[CaliaMoko]

Original version: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/let-your-heart-be-full/s-bO4i8
EDIT: 30 JULY 2017 Revised version: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/let-your-heart-be-full-1/s-xobcy

I tried something new--picking. It is seriously a struggle but I suppose, if I keep it up, I'll get better at it.

I didn't notice, until after I uploaded the song, that the guitar is too loud or the vocal is too soft. I'll try to fix that one of these days.

The song is based on spiritual writings from my religion, so if that's really not your thing, I hope you can focus on the songwriting aspect and ignore the rest. Or just skip over it altogether.

Feedback that I think would be most helpful:

1. The song is on the long side--is it too long? If no, skip to question #3
2. Where would be best to condense it? For instance, is one of the verses extraneous? Or the bridge?
3. I'm pretty happy with the verses and the choruses, but I'm not so sure about the bridge. Is it weak? It feels weak to me. Maybe I should just eliminate it (see #1). Or would it be worth polishing? And, if so, what does it need? A different direction? Some simple word changes?
EDIT: 4. The melody seems familiar. Is it because I just can't get it out of my head? Or did I plagiarize from somewhere?

EDIT (12 July 2017): Made some changes to the lyrics. You can identify them by the strike-outs and underlines. I'm not happy with the line "We must overcome ourselves with sacrifice", but I've hit a block at the moment and can't come up with anything better.

EDIT: ALL BLUE TEXT IS THE NEW VERSION AS OF 27 JULY 2017

LET YOUR HEART BE FULL

VERSE 1
You are the verses of His singleness; you are the banners of the Lord
You are the blossoms and the herbs in His garden; the falcons on the wrist of God
So why are you so silent, heart so heavy and so dull?
Flash brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full;
Let your heart be full.
Flash brightly like the lightning.
Open up and let your heart be full.

VERSE 2
Now is the time to serve, to be on fire; our evanescent life will soon be past.
We must approach the flame and burn up in its heat; our love is equal to the task.
So why are we so silent, hearts so heavy and so dull?
We'll flash brightly like the lightning. Open up and let our hearts be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full;
Let your heart be full.
Flash brightly like the lightning.
Open up and let your heart be full.

BRIDGE
Our handful of days will vanish like a rush, oh, oh, oh
Ev'ry moment is divine.
We must turn ourselves around and focus on a higher purpose.
Before we run out of time.

HALF VERSE
We are no longer silent with hearts so heavy and or so dull.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full; let your heart be full.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.

LET YOUR HEART BE FULL

VERSE 1
Ye are the verses of His singleness;
Ye are the banners of the Lord
Ye are the blossoms and the herbs in His garden;
The falcons on the wrist of God

PRE-CHORUS
So why are you so silent, heart so heavy and so dull?
Flash ye brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full; let your heart be full.
Flash ye brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

VERSE 2
Now is the time to serve, to be on fire.
Our evanescent life will soon be past.
We must approach the flame and burn up in its heat.
Our love is equal to the task.

PRE-CHORUS
So why are we so silent, hearts so heavy and so dull?
We'll flash brightly like the lightning. Open up and let our hearts be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full; let your heart be full.
Flash ye brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

BRIDGE
Our handful of days will vanish like a flash soon be in the past
Ev'ry moment is divine.
We must overcome our self and passion ourselves with sacrifice
And join the Company on high Before we run out of time.

PRE-CHORUS
We are no longer silent with hearts so heavy and or so dull.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full; let your heart be full.
Flash ye brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.
Flash ye brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison

[Martinswede]

Hi Vicki!

I have no point of reference for the content of your lyrics so some of the images might have slipped me by.

I didn't think the song was long when I listened to it but almost 5 minutes is long. But not too long. A slow tempo is always a challenge but I think the melody and the lyrics kept it interesting.

I think the bridge and the pre chorus could be combined and condensed to four lines. The first line of the bridge could use another word than 'flash'. Or you could replace 'like' with 'in'. Also the last line is a bit unclear. That might just be me though.

Happy holiday,
Martin

[IronKnee]

Hi Vicki.........I really like the messages......some powerful forebodings that I share. Although, to heed is to flourish. I dig it!!
Love the lyrics.....the melody is just enough.
                                                                            -Tom

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks, Martin and Tom for your feedback.

I've made a few little edits. I think they improve it, although I still think it needs a little help. You can identify the edits by the strike-outs and underlines. I'm not happy with the line "We must overcome ourselves with sacrifice", but I've hit a block at the moment and can't come up with anything better.

