konalavadome

Broken Glass - (Rough Demo)

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Morefrog Jones

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« on: June 17, 2017, 09:23:39 PM »
This is a Rough Demo/Cut & Paste Demo with no 2nd chorus as yet and a rough Vocal etc

https://soundcloud.com/morefrog-jones/walk-over-broken-glass-for-you-rough-demo-1/s-fFcrV

Not sure it flows well at the moment...but I think its got some potential as an Indie Rock Song.

Lyrics as they stand are

Drive me to distraction - just get a reaction
Do you really mean all those silly things that you say
You know that i feel your pain
But you've got give me something to hold on to.

So tell me what you want me to do
and I will walk on broken glass for you
Tell me what you want me to say
And i'l chase all your Troubles away.



Darren1664

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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2017, 03:39:12 PM »
Hi Morefrog

i think this has a lot going for it. I really like the guitar line that opens the song and comes back in after the verse...it's really catchy and simple. The vocal is good and I really liked the whooo and oos at the end of the lines. The chorus is catchy and I really like the broken glass lyric.

If I could offer any input it would be a small adjustments lyrically...and that is to try 'talk' instead of 'chase' on the last line as I feel this would link back to the line before and still make sense.

Just a thought, ignore if it's cruddy :P

Good tune pal and keep working on it :)

Darren

s.l.wolf

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« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2017, 01:07:25 PM »
This has potential. The music is pretty good. When I read Darren's comment I didn't get it, until I went back to the lyrics, and it actually makes a lot of sense, it would work pretty well.
I think it would be cool for something like this to have verses with tiny stories, all separate but with a common thread, you know?
"I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."