[finestrat]

This is an attempt at a Chuck Berry style R&B three chord rock song.  Chuck was a legend and always seemed to manage to include a bit of humour in his lyrics.
I submitted it yesterday but wasn't happy with it so this is a revised version, changed the title as well.


The Band

Verse 1

Got talking to a girl from the estate
After a beer or two I asked her for a date
She smiled sweetly she didn't put me down
Told me about a place the other side of town
She said the joint was new the band were kinda weird
The lead guitarist had a Billy Gibbons beard

Verse 2

I said I'd meet her there at eight on Friday night
Feeling  nervous as the bar came into sight
Walked in and guys were jumping up and down
I tried to find her but my head was spinning round

Verse 3

The place was hot as hell and everyone was shrieking
I found her at the bar but couldn't hear her speaking
The band were rocking working up the crowd
Fender screaming singer getting loud
The floor groaned  guitar moaned,
I'd taken nothing but was feeling pretty stoned

Verse 4

Just danced couldn't hear each other speak
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek
Heart was thumping I was floating on air
Knew it was getting late but we didn't care

Verse 5

The band were drinking hard looking very cool
Said they were gonna stop if they ran out of fuel
Around midnight we made it to the door
Feet sticking to the beer spilt on the floor
Ears whistling and in a state of shock
The band continued with their unrelenting rock



Copyright Finestrat April 1st 2017

[JonDavies]

I basically read this to the tune of Johnny B. Goode - gotta love the good old 12 bar blues, assuming that's what you're going for

Some of the lines are a bit uneven, comparing the fourth line from verses 1 and 3

"Told me about a place the other side of town"
"Fender screaming singer getting loud"

Obviously if it fits the music then it's fine, but if you haven't set it properly down this could be an issue

I feel like it needs some sort of refrain or chorus to provide a hook - something really simple and catchy, maybe one line just repeated four times

Good story

[finestrat]

Hi Jon

Thanks for your comments.
Yes, thought exactly the same myself on the need for a chorus. Maybe changing verse 4 into the chorus and repeating it a few times would work.
I've sung it to a a couple of Chuck's songs and got it to fit quite nicely.  I might have a go at recording it on my trusty little 8 track tascam, I'll post it on the forum if I do.

[Wicked Deeds]

Hey finestrat,

I tried to imagine the rhythm of your lyric.  As Jon mentioned, , Johnny B Good is a reasonable place to start.  I still struggle to hear the words sitting neatly to musical accompaniment without adjustment here and there.  I guess the greatest achievement is when the story's telling iis good within the framework of a strong rhythm that's will fit a musical accompaniment with ease.  I will look out for your demo/production with interest.

Paul

[finestrat]

Ok I've recorded a rough demo of the song now https://soundcloud.com/peter-brassey/thebandwav
excuse the voice and guitar!!
I've had to merge some of the verses to make it all fit, this is the new layout.

The Band

Verse 1

Got talking to a girl from the estate
After a beer or two I asked her for a date
She smiled sweetly she didn't put me down
Told me about a place the other side of town
She said the joint was new the band were kinda weird
The lead guitarist had a Billy Gibbons beard

Verse 2

I said I'd meet her there at eight on Friday night
Feeling  nervous as the bar came into sight
Walked in and guys were jumping up and down
I tried to find her but my head was spinning round
The place was hot as hell and everyone was shrieking
I found her at the bar but couldn't hear her speaking

Verse 3
The band were rocking working up the crowd
Fender screaming singer getting loud
The floor groaned  guitar moaned,
I'd taken nothing but was feeling pretty stoned
Just danced couldn't hear each other speak
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek

Verse 4
Heart was thumping I was floating on air
Knew it was getting late but we didn't care
The band were drinking hard looking very cool
Said they were gonna stop if they ran out of fuel
Around midnight we made it to the door
Feet sticking to the beer spilt on the floor

Chorus
Just danced couldn't hear each other speak
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek
Heart was thumping I was floating on air
Knew it was getting late but we didn't care
Just danced couldn't hear each other speak
She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek

Copyright Finestrat April 1st 2017

[Darren1664]

You have a great handle on rock n roll blues and this song had a great swing to it and the lyrics fitted in nicely. The guitar is lovely and the song well produced.

I did feel the second guitar towards the end could have used a slightly nastier tone...a bit more crunch but that is just personal preference.

Good stuff!! Darren

[finestrat]

Thanks Darren

[lillypilly]

This is good I agree with Darren, I also felt the extra guitar could have had a bit rougher edge and slightly louder

also when listening to it a few times it is quite wordy, if you dropped the I at beginning of some lines the beat would be easier  for instance
 
 "Said I'd meet her at eight on Friday night" instead of " I said I'd meet her there at eight on Friday night"  if you get my drift

etc


cheers

Lilly

[finestrat]

Thanks Lilly
I understand what you're saying, there are a lot of rough edges that could be polished off but I'm not sure how far I want to take this.  I think hearing it performed by a real live band would be the ultimate. Any rock bands out there looking for a song? I guess we're all looking for a bit of famej