Sheltered by the Dark, reprise

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CaliaMoko

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« on: May 30, 2017, 03:36:48 AM »
I posted this song in WIP in December 2015 and got some good suggestions. The original post is here, in case you want to see it (the original version of the song is no longer at that soundcloud link, though--I replaced it with the updated version): http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=10486.0.

I want to use this song for my Late Bloomers Rock project, so I'm submitting it for a final go-round before having it produced, mixed and mastered.

My questions, if you have time to consider them:

1. Is it "classy" enough to polish and include in my project?
2. Assuming it is sufficiently "classy", does it need any melodic or lyric changes?
3. Would background vocals improve it? If yes, what kind and where? For instance, some ooo's and aaah's in just a few places? Or maybe some harmony lines with lyrics all the way through? Or just on verses? Or instrumental harmonies only?
4. Anything else you notice that might need work?

I already know what I think, but sometimes I miss things I should have noticed, so your remarks could be very helpful.

The song: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/sheltered-by-the-dark-revised/s-gz2zA

The lyrics:

SHELTERED BY THE DARK

V1
When things get bad, too rough to bear,
And I am sure that nobody cares,
I go running through the dark.

V2
The night is clear; the moon is bright.
I feel no fear; I trust the night.
I am running through the dark.

CHORUS
My tendency is to hide from the world,
The dark is my oyster and I am the pearl.
It’s okay to run and hide,
But I have to come back inside,         
Eventually

V2 (again)
The night is clear; the moon is bright.
I feel no fear; I trust the night.
I am running through the dark.

BRIDGE
Breezes blowing through the grass;
The gentle sound is calming me
And peace surrounds me like a blanket
Soothing me so tenderly, oh yeah---

V3
I love the dark; I'm not afraid.
The earth is warm; my sorrows fade.
I am sheltered by the dark.

CHORUS

V3 again with outro
Oh-oo, oh-oo, I love the dark; I'm not afraid.
The earth is warm; my sorrows fade.
I am sheltered by the dark.
I am sheltered by the dark.
I am sheltered by the dark.


Copyright © 2016 Vicki Morrison

Eline97

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« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2017, 03:07:39 PM »
I love this song! I think it's the best song you've posted (as far as I've heard your songs;) ). I love the melody and the lyrics and melody really fit together. However, you say you want to use it for a rock project. Now I don't know how strict the 'rock' criterium is, but even though I love this song, I don't really think it's rock. This song has more of an Americana feeling IMO. But it definitely is 'classy' enough (and good enough!) to include in your project! Good luck :)

Eline97

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« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2017, 03:19:21 PM »
By the way, I totally forgot: I think the song could be awesome with some background vocals, but not too much. However, it's not necessary - the song already sounds complete to me!

Martinswede

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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2017, 09:44:37 PM »
Hi Vicki!

Your song really moved me!
It's 10.21 pm. and I've had a busy day. Not ready for this kind of emotional experience I opened the link.
I have some suggestions but first I have to say that this is what music is all about to me. Straight forward not because it's simple but because it is so elaborated. Thank you for this listening experience.

The blend of accented rhythm and flowing melody of the verse works good. (The rhythmic part is very similar to the Clash song The Card Cheat ). The first time I heard your melody on the word 'running' I wasn't sure about it. Now it sound fine.

I like minimalism but maybe the bridge could have some extra vocals. Just as a small contrast.

If I could sing your song it would be easier to imagine harmonies but I got this issue with my voice right now so it's a no can do.

Give this song all you got. I think it's great as it is but I believe you can make it even better!

Martin

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2017, 10:08:54 PM »
@Eline:
Thanks mucho muchly, Eline! Yes, background vocals is on my list. I hope to be able to figure out something. Although my project is called "Late Bloomers Rock", it isn't a rock music project. It's more inclusive than that. You know how people sometimes say, "You rock!" I'm trying to say you can still rock if you're a late bloomer. Like me. At anything, not just music.

@Martin:
Thanks so much, Martin! I would have loved to hear what you came up with. I am going to try to come up with some harmonies for the bridge.

Darren1664

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« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2017, 07:57:17 PM »
Hey Vicki

I have to say I find your voice very soothing. You have a really lovely vibrato to it that is so nice to listen to...and this leads to my only suggestion for this song and that is to sing the end lines of the verses more (if that makes sense?). You cut the final words short and I wander if it might sound a little better if they were sung out?

That said...this is a beautiful track and it's very easy to listen to and get lost in. Lyrically I think it's fab! The lyrics really suit the style of the track. Acoustic, your vocal and some harmonies and I could listen to this on repeat!

1. Is it "classy" enough to polish and include in my project? Yes, I'd say so.

2. Assuming it is sufficiently "classy", does it need any melodic or lyric changes? As suggested possibly sing the end note of the verse out.

3. Would background vocals improve it? If yes, what kind and where? For instance, some ooo's and aaah's in just a few places? Or maybe some harmony lines with lyrics all the way through? Or just on verses? Or instrumental harmonies only? I'd say harmonies yes but I'm not the best to suggest what or where. I've never worked with harmonies but in my minds ear I hear some harmonies. Could really compliment this.

4. Anything else you notice that might need work? I really don't know what would work best here but you could experiment with some small percussion? Tambourine? but nothing much as I wouldn't want it over crowded.

Hope this helps

Darren

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2017, 12:53:21 AM »
Thanks, Darren, for taking the time to write such a thorough response to my questions. :)

I do hope to include harmonies in the final version. Regarding cutting off the final words of the verses; I know I did that and it seemed suitable at the time. I haven't thought about it since, so I'll try holding them out some and see how it feels to me. It's always good to consider different perspectives and approaches.

Thanks again!
Vicki