I like the idea of it and the recurring themes in it, very well-done and poetic in that sense so well done!
My only criticism is that I find the repeated 'time, time ticks away slowly' goes on too long without much pause and the vocals seem too thickly tracked. For the firstset at least I think the single voice would do fine with the second set (at the end) being double tracked. It is a shame to say that the less polite part of me would label that part of the song as 'unpleasant'. I think it just needs a bit of restructuring and needs a few changes to the recording and it will be an incredibly beautiful track