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The First Time I Saw You .. Work in Progress

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Marrianna

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« on: June 05, 2017, 08:25:53 PM »
Hi everyone,



I found these words out again many years on, and so is now becoming a work in progress after setting them to my own music. I have had it demoed but not sure whether to settle for how it is or to write an actual, real chorus. The first one here seems more like a bridge.
                            
                          The First Time I Saw You

                                         verse1
                             The first time I saw you
                             Love was furthest from my mind
                             Two lost people together
                             Leaving memories far behind

                                          verse2
                            The first time I held you
                            All I needed was to know
                            You were mine for that moment
                            Then I'd surely let you go

                                            Chorus
                            I was wrong, I'm bound to say
                            Love this strong won't go away

                                           verse 3
                            The first time I kissed you
                            Stars came tumbling from the sky
                            Then I knew for the first time
                            Love doesn't have to mean goodbye

                                             End
                                        I was wrong
                                       Love is strong
                                        We belong

                                  lyrics by M.Heawood (C)

 In the beginning, the first line had to be The First Time I Saw You.


Marrianna

diademgrove

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« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2017, 10:09:34 PM »
Hi Marianna,

I posted this in the lyrics section and then released it had been moved to wip.

I'm not sure if you are looking for feedback but your words work for me. The only line that I'm not sure about is "I was wrong, I'm bound to say". Not sure why, it just seems out of place to my ears.

Keith


Marrianna

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« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2017, 12:47:16 AM »
Hi Keith,
Thanks for reading the words I posted and for your comment. Looking at the words 'I'm bound to say', I have to admit that they do look rather odd and out of place, .. quite clumsy really. Thinking back on the music the words needed to go with, the notes were quite incidental in that part, and so maybe I thought that 'I'm bound to say' would be insignificant and therefore would highlight the first part of the line 'I was wrong' (I'm bound to say').
Thankyou for sharing your thoughts on that part of the lyrics. It has made me think quite hard about whether the words just look awkward when read, and maybe will not be that way when sung with the music. Will need to listen to the recording again.
Best Wishes from
Marrianna :-)

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2017, 11:31:59 AM »
Hi Marrianna,

I think that lyrics have to be exceptional to stand out on their own.  These are well written but don't shine in isolation from the music.  I'm tempted to offer minor suggestions to omit the odd word here and there  but I won't as this may all fit perfectly once added to music. In any event, I think lyric writing is so personal and I'm sure you will know what is best required for your song.

Paul

Marrianna

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« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2017, 03:12:57 PM »
Hi Marrianna,

I think that lyrics have to be exceptional to stand out on their own.  These are well written but don't shine in isolation from the music.  I'm tempted to offer minor suggestions to omit the odd word here and there  but I won't as this may all fit perfectly once added to music. In any event, I think lyric writing is so personal and I'm sure you will know what is best required for your song.

Paul
Hi Paul,
I found your comments very interesting and made me think over as to whether many lyrics to songs that have made it commercially have lyrics that stand out alone without the music which could have in fact, been the deciding factor in it's popularity.

I'm not sure I would know what is 'best', for my song though.

Thankyou for your thought-provoking comments and good luck with your own songwriting.
Marrianna :)

Paulski

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« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2017, 07:58:10 PM »
OK - I moved this comment from the lyrics section too - so I apologize if you have to read it twice :)

Hi Marrianna

Looks like a solid write to me.
I like how each verse starts out the same - keeps the lyric sounding familiar while introducing new things. The only sugg I would make it to get the title into the back end somehow - it gets abandoned in the first verse.

Maybe a final verse like:

Quote
The first time I saw you
How could I have known..
blah blah about strong love etc.  ;D

Or not - looking forward to hearing this
Paul

Marrianna

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« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2017, 03:39:32 PM »
OK - I moved this comment from the lyrics section too - so I apologize if you have to read it twice :)

Hi Marrianna

Looks like a solid write to me.
I like how each verse starts out the same - keeps the lyric sounding familiar while introducing new things. The only sugg I would make it to get the title into the back end somehow - it gets abandoned in the first verse.

Maybe a final verse like:

Quote
The first time I saw you
How could I have known..
blah blah about strong love etc.  ;D

Or not - looking forward to hearing this
Paul

Hi Paul,
Thankyou for commenting and making the suggestion of bringing the title in at the end of the song. It
is only half the title which was abandoned as I had written 'then I knew for the first time. I didn't think to write the first part again as I had moved the relationship forward in the following verses. That isn't to say I haven't thought about your idea but maybe it couldn't work because of the line I have mentioned with the words 'the first time' already brought back?

More thinking to do to try to get it right  :)
Marrianna

Darren1664

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« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2017, 10:59:16 PM »
Hi Marianna

I like your words...be interested to hear them to music! Some good suggestions for other posters :)

With the line 'I was wrong, I'm bound to say' I thought would also work as 'I was wrong, I'm bound to stay' as it would follow on from the letting you go line and tie in with love being strong...just a suggestion! :)

But yes they work for me as lyrics! And I like the simplicity of them...they tell the story in a clear concise manner

All the best

Darren

Marrianna

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« Reply #8 on: June 15, 2017, 10:33:19 AM »
Hi Marianna

I like your words...be interested to hear them to music! Some good suggestions for other posters :)

With the line 'I was wrong, I'm bound to say' I thought would also work as 'I was wrong, I'm bound to stay' as it would follow on from the letting you go line and tie in with love being strong...just a suggestion! :)

But yes they work for me as lyrics! And I like the simplicity of them...they tell the story in a clear concise manner

