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Read June 03, 2017, 01:30:57 AM #0
hardtwistmusic

Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Just finished a rough recording of this after writing the lyric and posting it in the lyrics section.
 
https://www.reverbnation.com/htmworksinprogress.  New Format as per suggestion by Oldbutyet...  V, V, C, V,C,V.

 Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.  

VERSE: 
If I hide inside a church, will it wash away my sin.  
Can God show me a way that I can feel alright again.  
Sprinkle me with holy water.  Cleanse My soul I pray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

VERSE: 
Take me to the ocean blue to wash away my pain.  
Find a storm where I can stand beneath the cleansing rain.  
Point me toward a waterfall.  I’ll stand beneath the spray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

CHORUS: 
Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.
Why can’t we go back and be the way we were before?


VERSE: 
I never felt such guilt before.  I never dreamed I could.  
Cause once my life was like a script straight out of hollywood.  
But then I ruined everything, and guilt’s the price I’ll pay.  
And never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.
Why can’t we go back and be the way we were before?


VERSE: 
Tried to hide inside a church, didn't wash away my sin. 
God did not show me a way to feel alright again. 
They sprinkled me with holy water.  Knelt with me to pray. 
But I just could not feel as clean as I felt yesterday.     

As I felt yesterday.  

« Last Edit: June 25, 2017, 02:40:45 AM by hardtwistmusic »

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.
 
Read June 03, 2017, 07:27:52 PM #1
Fhaos

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Song sounds great! A great melody line that stays in the same direction and that backing track definitely complements it further. Lyrics are on point too. Nice  Wink
 
Read June 08, 2017, 06:00:27 PM #2
Wicked Deeds

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Great imagery in the lyrics. I would Love  to hear more traditional acoustic instruments. The current instrumentation is a little bit of an obstacle for me but as a song, this has charm in abundance.

Paul


" I'm the thief who stole the riches in the night."

www.soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds
 
Read June 08, 2017, 06:16:47 PM #3
CaliaMoko

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

I have nothing new to say about the lyric; I still like it a lot. It also seems to flow well with your melody, except in three little bitsy spots in the chorus:

1. Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  I would prefer to hear the word "still" emphasized over "you", rather than other way around.

2. I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more. It feels to me like the "turn" portion of "return" should be emphasized stronger than "could".

3. I just want to go back and be the way we were before. To me it feels like "back" should be emphasized and "to go" should be de-emphasized.

Just ignore me if you don't agree; these are just my far-from-expert opinions.

I do like the lyric a LOT and think it makes a great song!

Vicki
 
Read June 13, 2017, 08:37:46 PM #4
PaulyX

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Sweet tune.  Really like the chord choices in the choruses, particularly under the third lines.  I tend to agree that this song would reveal it's full potential with some more acoustic instruments underneath it... is that an option as you develop it?  I hope you keep polishing this one.


It's all too beautiful.
 
Read June 14, 2017, 02:05:29 AM #5
hardtwistmusic

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Sorry to all for being so late to express appreciation for your comments.  Been on borrowed internet for the last week.  Just got renewed with unlimited bandwidth, so I'm back on my own system. 

I have re-done the instrumentation choices to be more acoustic and less "jangly."  Two of  you expressed that would be better, and you are right.  I'll post the second version to the site and let you know when it's there. 

Thanks to all.  The feedback is definitely appreciated.


www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.
 
Read June 14, 2017, 05:09:44 AM #6
Stylus

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.


        Hi Verlon
                      Good to see  you are still  composing  &  keeping  momentum  on songwriting. Smiley I  heard   'Yesterday when you still  loved me'.   &   this is  what  I think....

    I think  that  this song has  potential  to be  a very credible  song   by way of   having  both  melody &
sentiment.   I can not pinpoint  at this moment  exactly  where & how  but feel   some  pause between some lines  &  a  little restructuring  would  greatly  enhance  the  song.  Instrumentation  wise..perhaps change  the  sound  occasionally  to add dynamics &  appeal.  I will  have  another  listen  &  try &  be more precise  in the suttle changes  aforementioned.  Potential  to be  positively very appealing!   look forward  to  your updated version  Smiley

                                                        R'gardz   Stylus   Smiley   
 
Read June 14, 2017, 07:18:07 AM #7
Neil C

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Verlon,

Liked it. The words had some good lines and imagery.

