[Darren1664]

Hey

Well I had a little experiment of trying to record the process of writing a song. I did my best and the process can be seen in my post here http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13370.0. However, I did find it quite cumbersome to write whilst constantly trying to map my every move and whilst being a nice idea it didn't really help as much as I'd hoped.

I did learn that my process is quite haphazard and random at times but I do think I have slightly reined that in over the years and do try to think a little more as I write. The real win for me was in the recording as I managed to learn two useful techniques. They will probably seem obvious to most but as a relative newbie they were quite new to me. One is tracking guitars and vocal in parts (I mean, how obvious?). Up until now I have always tracked guitar and vocal in one take and the problem is one mistake and the take is ruined. The other technique was the musical break! I'd never really been confident at this but thought I would give it a go and although the result isn't amazing it felt amazing to me to put that in there. It's like a tiny step toward a slightly better experience for the listener. Anyway I have now decided to move this to a work in progress and it will go on the heap with all the others

The song essentially is about my Mum who raised us up on her own after my dad left but sadly has struggled to get on with her own life even after we have grown up and flown the nest. It might be a bit unfair to Mum as she might not see things quite the way they're portrayed here but it is just how it has come out.

To note I am still working on both the arrangement and the lyrics so nothing remotely finished here but thought I would get it up for any comments. Thanks to those that listen and sorry for the above waffle.

https://www.audiomack.com/song/darren1664/rediscovering-julie-3

Lyrics:

Rediscovering Julie

Please take some time to be free
Go see things you want to see
Be the person you always dreamed to be
Don’t live life regretfully

You had your first when you were young
Shelved your dreams, side lined your fun
Played the part of loving wife
When he left we became your life

Pre-Chorus
You did your best by your three sons
You raised them up on your own
Now they’ve gone and flown the nest
It’s time for you to go and

Chorus
Be the best you can be
At being selfish, living free
At putting down that family tree
and Rediscovering Julie

V3
Dwelling on the prospect of a live alone
You creek around in your empty home
When I suggest "Go do something for yourself"
You say 'It's not the same when you're on your own"

I get I get that you feel this way
It's hard to act when you feel afraid
It's so much easier to hide yourself away
but you must pick yourself up and get on with the day

Bridge (??)

Pre-Chorus
You did your best by your three sons
You raised them up on your own
Now they’ve gone and flown the nest
It’s time for you to go and

Chorus
Be the best you can be
At being selfish, living free
At putting down that family tree
and Rediscovering Julie


Outro (??)

[Martinswede]

Hi Darren!

What a nice song you got!
Also the project in itself was/is interesting.

I have not gotten around to record parts that much either.
(Except when I've helped friends record).
Whole takes are often the sole cause of failure in a recording
attempt for me. I guess that makes me both stubborn and stupid.

Your way of writing melodies is a bit unfamiliar to me. You mix
a slow flow of tones with lines that work much more on rhythm.
It has a way of always making your music interesting.

The lyrics are straight forward but still leaves you with open ends
here and there that demands more attention from the listener.

It's nice to hear (of) your progress as a writing musician.

All the best!
Martin

[Darren1664]

Hi Martin

Thank you for listening and commenting!

I started the project full of enthusiasm but it soon became more work then I intended. I am glad you found it interesting though. I have to admit to being stubborn and stupid too I have never tried recording guitar  in parts until recently and quite often, like you, it would be the failure of a recording. We live we learn I suppose!

Thank you. I have a hickledy pickledy method of writing melody but I am glad you think it's interesting. I listen to my own music a lot (way too much to be honest) but I quickly get bored and I end up wanting to add something more to it to spice it up. This has it's drawbacks as sometimes I can over complicate my music and I then have to rein it back in and cut parts. (This has happened with my song Lady Luck which I've all but given up on now I'll return to it one day)

I am also glad to read your comments on the lyrics. I am still not happy with them so there will be some rewriting going on over the coming weeks (busy schedule so struggle for time).

Once again thank you for your kind and helpful comments.

Take care buddy
Darren

[PaulyX]

Hey Darren, really interesting to hear how this is evolving.  You already know I thought the lyrics were ace.  The track is actually nothing like I expected it would be from the lyrics - wasn't expecting that reggae beat and there are more minor chords than I thought there would be, but it's got a distinct vibe because of that, that I think works.  My one suggestion if you're going to go further with it would be to try out some more vocal melodies in the chorus; like I think Martin alludes to too, the hook at the minute is the change of rhythm you introduce at that point - which does work, but maybe the chorus could be more powerful if you combined it with some higher notes at that point.  Depends what you are shooting for though, at present it does have an appealing kind of relaxed, mellow shuffle feel to it in the chorus, I just felt the lyrics turn more forward-looking and positive at that point (compared to the more reflective looking backwards in the verses) so a brighter melody there might fit really well.  Keep at it sir!

[CaliaMoko]

[I think this is a wonderful tribute to your mother. I see you're still working on the lyrics, and I have a couple ideas that may or may not be useful to you. Use them if they are; ignore them if they aren't.

I don't actually have much to recommend for lyric development. What I noticed most was some awkwardness between the words and the rhythm of the music. I expect that's likely due to your not having gotten it polished up yet, so I'll wait till you're farther along with it.

Rediscovering Julie

Please take some time to be free
Go see things you want to see
Be the person you always once dreamed you'd  to be
Don’t live life regretfully
...
V3
Dwelling on the prospect of a life alone
You creek? creak? around in your empty home
When I suggest "Go do something for yourself"
You say 'It's not the same when you're on your own"

[Darren1664]

PaulyX and Vicki - Thank you both very much for your feedback

PaulyX - Good points regarding the chorus and I will tinker around to see what I can do. I am note great with higher notes as I struggle with them vocally but I can certainly give it a try. I am pleased you like the lyrics and yeah the reggae vibe was a little unexpected for me also but maybe a bit forced and not me? I will play around with the rhythm too and see what works best. Thanks for your time buddy

Vicki - Excellent ideas and I will definitely incorporate them in the lyrics. I agree regarding the rhythm - it is not quite right yet and some more work is needed. The last take was recorded quite improvised and so what you hear is what I came up with at the time so a lot of polish needed here. I am working with different ideas but haven't had the time of late to really work on and settle on some lyrics. Will update as I do. Thanks again for your time and suggestions.

Darren