All the best

Darren

Hello Darren,
I was pleased to see your comments which are very helpful. It is good to see that most of the words are acceptable to the members who have commented. :)
I found your idea interesting to use the word 'stay' and that the word 'bound' didn't seem to bother you :) which makes it more a matter of taste, now, rather than a mistaken word to use.
I did think of more lines ending in 'stay' and may be worth considering so thankyou very much for taking the time to tell me your thoughts. To have told the story in such short lines, and that you appreciated the complete work was very nice to see.
Good Luck from
Marianna :)

Oldbutyet

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« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2017, 10:46:15 PM »
Hi everyone,



I found these words out again many years on, and so is now becoming a work in progress after setting them to my own music. I have had it demoed but not sure whether to settle for how it is or to write an actual, real chorus. The first one here seems more like a bridge.
                            
                          The First Time I Saw You

                                         verse1
                             The first time I saw you
                             Love was furthest from my mind
                             Two lost people together
                             Leaving memories far behind

                                          verse2
                            The first time I held you
                            All I needed was to know
                            You were mine for that moment
                            Then I'd surely let you go

                                            Chorus
                            I was wrong, I'm bound to say
                            Love this strong won't go away

                                           verse 3
                            The first time I kissed you
                            Stars came tumbling from the sky
                            Then I knew for the first time
                            Love doesn't have to mean goodbye

                                             End
                                        I was wrong
                                       Love is strong
                                        We belong

                                  lyrics by M.Heawood (C)

 In the beginning, the first line had to be The First Time I Saw You.


Marrianna


Hi Marrianna

Do you have a recording of your lyrics, i always find listening back is the best way of finding the right flow and then make changes where changes need to be made, you got really nice lyrics but thats only in reading, how do they sound like listening back.

You got a really lovely way in singing your words so believe me after reading your lyrics im really looking forward to hearing your style   8)

s.l.wolf

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« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2017, 08:19:28 PM »
This is very well written, solid lyrics, well structured, I really like it.
I hope you find the right music & melody for it, because it could be really special if you pull it off.
Just a suggestion, does it work for you to have the ending go

"because now that I know you
I know that I was wrong
all I think of...is you
our love, and that we belong"


Just to kind of end it similarly to how you started it but now acknowledging that you know this person (as apposed to having just met them), & the all I think of is you, is because at first love wasn't on your mind, and now you can't stop thinking about this person, and the love you share.
Just think about it, and tell me if you like it :)
"I am no prophet — and here's no great matter.
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker."

Marrianna

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« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2017, 10:34:22 PM »
Hi everyone,



I found these words out again many years on, and so is now becoming a work in progress after setting them to my own music. I have had it demoed but not sure whether to settle for how it is or to write an actual, real chorus. The first one here seems more like a bridge.
                            
                          The First Time I Saw You

                                         verse1
                             The first time I saw you
                             Love was furthest from my mind
                             Two lost people together
                             Leaving memories far behind

                                          verse2
                            The first time I held you
                            All I needed was to know
                            You were mine for that moment
                            Then I'd surely let you go

                                            Chorus
                            I was wrong, I'm bound to say
                            Love this strong won't go away

                                           verse 3
                            The first time I kissed you
                            Stars came tumbling from the sky
                            Then I knew for the first time
                            Love doesn't have to mean goodbye

                                             End
                                        I was wrong
                                       Love is strong
                                        We belong

                                  lyrics by M.Heawood (C)

 In the beginning, the first line had to be The First Time I Saw You.


Marrianna


Hi Marrianna

Do you have a recording of your lyrics, i always find listening back is the best way of finding the right flow and then make changes where changes need to be made, you got really nice lyrics but thats only in reading, how do they sound like listening back.

You got a really lovely way in singing your words so believe me after reading your lyrics im really looking forward to hearing your style   8)

Hi Pat,
I'm sorry to have been so long replying to your thoughts on the song. I have a home recording somewhere of how I felt the song should go with new words (instead of Three Coins In The Fountain). As yet, I still haven't found it but did have a demo made with male vocals which gives an idea how the music went with the words. ... but .. I will still keep looking when I can to find my own piano and vocals because that made it more personal, I think. Thankyou for posting and am pleased to read your comments as always.

All the best
Marrianna :)

Marrianna

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« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2017, 10:39:03 PM »
This is very well written, solid lyrics, well structured, I really like it.
I hope you find the right music & melody for it, because it could be really special if you pull it off.
Just a suggestion, does it work for you to have the ending go

"because now that I know you
I know that I was wrong
all I think of...is you
our love, and that we belong"


Just to kind of end it similarly to how you started it but now acknowledging that you know this person (as apposed to having just met them), & the all I think of is you, is because at first love wasn't on your mind, and now you can't stop thinking about this person, and the love you share.
Just think about it, and tell me if you like it :)

Hello, Si,
Thankyou very much for your pleasing comments on the song. It is really nice to see your ideas on the ending which i really like. What I may do is write out some new music for the ending and take your ideas on board to see if it would work with what I already have.
Thankyou again
Marrianna  :)

Oldbutyet

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« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2017, 11:48:20 PM »
Always lovely to hear from you Marrianna, hope you're keeping well  8)

I cant really add to what i post in reply, so when you're ready.

Post a link to your songs but anyway, on finding your post i cant help but think of your song "Blue Eyes In The Mirror" it has me thinking.

https://soundcloud.com/marriannasongs/track-1

Theres a wonderful fabulous artist call Imelda May, check her out  8)