[CaliaMoko]

I've been working on this one for awhile. I had a verse, double verse actually, and a chorus and then I got stuck. Putting it away and taking it back out occasionally wasn't working, so I finally asked for some inspiration from outside my brain.

The wonderful Mr PaulAds said he was up for it, so I sent him what I had. He got some bright ideas and made a guide track for me. It was very different from what I had been doing (for instance, it went from 3/4 time to 4/4 time) and, at first, I couldn't even figure out how to fit in what I had. But when it clicked, I was inspired to finish the words, and this is the result. I started in WIP, but I moved it now to FS, because I think it might be done.

What I hope to get for feedback: Does this work as it is, or should I consider additional production stuff (which I would have to outsource, since I can't even hear the difference, for instance, between EQ and no EQ, even when I'm told "it's obvious").

I added a little reverb to my voice in this final (maybe?) version, because I didn't think it was mixing in nicely with the accompaniment, but I don't know if it helped.

I wrote this song as a kind of companion to a book written by two people I know, and they like it a lot, just as it is. They are waiting for me to tell them it is final so they can add a link to it from their site.

https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/wall-seeker-1/s-iGons

Wall Seeker

Darkness pervades my reality.
Mischief is everywhere I see.
Blindness mistaken for vanishing light.
Winds of despair blowing clouds in my eyes.

Searching for wisdom, I stumble and fall.
I flee from the watchmen, run into a wall.
There's nowhere to go; I have run out of time.
A burst of frustration persuades me to climb.

Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I will be.
The wall conceals something that's precious to me.
I need to take action; I know what to do.
Climbing the wall is my only way through.

I'm over the wall now and to my surprise
I find what I'm seeking, laid bare before my eyes.
My vision is sharp and my purpose is clear.
Knowledge has helped me to sublimate my fear.

Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I've become.
I've more walls to climb; there is never just one.
Guided by watchmen; each wall that I find
Inspires me to leave my old blindness behind.

Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison

[jamesh]

Hi there

Well, I cant quite understand whats going on from the Lyrics, but then having not read the books, that might be understandable. That's part of the fun with songs of course, where they may mean different things to different people. It sounds like a fantasy story?  One small point on the Lyrics however: You are fleeing from the watchmen, but then later on you are guided by the watchmen. I guess I need to read the book.

I felt the arrangement needed more variation, as the guitar, though sounding good, sounded the same throughout. Vocals are a bit loud possibly, but then at least you can hear the lyrics!

Melody is good and it works in 4/4 time. I couldn't imagine it in 3/4 time now.




James

[Paulski]

Hi Vicki

Good song!
I liked the melody lines and the hook/title is unique (and respected).
YThe lyrics are good - however I wanted wall to be plural for some reason:

The walls conceal things that are precious to me

Your vocals are great - but is the backing track on one channel and your vocals on another?
The reason I ask is that that's what it sounds like.
If you get all the tracks, and mix your vocal with them I think it would sit better in the mix.
But maybe it's my ears - played in too many loud bars. 

Nice work!
Paul

[Oldbutyet]

Hi Vicki your link is reading This track was not found. Maybe it has been removed.

Your lyrics read good has that dark mystic feel which i like but not to sure about the title, maybe "Wall Seeker and The Watchmen" very interesting read, cool.

[CaliaMoko]

@jamesh
I was hoping to give the impression that I felt I was being chased by the watchmen but, when I gave up and went the direction they were chasing me, I realized that was where I needed to go, which made me realize I was being guided by them. But you're right. It would definitely be more obvious to those who read the book. Or even just the parable of the watchmen the book uses. Thank you for your comments and observations.

@Paulski
You're right. Separate channels, as you described. I used the backing to record my vocals and then just stuck them together to post. For a final version, I'll have to do something better than that.

I read through the lyric, and I can see why you get a feeling about the wall(s) being plural in the first verse. But I need the to progress from being forced over that first wall (singular) to realizing there [life] is a series of walls.

Thanks for the compliments!

@Oldbutyet
If you get a chance, try again. Maybe there was a glitch when you tried. I just checked to make sure it's correct, and it is. I'm hoping there was just a gremlin interfering when you attempted to listen. Thanks for the compliment and the suggestion for the title.

And thanks to everyone who's listened so far.

