[Gill]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

[Jackdaw]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

No I do not.

Jackdaw1888

[Gill]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

No I do not.

Jackdaw1888

Yes you do!

[SFX]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

No I do not.

Jackdaw1888

Yes you do!

Let's just ignore him for now, he's a troll with no self-awareness, i would rather we all focus on why we are here

[Jackdaw]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

No I do not.

Jackdaw1888

Yes you do!

Let's just ignore him for now, he's a troll with no self-awareness, i would rather we all focus on why we are here

Hmmm?
Me kinda thinks that the Moderator of this Forum should remove the above mentioned 'accusation' and its sad comment soonest!!!

Regards
Jackdaw1888 :-)

[Morefrog Jones]

i like these lyrics - probably way too many for a song but i have some music i could put some of these too.

[Jackdaw]

'bit savage there jackdaw   I personally liked them (very poetic) and a lot better than I could do eh

Really???
Then this pathetic poet come laughable lyricist must be in the wrong place or obviously joined the wrong Forum???

Jackdaw1888

Remember we are all here to learn and take notes of other people opinions and critique. And although you can say whatever you feel about it, saying "pathetic poet" or telling him to do something else  without even offering constructive criticism is taking the pizz a 'bit.

Erm!!!
Excuse me.
But THIS pathetic poet etc etc was meant in reference to myself.
Not in any way towards the author or creator of the lyrics of the Song he or she has put upon this Forum?

Jackdaw1888

Woops then I read that wrong sorry, but still dont you think he should stick with it and see more lyrics 

No I do not.

Jackdaw1888

Yes you do!

Let's just ignore him for now, he's a troll with no self-awareness, i would rather we all focus on why we are here

Okay.
I now fully understand the Rules of this Forum.

So as it appears to be okay to label a fellow member a TROLL and use your your allies in attempts to ridicule him/her etc etc...

May I offer this...

Your Degreeze mean nowt to Meeze.
And by the by...
Your Lyrics are laughable, lacking, lost, lamented, and leave a alot to be desired!!!

Jackdaw1888

[Boydie]

I can't even work out how this little spat started - but could you please just draw a line under it and stop the bickering/one upmanship

Pleas ensure all responses / critiques are CONSTRUCTIVE

I am not interested in finding who was at fault etc. Please just play nicely from this point on

[hardtwistmusic]

Okay.... now that the drama has died down, ABOUT YOUR LYRIC. 

I liked what you wrote.  It actually is too complex for a song, but that doesn't mean a song could not come from it. 

A lot of your lines are begging for music.  Not all of them, but a lot of them.  If I were to take it upon myself to add music and had carte blanche to do so, I'd be doing a lot of "addition by subtraction" to get to a lyric that the average person could identify with. 

Of course, if your audience is "exceptional educated people only" then it's just fine the way it is. . . but that's a pretty small audience. 

I am NOT volunteering to add music to this.  But I am absolutely convinced that there IS  a song in this poem.  A very good song.  It's just a matter of digging it out.

[johnlondon]

Hi,

Excellent poetry as usual, not least the last quatrain. But too wordy as usual, that's presumably the style you want, but the reader/listener will get lost in the density.

That's a good offer from Morefrog, I'd like to hear your lyrics to music.

john

[SFX]

Okay.... now that the drama has died down, ABOUT YOUR LYRIC. 

I liked what you wrote.  It actually is too complex for a song, but that doesn't mean a song could not come from it. 

A lot of your lines are begging for music.  Not all of them, but a lot of them.  If I were to take it upon myself to add music and had carte blanche to do so, I'd be doing a lot of "addition by subtraction" to get to a lyric that the average person could identify with. 

Of course, if your audience is "exceptional educated people only" then it's just fine the way it is. . . but that's a pretty small audience. 

I am NOT volunteering to add music to this.  But I am absolutely convinced that there IS  a song in this poem.  A very good song.  It's just a matter of digging it out.

i agree with what you are saying, but my problem is i dont see why i should have to dumb myself down because someone might not understand, if you get what i mean? not in a bad way, i just feel that artists should be able to write about what they want and if someone wants to get it but doesn't they can educate themselves? i agree it is a bit too complex though and could have a lot subtracted.. do you have any suggestions?