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Aeroplane Song - Summer Competition Entry

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ScottLevi

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« on: June 15, 2017, 05:24:08 PM »
Hey hey,

First off, not looking for reviews on this at all, I haven't earnt them and can't be sure to return the favour anytime soon.

That said I probably shouldn't be posting this at all, but I really want to be part of the Summer Competition after narrowly missing out on post count during last year's Halloween. Hopefully give me a push to make more time to review the other entries.

Also no problem if this is decided non-eligible, due to lack of pulse. I'm being cheeky as is.

I've lost my home studio capability, so this straight-to-soundcloud recording in a Tenerife apartment bathroom is the best I can do (poor effort I know 😵)

Wrote the lyrics on the plane over and put some simple chords together on my uke (good for travelling if nothing else).

Hope some may enjoy

https://soundcloud.com/namelessmc/summer-aeroplane-song

Chorus
Blue wrinkled leather lays still beneath us,
As shadows crawl through faded yellow,
We pray the sky don't drop-release us,
To meet our fate with what's below

A carpet of white,
Floats above the mountain peaks,
Reflecting back the light,
Full of colour and heat

The clouds lose pace,
And green and brown protrude,
With elegance and grace,
To paint this lovely view

Chorus

I see infinite canyons,
Reflecting back the sun,
It's beautifully random,
And naturally done

Layers of land,
Gradiate the horizon,
Until we pass the sand,
And the it all starts to whiten

Chorus

Much love,
Scottay
« Last Edit: June 15, 2017, 05:26:36 PM by ScottLevi »
 
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Martinswede

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« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2017, 07:33:10 PM »
Hi!

Personally I think the (only) good thing about competitions like this one
are that they spur your creativity.

It got to me and it seems like it's got to you too.

Have a good summer!

Martin

tina m

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« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2017, 07:07:26 PM »
This is the mark of a diehard songwriter Scott...turning a holiday flight into a set of artistic lyrics & then recording a song in the hotel bathroom with a contraband guitar youve smuggled thru customs!
& all done while your supposed to be clubbing & drinking & sunbathing, if I can just remind you! :)
The lyrics were very poetic & pastoral & sounded quite unique done in your urban rap style,
I would like to hear this with some more instruments added

Tell me Im wonderful & I ll be nice to you :)

PaulAds

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« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2017, 08:23:05 PM »
Hey, Scott...

Nice set of lyrics done in your own individual style

Have a great holiday  :)
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Oldbutyet

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« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2017, 09:15:38 PM »
Hey hey Scott.

You got style Man   8)   summer festival style, great lyrics (so deep man) space the final frontier there's no where else to go my friend, really great to hear your style again.

Enjoy your holiday its doing you good, Great song   8)

PaulyX

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« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2017, 04:12:50 PM »
Hey Scottay, wow, this is so unique.  I really love the lyrics... there's something really magical about gazing out of a plane window isn't there?  Like getting a little glimpse of an alternative universe that is just floating 30,000 ft above our heads.
I had no idea what the track would sound like from the lyrics, which I think is a good thing.  I think it does work in a cool off-kilter way with just the uke and rap - totally unexpected! (Have you checked out Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer by the way?  See YouTube.  He's the grand master of "chap-hop" and sounds a bit like this.)  Equally though I'd like to hear a version of this with loads more going on... big beats and industrial bass.
Enjoy your holiday and keep writing!  Good luck in the comp!
It's all too beautiful.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2017, 02:49:52 AM »
What I like:
Images painted with your words..."blue wrinkled leather", "layers of land", canyons "reflecting back the sun". I liked the whole feel of being in the air, looking down...kind of exhilirating.

What I think could be improved:
4th line of chorus...the rhyme with the 2nd line is awkward, as the strong beats don't coincide. Yellow is YEL-low while below is be-LOW. They're opposite each other.

I'm not sure why, but I would prefer the line "I see infinite canyons" start differently. I don't like the "I see". I would rather hear another adjective there. I'm not sure what. Maybe something like "Deep and infinite canyons", but I think there's something better out there somewhere.

Likewise "It's beautifully random". I don't like "It's" in there. I would prefer something like "So beautifully random" or something like that.

In both cases I feel like the current words bring the feeling down to earth and I would rather it stay floating in the air.

Vicki

diademgrove

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« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2017, 08:11:30 AM »
Great song, had me bouncing around on a Sunday morning. really liked the lo-fi recording.

Keith

Skub

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« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2017, 01:39:09 PM »
Yo Scott.

I bloody hate ukes,that's twice I've typed that today.  :D

The song has potential and I think it could have legs,but I can't get past that uke.  :(

Lyrically interesting.

I'd love to hear you get it done the way I want to hear it!  :D
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Paulski

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« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2017, 12:07:22 AM »
Hi Scott

Well lyrically, rhythmically and energy-wise this takes the cake.
I prefer a more melodic tune but I can see the merits in your work here -  especially considering the limitations a holiday can impose  ;D ;D
Oh yeah, and Uke's - not my cuppa either though I guess they're easily tuned..

Good luck in the comp!
Paul

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« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2017, 05:37:56 PM »
Well I suppose this has got to win the prize for the most appropriate recording location!

The lyric is great....a little bit more work in a few areas to really tighten it up maybe.

The song is good but I also think that could be refined too. Given the recording restrictions/studio limitations and all that I'm looking at this as a rough demo idea that hasn't yet been given the full treatment that it's begging for. I don't mind the uke as a demo tool for showing us what you've got here but I'd junk it when you get back to the studio and do the full version.

Hope you're not going to just ditch this and leave it as it is...that's a nice lyric and deserves better.
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