[hazzaj500]

The girl who’ll never see me

Oh I don’t know if it’s fantasy or real life
This girl is all I think about
But all I can say is Hi
I hold myself back each day
When all that will happen is that she may(say yes)
But when the moments right she’ll realise I’m the one she should stay…
With,

Cos     iiiiiiiii,
See her and think I can flyyyyyy
Just by taking her haaaand
Like I’m in her favourite baaaaand

Cos sheeeeee
Has never been able to seeeeeee
How perfect she is to meeeee
All I know is I’ll never be, never be, never be, never be

Her love for life

Cos my confidence has a limit
A roof, a wall, a ceiling
My chances are wheeling
Away
Yes; she’s that girl
Who’ll never see my true feeling.





Cos     iiiiiiiii,
See her and think I can flyyyyy
Just by taking her haaaaand
Like I’m in her favourite rock baaaand


Cos sheeeeee
Has never been able to seeeee
How perfect she is to meeee
All I know is I’ll never be, never be, never be, never be

Her love for life

Cos my confidence has a limit
A roof, a wall, a ceiling
My chances are wheeling
Away
Yes; she’s that girl
Who’ll never see my true feeling.




Cos     iiiiiiiii,
See her and she's too highhhh
Now i can't reach her haaaaand
As she hasn't seen my baaaand


Cos sheeeeee
Is now never going to seeeeeee
How perfect she is to meeeee
All I know is I’ll never be, never be, never be, never be

Her love for life


(chord pattern in the chorus is Em, G, Dsus2, Asus4 - yes like wonderwall i know)
((In the verses/pre chorus) - G, G/F#, Em, D, Cadd9, D, G)

Let us know what you think

[diademgrove]

Hi hazzaj,

I like the chorus, "Cos sheee etc". I'm not keen on the pre-chorus (?) "Cos IIIIIIIII etc". Mainly because of the band reference, That might just be my age but it doesn't sound right.

I don't think the rest of the song works. it seems you have one verse "Oh I don't know etc" and a bridge which is sung twice "Cos my confidence etc". I think you need a second verse and to be a bit more direct. You need to show us why you only think of her, explain why you hold back and how you feel. the second verse could describe what happens when you want to ask her out but don't.

Sorry for being so negative but your chorus deserves a better framework to bring out its full potential.

If you disagree please feel free to ignore me.

You may find you get more responses if you comment on other people's lyrics and music. This is a great community that works on the principle of helping each other get better. It may be a bit intimidating at first but sometimes a simple I like that maybe enough.

Keith

Keith

[hazzaj500]

Thanks keith, i see what you mean, i had a second verse in there but i tried too hard to simplify the song, here it is


2 years down the line
I’m Still not feeling fine
Both left college but I still see her as mine
I need to realise
It’s only a matter of time for meeeee
Before she finds her ideal man to keeeep
And I ask myself whyyy?
Why did I never make her mine?

[diademgrove]

The missing second verse is much better, I don't understand why you took it out. The only bit I don't like is "but I still see her as mine". It sounds creepy as the song is about you wanting to ask her out but haven't got the courage. The two years is a nice touch, shows how painful your hesitation is.

Keith