I liked the slightly quirky backing and the especially the first melody and chords of the first two lines of the verse.
 
 Smiley
neil


songwriter of no repute..
 
Read June 14, 2017, 09:10:53 AM #8
hardtwistmusic

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.


        Hi Verlon
                      Good to see  you are still  composing  &  keeping  momentum  on songwriting. Smiley I  heard   'Yesterday when you still  loved me'.   &   this is  what  I think....

    I think  that  this song has  potential  to be  a very credible  song   by way of   having  both  melody &
sentiment.   I can not pinpoint  at this moment  exactly  where & how  but feel   some  pause between some lines  &  a  little restructuring  would  greatly  enhance  the  song.  Instrumentation  wise..perhaps change  the  sound  occasionally  to add dynamics &  appeal.  I will  have  another  listen  &  try &  be more precise  in the suttle changes  aforementioned.  Potential  to be  positively very appealing!   look forward  to  your updated version  Smiley

                                                        R'gardz   Stylus   Smiley   

Hey... Good to hear from you again.  I just recently went through the membership list to get a sense of who I missed hearing from.  And then two days later, you're back.  GOOD. 

I'm glad you mentioned the spacing.  I kinda knew that in the back of my head, but it wouldn't come to the front of my conscious mind where I could grasp it.  I'm sure you're right.  Particularly where the chorus just starts up without any lead-in after the verses.  I'll work on it.

Thanks again, and  great to hear from you again. 


www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.
 
Read June 14, 2017, 09:14:43 AM #9
hardtwistmusic

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Verlon,

Liked it. The words had some good lines and imagery.

I liked the slightly quirky backing and the especially the first melody and chords of the first two lines of the verse.
 
 Smiley
neil

For me, "quirky" is usually an accident.  Sometimes, it's a fortuitous accident, and other times not so much.  I "un-quirked" it a little bit due to a suggestion from two people, and I like it better.  I'll try to get it posted alongside the first version for a comparison.  Probably post it in "finished songs" since it's as finished as I'm capable of getting. 


www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.
 
Read June 14, 2017, 06:46:21 PM #10
Stylus

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

 
   Good to see you again to  Verlon  Smiley  I definately look forward  to  update  on this song.  I think absent people  may look in once in a while  I didnt recognise   many on here  &  some  even changed there  user name... Smiley      Heres to creativity, &   a bit of  fun... Smiley
 
Read June 17, 2017, 10:47:08 PM #11
Oldbutyet

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Just finished a rough recording of this after writing the lyric and posting it in the lyrics section.
 
https://www.reverbnation.com/htmworksinprogress

 Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.  

If I hide inside a church, will it wash away my sin.  
Can God show me a way that I can feel alright again.  
Sprinkle me with holy water.  Cleanse My soul I pray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.  
I just want to go back and be the way we were before.  


Take me to the ocean blue to wash away my pain.  
Find a storm where I can stand beneath the cleansing rain.  
Point me toward a waterfall.  I’ll stand beneath the spray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.
Why can’t we go back and be the way we were before?


I never felt such guilt before.  I never dreamed I could.  
Cause once my life was like a script straight out of hollywood.  
But then I ruined everything, and guilt’s the price I’ll pay.  
And never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

As I felt yesterday.  



Okay Verlon im going with imagery here so will reply verse at a time.

Before the first verse comes, in imagery im sitting in the back seat of some preacher house listening to the same old same old, then i hear your first verse of song, woke me up has me interested  Cool  make me thinks listeners around are singing are singing.

Theres no point in talking lyrics here you thought them out well, before second verse you need a gap my friend.

Will post more on this   Cool
 
Read June 18, 2017, 09:28:09 AM #12
Oldbutyet

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

Just finished a rough recording of this after writing the lyric and posting it in the lyrics section.
 
https://www.reverbnation.com/htmworksinprogress

 Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.  

If I hide inside a church, will it wash away my sin.  
Can God show me a way that I can feel alright again.  
Sprinkle me with holy water.  Cleanse My soul I pray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.  
I just want to go back and be the way we were before.  