Vicki

[Yodasdad]

Yeah, I can't access the song either...

Yodasdad

[CaliaMoko]

Okay, it's fixed. But I'm very confused. There was a small error in the link. And yet, when I tested it before, it took me to the song??? I don't understand. But it should work for everyone now. 

[LostBoy]

Hi Vicki,

I really like the lyrics & you sing this very well (as usual  ) the music is great, but the the vocal does feel disconnected to the music. You could try putting the same reverb that you put on your vocal (not too much however.) on the music aswell so that everything glues together a bit better. Or it could just be as simple as adjusting volumes.

I'm not sure if that's helpful to you? but that's what I was hearing. 

That's so cool that your friends love it! That's the main thing! 

Best of luck with it...it really is almost finished...just a couple of tweaks!

[tina m]

A very unusual title!
The lyrics sound sort of futuristic, like a sci fi story...i felt sure youd be knocking the walls down, but no you were climbing over them!...I suppose it does mean less mess to clear up!
I love the combination of Pauls rocking music & your folky voice...it realy works & the song is very catchy
however I dont think it sounds anywhere near as good as it could at the moment.. the music and the vocals do not sound together
I dont know but it sounds like Pauls music has ended up in mono instead of stereo?
Im sure someone else can tell you for sure

[PaulAds]

Hi Vicki...

i like it, of course...i've really enjoyed watching and even having the pleasure of being a small part of your songwriting adventure...

i just wanted to help out and maybe give it a slightly different direction...so i spent about an hour whacking a basic backing track down...Vicki sussed out exactly what i was thinking of with the different time signature etc...and managed to adapt her melody to the pretty constricting and very basic backing track i did...so if you can provide me with a download link for the vocal track...i'll try to get a mix together...though i'm a long way away from anything more than competence at that business...i just try balancing levels, fix anything that sticks out too much and then hope for the best 

[CaliaMoko]

...so if you can provide me with a download link for the vocal track...i'll try to get a mix together...though i'm a long way away from anything more than competence at that business...i just try balancing levels, fix anything that sticks out too much and then hope for the best 

You got it. I'm working on getting a WAV uploaded. I have to use my phone, because I'm not anywhere with adequate bandwidth today And I'm not that proficient at smart phones, so it takes me a little longer....

[Skub]

Yo Vicki.
This will work really well in a finished version. The others have mentioned it sounds like you have recorded the vocals dry while playing Paul's track live. The whole thing married together will be a fine listen.

[Oldbutyet]

Nice one, after reading your lyrics and hearing what Paul's style has giving this its just a matter of getting both styles together in the mix, i really like the fast movement of it give it the right mystic feel to your lyrics and your style of singing gives the listener that feel of been with you, good but will soon be a great song, has a great flowing movement feel to it   

[hardtwistmusic]

This came together incredibly well. . . and interestingly enough, it did so right here in front of our eyes.  This entire thread (from lyric section through this final version in "finished songs) should be required reading for every beginning songwriter.

It is really an excellent example of how to write a song.  Then how to relinquish parts of it to improve it.  AND how to keep crafting and changing and improving until you reach a point where it is "finished enough to move on from."  No song is ever "finished beyond a chance at improvement" but you have to stop somewhere. 

The crafting of this song just persisted, and persisted, and then (at just the right moment) called it good enough. 

Wonderful song that is light years better than it was at the beginning, AND that perfectly illustrates the songwriting/songcrafting process. 

I'll refer back to this thread for years to come. 

[PaulyX]

Hey Vickie (and Paul)
Looking forward to hearing the remixed version here, you can tell it is going to be a killer track when all glued together a bit more.  So far for me the standouts are the 'happy contrast' between your folksy vocal and the nicely scuzzy guitars (great guitar sound Paul), and the melody (chorus in particular, which is the way it should be of course).
I wasn't sure if I liked the title at first... it's certainly intriguing, but also seemed a bit lumpen as a title to me, but then here I am sitting here thinking about it, which is proof that it draws you in.  I liked Oldbutyet's suggestion for "Wall Seeker and the Watchmen" as a better title though. I did think the words work well in the lyrics themselves, its just the title that could be a bit more poetic.
Please post the finished version... I will definitely come back for a second & third helping here.