Martin, good call on the 4th line of the bridge. I was so focused on what I was quoting and paraphrasing, I lost sight of what made sense. Like I said, I'm not happy with the 3rd line of the bridge, but maybe something will come to me while I'm sleeping, or something.

Thanks to everyone who has listened.

Vicki

[PaulAds]

Hi Vicki

Nice guitar picking! not easy to get the hang of at first...but it's a great thing to be able to do...and you're well on your way

good lyrics, a great message and lovely vocals 

[Yodasdad]

Hi Vicki,

I enjoyed the music. I think the music matched the lyrics well.

I can't think of anything that this might be inadvertently plagiarised from.

I don't think it's too long for the type of song. For a top 40 hit maybe.

If I was going to shorten it I would do it by cutting out 1 or possibly 2 verses.

When I say this I am treating your pre choruses as verses. They sound like they are following pretty much the same chord sequence and melody as the verse and are therefore another verse to me. A pre chorus would feel different to a verse. So having said that, I would cut out one of the two verses after the first chorus and/or after the second chorus.

The bridge isn't weak but it feels very similar to the preceding material, whereas a bridge usually presents quite a contrast. If you want to change it I would suggest a different chord sequence which would probably also dictate a different melody. If you don't want to go that far, something as simple as changing the picking pattern or changing to a strum might add that little bit of contrast that's needed.

Hope this helps.

An enjoyable song though, even as it is.

Yodasdad

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

I'm getting some song from the sixties which has a male vocal...maybe Walker Bros or something but can't quite get a hold on it....the first two lines mainly...shouldn't worry about it if nobody else latches on to it....loads of songs sound a bit like loads of other songs, don't they? If it comes to me I'll let you know!

I wonder if the chorus could come in sooner after the pre-chorus end....just my preference probably but would also give a dynamic change which will help to boost the entrance of the chorus I think.

There's nothing really wrong with the bridge...but it doesn't have much in the way of any change from the rest of the song so doesn't, for me, do its job as a bridge ie move away from the main theme a bit before the main theme comes back in. How to fix that I don't know really...just something that will either come to you or not....

The line you mentioned 'we must overcome ourselves with sacrifice'...I think 'overcome' is the word that needs to be changed....doesn't seem quite the right idea to me though I'm probably not the right person to be trying to mend this sort of lyric....shouldn't we be unburdening or cleansing ourselves or something not overcoming....

Quite long but didn't seem to overstay its time...

[Cazrolina]

Lyrics and melody wonderfully woven together and your vocal feels very pure. Powerful, poignant. And fab picking btw.
 
Perhaps either 'overcome' or 'ourselves' needs the change. The two together feel funny when coupled together with 'With' and then that very big strong word 'sacrifice' - for some reason unbeknownst to my small, weak brain...

I know nothing, but incase any of this helps, or offers further inspiration...
- we must overcome our 'trials/ways/steps etc' with sacrifice
- we must 'overpower/overthrow' ourselves with sacrifice - not sure that works, still.
- we must overcome ourselves 'through/and' sacrifice
- we must overcome ourselves with dignity/selflessness

Love the message. I'm in a similar area at the moment. Opening up and getting that light 'a shining - so important sometimes in our crazy, beautiful, messed up day and age!!

Hope alls well. Keep on picking
Caz

[Skub]

Yo Vicki.

You are getting the hang of this picking just fine,you'll be at the Flamenco next! 

It's lovely to hear something so obviously from the heart and not just some 'made up' lyrics.

It all harks back to a more innocent time,when we all still had dreams and aspirations,before cynicism took a wire brush to those ideas and ideals.

Fireside music. 

[CaliaMoko]

I'm a little slow responding to this (and other things), but I have a good excuse (totally unexpected family medical problem: see http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13530.0 for more, if you haven't seen it already).

Thanks for the kind remarks about my finger picking. I find it very uncomfortable and have nearly overwhelming urges to switch back to strumming whenever I'm trying it. So thanks for the kind remarks which, I hope, will help motivate me to keep at it until it gets comfortable.

After considering the various ideas regarding the words and thoughts regarding the structure, I have reworked it a bit. The bridge is quite different and has an altered melody that fits the new words. I've posted the changed lyrics here and updated the original post. I will soon post an updated sound file.

For feedback, I'm wondering about a couple things. First, I want to eliminate all the "ye's", as they don't sing well. Several convert readily to "you", but the "Flash ye brightly" isn't as easy. I don't like "Flash you brightly"; it doesn't seem to flow any better. How does "Flashing brightly" work? As in meaning "While you're flashing brightly like the lightning, you can also open up and let your heart be full."

