[Kristupas]

Hi gang

I would like some feedback on my song's lyrics and melodies. I would really appreciate it.

Style: Synthpop

I recorded the melody.
Here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/numberk/just-a-human/s-HCx2d
Its just a layout,
later I would work on accompaniment( I added just to paint the picture).

My doubts, your thoughts
1. Lyrics in general and melody . I started with a metaphor, then I got deep into the metaphor. Do the chorus and verse sound connected to you ? In general, I personally like the sound.
2 I am doubting, should I have Im a Human 3 or 2 times in the chorus
3. I think, pre-chorus should be 2 bars, like it is after the bridge.
4. And the last lines in bridge, should I go high and belt, or remain in the chest resonance.  

Lyrics:

Verse:
New soul makes the hosts happy
Everyone wants to see  mavens or diva s
Tomorrow we‘ll be clapping
With a smiling pokerface,

Chorus:
I’m a human, I need to stay awake
I'm a human, So I could feel the pain,
I’m a human I need to stay awake

Going stale soul is acting
Audience faces painted uneven
Fairy tale spotlight is hidden
Keeping faces entertained

Chorus again,

Bridge:

Spotlight is broken, light is in the stage
And it flies inside the souls body
Like a bird going out of the cage
Soul can see the actual glory
How it meant to be glowing
Without painting the faces


I recorded the melody.
Here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/numberk/just-a-human/s-HCx2d

[Gill]

Hi, good song altogether. Though I noticed the verse sounds little uneven or "squashed" but could be just me. The rest sounds good and structured. I'm having trouble on understanding the meaning of the song lyrically?  What's it about?

[Kristupas]

Hi, Fhaos

Thanks for checking it out.

By "squashed" you mean lines too long?

Lyrically I wanted to write differently from what I usually do (to use ABBA)
So in the 1st verse was: A.B/B.A.C
2nd verse: A.B.B.C
I think that is what u mean.

Other songwriters mention that the verses should be equal. Is that always the rule, what's your opinion?

It's about thinking that one is better than everyone else, and labeling others(painting faces uneven) ,
which paradoxically gives you the worst label.
I'm a human I need to stay awake : I do that thing unconsciously, so I have to be aware(everyone does
And feeling pain is very liberating, and being aware = feeling pain, not running away.
This is based on personal life events, big and small that happened one after the other
in a short period of time.
That is my biggest problem - writing a song, that resonates with others.

I guess I plunged to deep into metaphors, making it to much misunderstanding?

Melodically  I really like the bridge, and chorus melody.
Maybe I should rewrite verses later, and at the same time the bridge,
to change the verse structure and melody but maintain the bridge melody,
which can be hard

Thank you, Fhaos!, while answering, I actually got an idea how to make it more understandable and relatable, maybe will rewrite, I need some more opinions.