Take me to the ocean blue to wash away my pain.  
Find a storm where I can stand beneath the cleansing rain.  
Point me toward a waterfall.  I’ll stand beneath the spray.  
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before.  
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.
Why can’t we go back and be the way we were before?


I never felt such guilt before.  I never dreamed I could.  
Cause once my life was like a script straight out of hollywood.  
But then I ruined everything, and guilt’s the price I’ll pay.  
And never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday.  

As I felt yesterday.  



Okay Verlon im going with imagery here so will reply verse at a time.

Before the first verse comes, in imagery im sitting in the back seat of some preacher house listening to the same old same old, then i hear your first verse of song, woke me up has me interested  Cool  make me thinks listeners around are singing are singing.

Theres no point in talking lyrics here you thought them out well, before second verse you need a gap my friend.

Will post more on this   Cool

You're coming in to early with the chorus, follow the first verse with the second verse but just before, let us drift with the melody, that way then we're with you in the second verse, holding again with the melody before the chorus, also im thinking your third verse could be follow by your first just to get us back inside the church, then the chorus is all yours, if i wasted my time, I enjoy it, thank you  Cool

 Yesterday When You Still Loved Me. 

If I hide inside a church, will it wash away my sin. 
Can God show me a way that I can feel alright again. 
Sprinkle me with holy water.  Cleanse My soul I pray. 
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday. 

Take me to the ocean blue to wash away my pain. 
Find a storm where I can stand beneath the cleansing rain. 
Point me toward a waterfall.  I’ll stand beneath the spray. 
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday. 

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before. 
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door.
Why can’t we go back and be the way we were before?

I never felt such guilt before.  I never dreamed I could. 
Cause once my life was like a script straight out of hollywood. 
But then I ruined everything, and guilt’s the price I’ll pay. 
And never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday. 

If I hide inside a church, will it wash away my sin. 
Can God show me a way that I can feel alright again. 
Sprinkle me with holy water.  Cleanse My soul I pray. 
But never again will I feel as clean as I felt yesterday. 

Yesterday when you still loved me, not so long before. 
I wish somehow I could return to yesterday once more.
Looking for my will to live since you walked out that door. 
I just want to go back and be the way we were before. 

As I felt yesterday. 
 
Read June 18, 2017, 06:00:26 PM #13
hardtwistmusic

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

I really like that.  It makes the song a little longer, but it's currently only around two minutes, fifty seconds.  There is room to expand.  

I can repeat the lead-in between the two verses.  By the time I'm done doing all that, it's probably a four minute and twenty second song. . . a little long, but I think (doing it your way) will hold the interest.  

BTW. . . I added just one measure between the verses and choruses.  Added two, and didn't like it, and reduced down to the one.  

Also, I might make minor changes to the second "Inside a church" verse, just to differentiate it a little.

Tried to hide inside a church, didn't wash away my sin. 
God did not show me a way to feel alright again. 
They sprinkled me with holy water.  Knelt with me to pray. 
But I just could not feel as clean as I felt yesterday.    

You've given me a lot to think about, and I'm looking forward to hearing what you think when I re-do this.  
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 06:06:20 PM by hardtwistmusic »

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.
 
Read June 18, 2017, 09:03:44 PM #14
Oldbutyet

Re: Yesterday When You Still Loved Me.

I really like that.  It makes the song a little longer, but it's currently only around two minutes, fifty seconds.  There is room to expand.  

I can repeat the lead-in between the two verses.  By the time I'm done doing all that, it's probably a four minute and twenty second song. . . a little long, but I think (doing it your way) will hold the interest.  

BTW. . . I added just one measure between the verses and choruses.  Added two, and didn't like it, and reduced down to the one.  

Also, I might make minor changes to the second "Inside a church" verse, just to differentiate it a little.

Tried to hide inside a church, didn't wash away my sin. 
God did not show me a way to feel alright again. 
They sprinkled me with holy water.  Knelt with me to pray. 
But I just could not feel as clean as I felt yesterday.    

You've given me a lot to think about, and I'm looking forward to hearing what you think when I re-do this.  

Hey Verlon, don't worry about length its what we see in your lyrics thats far more important than the length of a piece of string, expand   Cool
 
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