[Darren1664]

Hey

Some of my lyrics. I have recorded the song but can't say I am too happy with the recording but it gives you an idea of the track

https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/breathing-and-surviving

Thoughts and comments welcome

Thank you

Breathing and Surviving

We don’t know that we are rich
because in our minds exists a glitch
We think money makes us happy
and we’re taught to scratch that itch

It is not those at the top
that make us question what we’ve got
It is the way that we revere them
like they’re special and we’re not

We call it living but it’s just breathing and surviving
It is stalling, it is falling and it is waiting for an ending
It is so easy to think money is the key thing
But there’s a reason
that we’re feeling
that our lives
are lacking meaning

Within us
true freedom lies
When we realise
that we have everything we need.

For those that have it all
remember pride before the fall
You could lose it all today
a lot quicker than it’s made

If we gave it all away
would we be headed for the grave?
Or could it be thing that saves us
from this world that we’ve created

We call it living but it’s just breathing and surviving
It is stalling, it is falling and it is waiting for an ending
It is so easy to think money is the key thing
But there’s a reason
that we’re feeling
that our lives
are lacking meaning

Within us
true freedom lies
When we realise
that we have everything we need

[Darren1664]

BTW - so I'm clear does my posting the soundcloud link violate the 1 song per 2 week rule? Sorry if it does. I'm new around here! and feel free to take it down

[CaliaMoko]

This is the kind of lyric I like a lot. I listened a little to your recording, but--as you intimated--it doesn't do the lyric justice at the moment, so I didn't listen to the end.

I almost like your lyric just as it is. I would change the second line: "because in our minds exists a glitch". It feels weak to me, like you settled for it because you couldn't think of anything better. You could say something about being bewitched. Or always hearing a pitch.

But, like I said, I like the lyric and I hope you'll have good luck getting a good recording made to share with us!

Vicki

PS: I don't think your posting the link violates the rules. Since you posted in lyrics, you are not expecting any feedback on your song as a "work in progress" or a "finished song", so you should be good.

[Darren1664]

This is the kind of lyric I like a lot. I listened a little to your recording, but--as you intimated--it doesn't do the lyric justice at the moment, so I didn't listen to the end.

I almost like your lyric just as it is. I would change the second line: "because in our minds exists a glitch". It feels weak to me, like you settled for it because you couldn't think of anything better. You could say something about being bewitched. Or always hearing a pitch.

But, like I said, I like the lyric and I hope you'll have good luck getting a good recording made to share with us!

Vicki

PS: I don't think your posting the link violates the rules. Since you posted in lyrics, you are not expecting any feedback on your song as a "work in progress" or a "finished song", so you should be good.

Hi Vicky

Thank you very much for your comments. You absolutely hit nail on head about settling...I had changed the line but can't remember what I previously had. I'll work with your suggestions and see what a can come up with...so thank you

Also I'm glad I'm not violating rules....dun wanna be a trouble maker!

Thanks again

Darren

[Oldbutyet]

I like this but you need to get your vocals out there, stop hiding them, i like your guitar style just get your lyric vocal out where they belong, apart from that i really like this  

[Darren1664]

I like this but you need to get your vocals out there, stop hiding them, i like your guitar style just get your lyric vocal out where they belong, apart from that i really like this  

Thanks for the kind words Oldbutyet! and yes I think I have a lack of confidence in my wobbly voice so tend to hide it amongst the rest of the track I do plan on working on my recordings and my singing....eventually! Thanks for the feedback, Darren

[finestrat]

I like your lyrics, the love of money being the root of all evil, very well put together.  As one or two other posters have mentioned, on the audio track the vocals are being drowned out but I see you've already acknowledged that. 

[JonDavies]

Really nice, concise lyrics

"But there’s a reason
that we’re feeling
that our lives
are lacking meaning"

Love the flow of this part, again really concise

Good write

[Darren1664]

Really nice, concise lyrics

"But there’s a reason
that we’re feeling
that our lives
are lacking meaning"

Love the flow of this part, again really concise

Good write

Thanks mate!!