[jonlint]

Hi all,

Working on a Soundgarden style song and wrote some lyrics.  The lyrics are very cryptic I know.  Feedback welcome.

SEA OF SHAME
(Words by Jonathan Linton)

Only got yourself to blame
Drowning in your sea of shame
Seems they found the hidden wreck
Now it’s all hands on the deck

The ship is sinking
The crew is shrinking
The truth is stinking
And your immersed…in your…sea of shame

When you’re alone with your mind
Does your conscience come out to fight
In the night
And does your conscience tell the truth
Do you hide right from wrong
But how long

Crocodile you lay in wait
Falling guy takes the bait
Prey caught to take the blame
Drowned in your sea of shame

Soul your trading
Lies cascading
Madly wading
Now he’s immersed…in your sea of shame

When you’re alone with your mind
Does your conscience come out to fight
In the night
And does your conscience tell the truth
Do you hide right from wrong
But how long

SOLO

When you’re alone with your mind
Does your conscience come out to fight
In the night
And does your conscience tell the truth
Do you hide right from wrong
But how long

Only got yourself to blame
Drowning in your sea of shame

[Darren1664]

Hi Jon

I agree that the lyrics are cryptic and that the meaning is hidden. It might help if you could explain some of it in terms of giving any feedback. I think hearing how they will be sung will also help as often words are chosen for sound rather than meaning.

When reading the second section of the first verse I thought might work better as

The ship is sinking
The crew are shrieking
The truth is fleeting
And you're immerse in a sea of shame

but that's just my style, yours works too. And I don't know the meaning so I don't know where you are trying to get to.

All that said I think these are good lyrics and I can definitely hear them to some soundgarden-ish music!

Look forward to hearing

All the best

Darren

[jonlint]

Hi Darren,

Thanks for the feedback.  I will try your style and see how it works.

I will explain what the lyrics mean.  It is written about a politician whose skeletons are coming out of the closet and hence he is drowning in a"sea of shame".  I use the metaphors of a "sea" like the "drowning part", he is part of a team who is his "ship", which is sinking in the sea.  Crew is shrinking - his aides and staff of jumping ship.  Then I liken him to a crocodile who springs out of the water and drags a prey into the "sea" - a falling guy (fall guy) who he tries to pin the blame on.

Then the bridge/chorus talks to does he have a conscience or not.

Very cryptic but I think full of very powerful metaphors.  Does this start to make the lyrics make a little sense?

[Paulski]

Hi jon

I liked this - well, all except the first two verses.
The reasons the first verses didn't work for me are:
 - too many perfect rhymes for verses (suggest save the perfect rhymes for the chorus)
 - use of a cliché rhyme (blame/shame)
The opening verses need to be strong or ppl will bail on the song IMO.
Think Darren has some good suggs.

I really like this part:

When you’re alone with your mind
Does your conscience come out to fight
In the night
And does your conscience tell the truth
Do you hide right from wrong
But how long

Get the rest of it that good and you have a winner 
Paul

[diademgrove]

Hi Jon,

your words work for me. I think I'd prefer a little more substance to the story though. Maybe that will provided by the music.

Keith

[Vintage54]

   Hello,
      This is well written and works for me, apart from the crocodile reference. Crocs are fresh water killers, maybe sharks and a little tweaking would work better. But it's a small nitpick, and the rest is just dandy.

                                 Vintage54

[jonlint]

Hi there,

Thanks so so much for all the feedback and interest.  I must say, this song one I am most proud of for the imagery and also how the actual song turned out.

My band Rydi Brax (www.facebook.com/rydibrax) recorded this song and released it as part of our EP.  You can hear the finished song at the link below:

https://open.spotify.com/track/6Ju5c2MIUN57ZLhPWiD3Ay

Feedback most welcome on the finished product.

Most of the songs I write are not from personal experience.  I write text to music - thats how it works for me.  I cannot write lyrics by themselves.  In this case, I joined the band with a song idea already written; well, the riffs were written without a complete structure, but it was 85% there.  Mostly when driving to work, I will play the music over and over until I get some imagery or theme.  In this case, I got a vivid image of a politician who had hidden secrets and did many bad deeds and he was all alone in a dark room, no wife, no friends, immersed in a "Sea of Shame".

[Johnnyuk]

Hi,
I like your lyrics. Some really colorful descriptions that paint a picture. The cryptic side of the lyric i would address in your verse section at some point. Maybe you can be cryptic initially but say after the chorus you reveal what this person has done in that verse section so that those listening can connect more. In the chorus the very last line i would consider changing too... Your drowning in a sea of shame.
I would love to hear a demo of it cos that would help to get you even more lyrics to choose from for your song from all the guys n gals in here.
Johnny

[Johnnyuk]

Hi again.
I can't hear your demo because spotify tells me i have to signup in order to do so.