The First Time I Saw You (Moved to Work In Progress)

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Marrianna

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« on: June 05, 2017, 12:23:22 AM »
Hi everyone,

These words were written a long time ago for a lyric contest on TV

                                 The First Time I Saw You

                                         verse1
                             The first time I saw you
                             Love was furthest from my mind
                             Two lost people together
                             Leaving memories far behind

                                          verse2
                            The first time I held you
                            All I needed was to know
                            You were mine for that moment
                            Then I'd surely let you go

                                            Chorus
                            I was wrong, I'm bound to say
                            Love this strong won't go away

                                           verse 3
                            The first time I kissed you
                            Stars came tumbling from the sky
                            Then I knew for the first time
                            Love doesn't have to mean goodbye

                                             End
                                        I was wrong
                                       Love is strong
                                        We belong

                lyrics by M.Heawood (C)

The competition was to write new words for the song Three Coins In The Fountain. The first line had to be The First Time I Saw You.

I found the words out again many years on, and so is now becoming a work in progress to establish a new MOR ballad. Will move to that category as soon as I can.

Marrianna

« Last Edit: June 05, 2017, 09:44:18 PM by Marrianna »

diademgrove

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« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2017, 09:44:38 PM »
Hi Marianna,

I'm not sure if you are looking for feedback but your words work for me. The only line that I'm not sure about is "I was wrong, I'm bound to say". Not sure why, it just seems out of place to my ears.

I'll check out the work in progress later.

Keith

Jenna

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« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2017, 04:31:51 AM »
Very nice lyrics. I love how each first verse line builds on the depth of the relationship. I'll have to agree that "I'm bound to say," stood our for me, too. I think "I'll have to say," would sound more natural.

Marrianna

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« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2017, 03:04:42 PM »
Very nice lyrics. I love how each first verse line builds on the depth of the relationship. I'll have to agree that "I'm bound to say," stood our for me, too. I think "I'll have to say," would sound more natural.

Hi Jenna,
Thankyou for your comments and am pleased you liked the 'development of the relationship' you referred to.
I take your suggestion to replace 'I'm bound to say' with 'I have to say' but I'm not sure the words have the meaning I meant. I agree that they look better in written form though so will keep thinking and considering.
Thanks again
Marrianna :)

Paulski

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« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2017, 04:55:22 PM »
Hi Marrianna

Looks like a solid write to me.
I like how each verse starts out the same - keeps the lyric sounding familiar while introducing new things. The only sugg I would make it to get the title into the back end somehow - it gets abandoned in the first verse.

Maybe a final verse like:

Quote
The first time I saw you
How could I have known..
blah blah about strong love etc.  ;D

Or not - looking forward to hearing this
Paul