[Martinswede]

Hello!

This is my summer song competition song.
Since I'm out of work I decided to make this one kind of an art project.
BUT I changed my mind and thought I'd just be done with it. It is very possible
that I'll write a song before July that is better, but then again so might not be
the case.

I aimed for a sound like it's recorded on the beach, but without cheesy waves sounds,
more a naked recording of just guitars and vocals. And maybe I'm just too lazy to add more
tracks. I've added noise and dirt to make it sound more like it was recorded on a phone.

The story is fictional but the title isn't. I'm not gonna give pointers to what it's about but
love, anarchy and summer are in some way present.

https://soundcloud.com/martin-jarnevi/louise

Louise

The girls are topless and tanned
My feet are covered in sand
Time to catch a breath

Leaving town for a while
Just to make you smile
But this summer will end

The beach will never be our second home,
our second home
Because it's just full of ghosts, full of ghosts

Your pale and freckled skin
Could never stand the sun
So you borrowed one of my shirts

The trail takes us home
Before the thunder storm
I'll love you sheltered from the rain

We ain't kids anymore
Though we enjoy this time of year
There's no need for me to keep you warm
Still I stay close all night

Summer passing me by
Summer unnoticed some times
Not even the morning can compete with you
Not even the morning can compete with you
Louise

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Martin, the summers sound fabulous in Sweden. I have only been there in December and it was dark all the time and I was encouraged to drink a glass of glug between each course of a eleven course mainly herring based meal so I would love to visit in the summer, Skol  Good melody I thought and get your idea about scratchiness. Maybe the vocals need a bit of attention. Good song 

[Paulski]

Hi Martin

I like this song!
Like John says nice melody and it's short 
Breaks a few rules (like not getting to the hook/title until the last word) but seems to work anyway.
The vocals are a bit pitchy in places-  you might want to fix that.

Good song though!
Paul

[Martinswede]

Hi!

Yes the vocals are not where they should be at times. I realized that
I never made a solo listening of them yesterday. A new version with
a re take will be posted this morning.

Yes pompeyjazz, December ain't that fun. The herring is good but there
are things that don't resemble food served that time of year like
'lutfisk' - yes, cod in lye and 'dopp i grytan' - stale bread soaked in
stock and served with mustard.

I forgot to mention in my original post that I of course used my crappy
beach guitar tuned only by ear to make this recording. 

Martin

[Martinswede]

Hi!

Ok. Now the link is updated and redirected to the new vocal take.

Martin

[Darren1664]

Hi Martin

I like this song and I found the more I listened the more it grew on me. That's a lovely quality to have in a song. I, personally, would have liked it a little longer (coming from me who has a habit of writing short song ) and was thinking that the verse about second home and full of ghosts would be excellent as a sort of chorus... and maybe might work being repeated at the end.

However you know where you are coming from with this so please ignore me as the songs work as it is.

I really liked it stripped back as it is...very much makes it a campfire song

Good write!

[Martinswede]

Thank you Darren!

I'm not that skilled when it comes to writing a smashing chorus.
I've rarely made a melody that I think has that drive. Melodies
are tricky for me. Making them memorable. I got one song 'I'm Here'
that has a catchy pop chorus that I like. Maybe it will be my next
recording project.

Martin

[PaulyX]

Hi Martin,
Swedish Summer: I was there last year the day after the midsummer parties you guys have.  Seemed like the entire country was hungover.
So your song - it's my first time to hear your voice .  I like it, you have a kind of gentle Neil Young quality to my ears in this one.
What I like the most about this song is the lyrics - especially the way you use little details that seem quite incidental and unimportant, but really paint a realistic picture and help you imagine the scene so they end up being really powerful, like the line about lending Louise one of your shirts.  Lloyd Cole does that a lot in his songs and I'm a big fan of him too.  I also like the way it's not too obviously a love song until you get to the last 2 lines.  It's very subtle & mellow.  Nice one!
Pauly

[Martinswede]

Thank you Pauly!

Neil Young, yes I've spent some time listening to his records.
Sometimes I just hear that Wilco singer Jeff Tweedy when
I sing and I've spent a long time detoxing my voice from
being strongly influenced by Elliott Smith.

Martin

[Yodasdad]

Hi Martin,

Melodically this is very pleasing, very relaxing too.

I too think this would be strengthened by having a bigger chorus but I hear what you're saying about having difficulty creating them. It seemed to have a really nice build of a pre chorus but didn't get to that 3rd gear.

Enjoyable all the same though, there's nothing wrong with what's there.

Maybe a simple intro would be nice, perhaps just 8 bars round the chord sequence or something to set the mood?

Yodasdad

[adamfarr]

I like it a lot - it really takes us to a particular place and situation and sketches a scene for our imaginations to fill in...

The lyrics are really thoughtful and evocative; very original and personal.

The "second home" section I thought was going to be the chorus - it has a different structure from the others and has a few things to make us think. I wonder if adding a short and lazy guitar interlude at the end and then using that section as a finale could work? Having said that, it could leave us on a negative note and the note that you leave us on is more positive.

Very nice storytelling here.

[Martinswede]

Thank you Yodasdad and Adam!

My intention was to give the feeling of leaving all the
have too:s behind and just enjoy the summer.
I must agree a bit of instrumental could have added some variation
but I felt I had to use the little energy that was in there and just
played the guitar differently.

Martin

[Skub]

Hey Martin.

I thought I had already commented on this...must be losing my marbles!

I too get the slight Neil Young comparisons,I'm a fan,so that's ok with me. 

It's a delicate little flower this song,fragile and vulnerable,but also charming.

[Movin Flavour]

Hey Martin

Great song capturing your raw emotions.

Beautiful guitar playing and excellent lyrics.

Thought provoking


Sandeep

[PaulAds]

i love the sweet simplicity of this...very nicely understated and heartfelt.

Excellent stuff, Martin...a proper campfire treat