[Jenna]

The link to what I've got so far:
https://soundcloud.com/lollypop-guild/fallout-update-1

Lyrics:

Fallout
v.1
Fallout shelter underground.
Survival gear scattered around.
Drums of grains. Mildew stains.
Cold War relics still remain.
v.2
Rural folks lived to tell
of childhood days they knew too well.
War fears stoked. Paranoia stroked.
Armageddon had been provoked.
v.3
Another generation's passed.
Fallout shelters holding fast.
War fears stoked. Paranoia stroked.
Armageddon's still blowing smoke.
c.1
The fallout is here
It's become clear
Profiteers and financiers
(hell bent on)
choking off our atmosphere.
Armageddon's growing near.
v.4
Fallout shelter underground,
survival gear hand-me-downs,
Militia crackbrains. Bulging veins.
Armageddon's drum still sounds.
c.2
The fallout is here.
The consequence appeared,
a dying global biosphere.
We look to space, the new frontier.
Armageddon perseveres.


The melody is coming along now, finally. It came to me last night while I was trying to fall asleep, then I had to get up right away and record it. Will toy with that next, then embellishing the music around the lyrics. But I think this sets the tone for what I had in mind. I like it best playing on a loop.

[PaulyX]

Hi Jenna, there only seems to be a drumloop in this link and nothing else so far? It's a nice drum loop... but were you aiming to share a bit more? Wrong file upload maybe? Pauly

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Jenna. Lovely ambience. Want some bass on that ? If so send me  a pm. More than happy to work on this together with your lyrics 

[Jenna]

Hi PaulyX. Yes. Just the drum track setting the background. I probably should have developed more before posting? It's my first track. I'm probably a little too keen to post updates - like someone having their first baby or something.  Please forgive.

[Stylus]

    You could  possibly   do a  'guide  vocal'   track   along with the   lyrics   &  Other  stuff can be added after that.  Theres  lots of people  on here  who  are ready  to help ( by way of  instruments) if required.
           Everyone starts  somewhere?    So  keep up the good work....

[PaulyX]

Ok cool Jenna, it's a nice loop... it was just because you said "the melody is coming along now" and you had recorded it,  I thought you'd missed some tracks out. Looking forward to hearing that when you're ready.

[Jenna]

Apologies, Pauly. I'll need to be more clear and probably should go edit that bit over on SoundCloud. My melody keeps coming out like the song Royal by Lordes, which isn't exactly unfamiliar or copyright free at the moment. I'm trial running some bass line loops through Mixcraft and have one recorded on top of the rhythm track. It's now up at SoundCloud, too. I seem to be favoring the industrial-style loops. It fits the topic, at least.

[Oldbutyet]

What exactly are you stretching here

[Jenna]

Yarns?  

I sat down to work on it a bit tonight and the whole thing took a different direction -> Truth in Love

A little pitchy in places and I hate the sound of my own voice, but I had a ball putting it together. It was supposed to cut off a couple of measures after the vocal ends on the snare beat, so ignore the long bit at the end.

https://soundcloud.com/lollypop-guild/truth-in-love

Oops. Lyrics would help. Wording varies a little. Singing off the cuff does that.

You've got a way about ya
Coming around like dogs sniffing for bones
When I'm alone
And I"m alone

feeling this way with my arms around ya
something is stirring from deep within my bones
It turns me on,
It's got me on

I've got no way around ya
I'm sunk in deep like treasure in the ground
I'm so far down
I'm so far gone
I'm going down

you spread out your body and put the groove on
reach out your hand and touch me down below
the feeling grows
and it grows

I'm burning, I'm yearning, I'm longing for ya
Come on along with me
Let's get it on
Let's get it on
let' et it on

You've got a way about ya
Showing me where the truth in love belongs
You're never wrong
You're never wrong
I'm so far gone

[Gill]

Hmm the vocals seem to be faded and a lot of reverb? Or is that intentional? But I can make out the melody enough to say it has substance and urbanity 

[Jenna]

Not intentional. Maybe it's best that way for now. haha A little more practice should even out the pitch issues. Yes, lots of reverb. Too much? I thought it gave it a sort of dreamy feel = like echoes in her mind.

[Stylus]

   Great !    Work in progress  &   From  the  lyrics  Is the   start  of  some form  of melody.   

   Now   listen to it  over & over   &   implement   the  bits you like   &  adjust  improve on bits  that could be bettered.  Aim is to end up  with a  melody that best fits  the lyrics.  The  initial  exploration of the  melody  & first   attempt  of   singing the  lyrics   is setting the motion   to  be at comfort with both melody & music.
                        A   little reverb  is good at this stage   as  any  colouration,effects   can be added  towards  the  end of  completing this song.  For now  structure the song  &  decide  where  there can be a break on vocals  for  a instrument piece  etc.   
                  It indeed has potential...   its an idea,concept  & work in progress  & has potential.....
                                                       
                                                                 Niceeeeeeeee    Jenna   

[Oldbutyet]

Cool song i like it, you're singing with the flow but don't be hiding within it, im hearing style here but you need to put more confidence in your vocals and take control but just the right amount, really good flowing swaying feel to this.

You got a cool song here, nice one 

[Jenna]

Great. Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'm not a singer, so hesitated putting this out there. It's not exactly a shining debut. lol

[PaulyX]

There's real promise here Jenna... I like the weird industrial relentless percussion, the minimal hypnotic bass line, and your melody uses some eastern-sounding scales from what I can hear that make the whole sound exotic.  I agree with the others though that the vocal is way too shrouded at the moment.  Keep on it and keep it weird!  By the way, a real left turn with your lyrics compared to what you started out with... funny how that happens isn't it?