Or would it be better to hold "Flash" over two syllables and say "Fla-ash brightly like the lightning"? That feels to me like it doesn't flow well, either, but maybe I'm too close to be objective. Maybe "Flash out brightly?" I'll try that one unless I get a better idea before I record. Can anyone think of anything better?

Here's the lyric as I've edited it so far:

LET YOUR HEART BE FULL

VERSE 1
You are the verses of His singleness; you are the banners of the Lord
You are the blossoms and the herbs in His garden; the falcons on the wrist of God
So why are you so silent, heart so heavy and so dull?
Flash out brightly like the lightning. Open up and let your heart be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full;
Let your heart be full.
Flash out brightly like the lightning.
Open up and let your heart be full.

VERSE 2
Now is the time to serve, to be on fire; our evanescent life will soon be past.
We must approach the flame and burn up in its heat; our love is equal to the task.
So why are we so silent, hearts so heavy and so dull?
We'll flash brightly like the lightning. Open up and let our hearts be full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full;
Let your heart be full.
Flash out brightly like the lightning.
Open up and let your heart be full.

BRIDGE
Our handful of days will vanish like a rush, oh, oh, oh
Ev'ry moment is divine.
We must turn ourselves around and focus on a higher purpose.
Before we run out of time.

HALF VERSE
We are no longer silent with hearts so heavy and or so dull.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.

CHORUS
Let your heart be full; let your heart be full.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.
We flash brightly like the lightning. Our hearts are open and so full.[/size]

Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison

[Paulski]

Hi Vicky

I like the song - nice picking! and good vocals!
Familiar melody? What isn't these days, and so what if it is?
Nothing springs to mind as a copy to me so all good.
To your questions - You can predict this but I would say yes it is too long.This is exacerbated by the production - which doesn't build as it progresses. Maybe add a harmony, another instrument etc. You could even start out just strumming chords on the downbeat of every bar in the opening bit. Then the picking would seem like build when it arrives. I like a 3-4 min max for a ballad but it's down to personal preference I know.
I can't really comment on the lyrics as I'm not a religious person but I do think this could be made non-religious and become more universal - good hook!

Paul

[Jenna]

Wow, Vicki! Your fingerpicking is really clean, clear and even in sound. Great precision. That takes a lot of practice. You're better at it than you're letting on.    Do you fingerpick and sing at the same time?

I'm not a religious person, either, but I thought this was a beautiful sentiment regardless, which was enhanced by your bright, clear vocals. It almost reminds me of a Christmas song. I'm also not familiar with the melody, so it sounds new to me. For the length, I'm leaning toward Yodasdad's take on it. My ear wanted more chord changes between the sections - verse to chorus to bridge - or maybe a rhythm change or strumming pattern. A strum would give the chorus more power and energy, at least that's how I'd hear it. With more variety in the musical portion, maybe it would keep it from feeling too long for you? HTH

Also, I think spreading the word flash across two notes with the second one rising higher might solve your dilemma if it fits your melody. I can't go back in and listen at the moment because I'm sitting next to a snoring being that has to work in another hour.

Thinking you and yours. You'll get around to replying when you can. Take care.

[CaliaMoko]

Paulski:
I agree...I do want to add some harmonies. And I like the idea of mixing up picking and strumming. I'll have to mess with that idea a little.

Jenna:
Thanks for the amazing compliment. I used to do more fingerpicking, once upon a time, many years ago. Maybe a little of it stuck with me during my dry years.

I tried picking and singing at the same time, but I couldn't keep the rhythm going smoothly, so I did them separately. I like the idea of switching to strumming for the chorus; I'll do some experimenting. For the record, I can't walk and chew gum at the same time, either. Or play bass and sing. Or play drums and sing. I literally have a one-track mind!

Vicki

[Jenna]

I know the feeling. I seem to have lost that multitasking ability over time. At one time playing and singing was no problem. Now it's like a mountain to climb, or maybe it's that we have so much less time to practice at this stage of the game. In either case walking plus chewing gum equals tripping over my own feet and kissing concrete.

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Vicki - Sorry I'm a bit late on this, thought I had commented on it already. Your picking is really good. You've got a special gift for melody and I love the vibrato on your vocals. This is a lovely song. The only crit I would have is that I would have liked to have heard your vocals a bit more up front.

Lovely