accidentally wrote a pop song at 124 bpm

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TheButcher

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« on: June 17, 2017, 05:42:56 AM »
Hello;

I wrote slow indie ballads for 5 years now. I guess my subconciuousness wants to tell me sth.


So heres an almost happy song; with a double bass drum and surfer guitar solos out of tune reverse guitars etc  whatever :)

https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/fall


Julie

with you I'll run away
with you I'm not gonna stay
with you I'll get away from here

that summer night by the lake
we spent it wide awake
someday I'll take you away from here

maybe I lost my touch
when I wanted it all so much

would you say the words I need to hear
would you say the words I need to hear

You need to be
You need to be with someone else
Julie I see
Julie I see you with someone else


peace
« Last Edit: June 27, 2017, 07:58:01 PM by TheButcher »

S.T.C

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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2017, 08:12:57 AM »
Got a 'Get Lucky' vibe to it..was this intentional? it's an ok piece,,maybe the guitars are a bit heavy.

TheButcher

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« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2017, 08:51:08 AM »
Helo and thanks for your reply

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Got a 'Get Lucky' vibe to it..was this intentional?

Hmm; daft punk use Vocoder stuff as well; and the bpm is kinda similar. So; no, not intentional, but i guess there are some references.

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maybe the guitars are a bit heavy.

i agree

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it's an ok piece

well; tx

PaulyX

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« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2017, 06:04:00 PM »
Hey BG,
Nice work.  I'm not sure I'd call it a pop song or 'almost happy' but it doesn't need to be either of those things to sound cool.  I liked the funky melancholic vibe, sounded very modern like fans of The XX might be into.  Very well structured, I like the layers of guitars that creep in - acoustic and then electric.  I enjoyed the vocoder backing vocals too... I tend to hate vocoders on the main vocal but as an ambient touch like this I thought it was a great detail.
Maybe the ending is a bit abrupt however?
Good stuff, keep them coming... I think you've got a lot you can explore in this vibe...
Pauly
It's all too beautiful.

TheButcher

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« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2017, 06:02:42 AM »
Hey Paulyx

Tx a lot.

Ha, so cool you mention xx. I m a big fan; so it s a very nice compliment.

I ve never been a big fan of vocoder stuff too, but it offers  so many ways to create new melodys. Every note needs to be programmed; so, it s not just doing random stuff.
I still wanna do some new vocals this week and use less vocoder in the final version.

Thank you for your feedback

B

Skub

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« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2017, 07:47:55 PM »
Yo Butch.

I always love to hear your new stuff. This has a chilled vibe and as such is enjoyable. I love the experimenting with the vocal harmonies,the guitar coming in around 2.17 less so,though when we get a revisit around 3.33 it doesn't jar as badly. I didn't know what to think of the ending,I'd either like a fade or something more conclusive. Maybe that's to much of a cliche forya?  :D

Ta for the listen.  :)
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955

Rolled in glitter the new album by Vance Magill available from band camp https://vancemagill.bandcamp.com/album/rolled-in-glitter-2

adamfarr

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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2017, 07:54:45 PM »
Cool stuff. I like the way that the lyrics and vocal aren't really the stars and the guitars and intertwining melodies and sounds are what makes it.

Quite chilled and sometimes optimistic - is that the same as almost happy?



tina m

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« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2017, 08:57:12 PM »
your stuff is always very dreamy & melancholic like you live on a very sad cloud
but I always like the lazy vibe that pervades your songs & it always makes me think of a cat..
I didnt mind the vocals or the lyrics at all, tbh I thought it was the  lead guitar solo bits that spoilt it ..I think you could do them a lot better :)
but I still like the song

I will write you some lyrics if you want  :)
 
Tell me Im wonderful & I ll be nice to you :)

digger72

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« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2017, 07:48:07 PM »
Hi

Cool vibe.
I like how the song develops - an interesting little journey. Then it stops and starts again. Creative stuff.
Nice use of effects on the vocals.

Digger

TheButcher

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« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2017, 08:26:23 AM »

first: THANKS A LOT 4 YOUR time ! i know it s precious

Skub

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I love the experimenting with the vocal harmonies,the guitar coming in around 2.17 less so,though when we get a revisit around 3.33 it doesn't jar as badly.

i wanna change that 1st guitar solo; maybe shorten and play sth that makes sense instead of just "noise" ;)

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I didn't know what to think of the ending,I'd either like a fade or something more conclusive. Maybe that's to much of a cliche forya?  Cheesy

:)

adamfarr

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Quite chilled and sometimes optimistic - is that the same as almost happy?

*thumbs up* thank you Adam; yes, i guess so.

tina m

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your stuff is always very dreamy & melancholic like you live on a very sad cloud

i live on a very sad cloud :) - what a picture - haha -

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but I always like the lazy vibe that pervades your songs & it always makes me think of a cat..

i love cats. i can t walk past one, without trying to cuddle it...

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it was the  lead guitar solo bits that spoilt it ..I think you could do them a lot better Smiley

good advice; i will

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I will write you some lyrics if you want  Smiley

sure; i can t promise i ll use them, though :)

digger72

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I like how the song develops - an interesting little journey.

yes; i like that too about this one.

TX again everyone

Darren1664

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« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2017, 04:08:59 PM »
I really liked this. I liked the ambience and I thought the guitars were excellent (myself :P...although I am listening through piddly speakers and not proper monitors so others obvs picked up on something I haven't) and I really liked the introduction of the acoustic guitar.

Lots going on which made this a very interesting listen on second, third listen...Lyrics and vocal are good with some nice harmonies. Get you lyrics nailed and I think your good! :)

Thanks

Darren

TheButcher

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« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2017, 09:35:39 AM »
Hi Darren1664

thank you for replying :)

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I really liked the introduction of the acoustic guitar.

me too. t y

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Lots going on which made this a very interesting listen on second, third listen...Lyrics and vocal are good with some nice harmonies. Get you lyrics nailed and I think your good! Smiley

always struggling with lyrics...

Tx again

diademgrove

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« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2017, 11:38:52 AM »
Reminds me of Everything But the Girl, a good thing. Not sure about the tone of the guitars, destroyed the mood created by the other instruments. That may be my system though.

I think the lyrics are finished. They seem to go with the mood created by the music perfectly.

All in all a great song and an enjoyable way to start Monday afternoon.

Keith

JHoos

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« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2017, 12:08:19 PM »
Hi,

Quite like the musical parts at the start, with panning between left and right working well.  I'm finding your vocal a bit too over processed for my liking, although I do quite like the layering, which is quite well done (the levels you've used to mix the layering - that is).

I didnt expect such a massive variation in the song, where it goes to the part with the acoustic.  Quite liked that, took a different direction, and certainly kept me engaged as new listener.  Although it then kept the same rhythm/feel for quite a while and on into the solo (another 80 seconds or so).  I would say another part would have been useful to provide variation.

I think the mixing/balance is well done, and its quite a nice chilled out song.

Cheers

John


TheButcher

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« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2017, 11:03:54 AM »
thank you people; diademgrove and JHoos

I finally wrote some more lyrics; did further vocal takes and production.

I also dropped the heavy guitar stuff and did less vocoder stuff and more real sung 2nd and 3rd voices.

Also tried to find a good vocal sample. it shows up 1st time between 0:24 and 0:30.

Also tried some production stuff at about 2:50.

so i think i could implement most of your advices; they were very helpful.

not sure if i m finished yet :)

https://soundcloud.com/inside-man-1/fall

t y B.