Hello
this is the diatribe I'd written about The Spanish City...which is in Whitley Bay...i don't think it's really lyrics, as such...I'm not using it for the summer holiday competition, but I didn't want to just throw it away.
We’re all going on a Summer Horror Day
Ventriloquist parents threaten their sugar-rush offspring into submission. They can say "i'll give you something to cry about in a minute" whilst gargling snakebite and without making their lips move...as their desperately unhappy and seemingly clairvoyant kids contemplate their future holidays at her majesty's pleasure, comparing it favourably, no doubt, to their current predicament.
The outdoor pool, presumably conceived by a drunken town planning committee that got their collective utopias and dystopias mixed up, is - literally - on the rocks. The only way to have ever made it work would have been to fill it with antifreeze.
The maintenance guy temporarily swaps his can of special brew for WD-40 and lives with the constant fear of an appearance by the health and safety executive, as he bludgeons death-trap fairground rides back into operation in a bewildering attempt to reprise his wishy-washy King Canute in the face of the unrelenting mastery of Charles Darwin.
In the daytime you might see an elephants foot spilling over the side of a Poundland flip-flop...but come the evening, a gravy browning fake tan gives snooker table legs the appearance of a hastily creosoted garden fence as the drunken stilettos clippety-clop back up the road from the sea-front last-chance saloon to flatten a few more bed bugs. And they say (holiday) romance is dead. And well they might.
Rising majestically out of the sea fret, cunningly painted the same colour as the birdshit that the multitude of flying rats deposit when they aren't engaged in dive-bombing disconsolate holidaymakers and then brawling with them over softening chips or hardening ice-cream.
Contrasting starkly against the churning, heaving melancholy of the greyest of skies and battered by the perpetually inclement weather
Ladies and gentlemen...I give you...the Wondrous Spanish City.
Trip Advisor advised against it.
Whoever built it couldn't have meant it.
And you needn't go to Spain
To see The Spanish City in the rain.
I may do a spoken-word "don't wear sunscreen" version of it...I have the music done. Who knows...
Thanks for having a read...sorry I haven't been around much lately.
