.

[s.l.wolf]

Hi Wolfy,
First up: welcome, and well done on posting this.  It takes guts just to be a voice and an acoustic guitar facing a close-up camera (I couldn't do it!) and I get the feel you are baring your soul a bit in the lyrics too.
Like the others have said, you put a tonne of emotion into this, not just in your voice but also in the guitar playing.  Sounds like you are (or are well on the way to becoming) a very accomplished player and your voice for sure has a tonne of potential.  If you were recording this multi-track into a DAW or similar with all the trickery a lot of us use to edit and pitch-correct etc this could sound really slick.
Like you alluded to below, it sounds like you wrote this song 'for yourself' to get something out of your system, and it looks like it does that.  As a song for a listener, I also found the lyrics a bit too relentlessly bleak for my tastes - a bit of nuance or some twists in the lyrics would help.  I'm not saying every song has to be skippety-doo-dah happy of course, just sometimes some light amongst the shade can stop lyrics being a bit one-dimensional.  I hope that makes sense and keep the tracks coming.

Hello Pauly,

Thank you Yeah, I never thought I couldn't do the "close up camera while I sing a personal song" thing, but I guess I felt like I like to see performances rather than just listening so I tried to do the same thing with my songs..so then I realized it wasn't that big of a deal
I like the idea of keeping things as un-edited as possible, so I try my best not to fall in the habit of feeling the need to edit it. I'm glad you said my voice has potential, because I definitely have plans to work on it, so I wouldn't even think I need pitch-correction & that sort of thing, but I don't have time at the moment, unfortunately.
I understand what you mean about the one-dimensional thing, it's a good point. I will definitely keep that in mind.
Thanks for the feedback

[s.l.wolf]

Hey and Welcome.

I too like your driving passion 

Thank you

[Darren1664]

I really enjoyed this. After listening to the soundcloud version I had to check the video. You are so charismatic (if I am using the word right maybe I just mean cool). The lyric are very dark but so elegantly put together. They flow perfectly with your vocal which I though was stunning. There's a waver in your voice that is so captivating to me.

There are of course weaknesses here but to me they were strengths. You delivery is so fitting to the context of the song and I really felt your sadness and anger but the way you sing it gave me hope. It is like you're saying I feel this way but it won't defeat me! It's quite inspiring. 

This also took bravery for which I admire.

Great stuff. Keep playing and keep writing. Sorry to be so gushing

Darren

[s.l.wolf]

I really enjoyed this. After listening to the soundcloud version I had to check the video. You are so charismatic (if I am using the word right maybe I just mean cool). The lyric are very dark but so elegantly put together. They flow perfectly with your vocal which I though was stunning. There's a waver in your voice that is so captivating to me.

There are of course weaknesses here but to me they were strengths. You delivery is so fitting to the context of the song and I really felt your sadness and anger but the way you sing it gave me hope. It is like you're saying I feel this way but it won't defeat me! It's quite inspiring. 

This also took bravery for which I admire.

Great stuff. Keep playing and keep writing. Sorry to be so gushing

Darren

Hello, Darren

I'm glad you like it, and that you were interested enough to go to the video. I've never been called charismatic or cool before, so this is a first, I really appreciate it
Thanks for the boost of confidence on the vocal performance, and lyrics
I like that you said it seems that "I feel this way but it won't let it defeat me"

Thank you for all your kind words.

[Cazrolina]

Im in complete agreement with the others: Talented with heaps of potential - yes.  Write some light to weave in with the shade - yes.  Strong writing skills, passion and fantastic, emotional delivery - yes.
If my penny is worth anything, my advice is to look for inspiration all around you, overheard phrases, books/films/stuff you're into or happenings that strike a chord. Not that I'm an expert, by any means, but developing an idea from a unusual place always gets interesting and different results. You'll find tons of great advice on here. Get a DAW if you can. I started with GarageBand on my phone/tablet. Really helps you develop your songs. Either way, Keep on writing, dude!

[s.l.wolf]

Im in complete agreement with the others: Talented with heaps of potential - yes.  Write some light to weave in with the shade - yes.  Strong writing skills, passion and fantastic, emotional delivery - yes.
If my penny is worth anything, my advice is to look for inspiration all around you, overheard phrases, books/films/stuff you're into or happenings that strike a chord. Not that I'm an expert, by any means, but developing an idea from a unusual place always gets interesting and different results. You'll find tons of great advice on here. Get a DAW if you can. I started with GarageBand on my phone/tablet. Really helps you develop your songs. Either way, Keep on writing, dude!

Thanks, it means a lot.
Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely keep that in mind.

[Yodasdad]

It's difficult to critique a song like this for me.

The songs got soul and for some people the soul and the message trump the musical direction and take precedence.

From a musical point of view I felt it just needs reigning in a bit.

I would slow the pace of the picking down at the beginning, it felt a little frantic compared to the melody. This will also help the track build.

Timing wise it felt like the vocal was spontaneous and the guitar was keeping up with it. It might just be a case of going over this a few times and working on making sure the vocal and guitar lock together and complement each other fully.

Hope some of this helps, there's surely a lot of potential in you as a songwriter.

Look forward to hearing your future stuff.

Yodasdad

[Morefrog Jones]

A lot of passion and integrity in the performance...... song is interesting and the delivery although a little bit left field really stands out as different and edgey in a contemporary way but also has a late 60's janis joplin feel about it

[Neil C]

Hi,
this sounded personal and intimate although I couldn't catch the meaning from listening only, which is a bit of a missed opportunity because they're powerful lyrics.
 
Neil

[s.l.wolf]

It's difficult to critique a song like this for me.

The songs got soul and for some people the soul and the message trump the musical direction and take precedence.

From a musical point of view I felt it just needs reigning in a bit.

I would slow the pace of the picking down at the beginning, it felt a little frantic compared to the melody. This will also help the track build.

Timing wise it felt like the vocal was spontaneous and the guitar was keeping up with it. It might just be a case of going over this a few times and working on making sure the vocal and guitar lock together and complement each other fully.

Hope some of this helps, there's surely a lot of potential in you as a songwriter.

Look forward to hearing your future stuff.

Yodasdad

A while after I put up the song I realized it was very very rushed, I don't know how I never noticed but I don't play it that fast, anymore at least. I think slower sounds a lot better and makes the vocals and the guitar sound "locked together". I still haven't put a better version up though.

Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it.