[Jamie]

Hi, did you have someone in mind when you wrote it .love the vocal delivery and the lyrics work well.The song moved along nicely carrying the simple arrangement.
Good job!
Jamie

[IronKnee]

I would definitely call this an unstable theme and they do add an unstable element.

Hi Vicki....thanks for stopping by. What do you mean by unstable, in the context of your statement?

Anyways...always love your observations and crits....Thank you

Stable=world peace, everybody's happy, everything is hunky-dorry
Unstable=war, everybody's breaking up, nothing is okay

This song is about someone causing one problem after another and all kinds of trouble. A song with that type of theme would be considered (this is a Pat Pattison thing--although he probably didn't invent it) unstable.

Unstable elements are uneven line lengths, uneven numbers of lines in a verse, less than perfect rhymes (in my mind, the most extreme unstable rhymes are what I think are called "consonant" rhymes--like "can't" and "don't"--because they have the same consonant sound at the end. Or even "wind" and "want", because they start with the same consonant sound and have almost the same consonant sound at the end. But in both of those cases, the vowel sounds don't rhyme, so they are very imperfect rhymes.

I don't remember if singing weak syllables on strong beats and vice versa is officially an unstable element or not, or if it should just be avoided no matter what, but I like to think of it as an acceptable unstable element because, in my ears, it definitely creates an unstable-feeling sound.

And that's probably enough from me on that...don't want to bore everybody to death. 

Vicki

Now you got me feelin' uneasy.........
Not-really. Thanks Vickie 

Really lovely music! your guitar playing, singing and lyrics tie together so well. I like how stripped back it is - I find that helps with such thought out lyrics. I wish I could have your voice for a day or two

Nice one mate

Darren

Thanks for the confidence building, Darren....I appreciate it!

And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                               -Tom

[Yodasdad]

I really enjoyed this Tom,

Very dylanesque and very true. Some great imagery with a catchy melody and folk vibe.

There's one line that stood out for me as possibly needing a little tweaking, although I'm no Wordsworth.

'What do you see man, when the mirror gets inside your head'

I think I get what you're saying here but there seems to be some kind of mixing of two ideas I think.

Almost like you haven't finished exploring the idea of what he sees in the mirror before its already got into his head.

I can't figure out what would work but I'm thinking along the lines of...

How do you feel man, when the mirror's not even your friend...I know this doesn't quite work but it's kind of what I mean about it all being the same idea.

Feel free to totally ignore me, I really don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to lyrics anyway.

Still thought it was a good song.

Yodasdad

[IronKnee]

There's one line that stood out for me as possibly needing a little tweaking, although I'm no Wordsworth.

'What do you see man, when the mirror gets inside your head'

I think I get what you're saying here but there seems to be some kind of mixing of two ideas I think.

Almost like you haven't finished exploring the idea of what he sees in the mirror before its already got into his head.

Yodasdad

Hey there Yodasdad...........thanks for listening and commenting.

"What do you see, man, when the mirror gets inside your head?"
Here, the mirror is asked to reflect something that isn't really there, by my subject.
The line, as questioned,  is a challenge to him, by me, to be honest and look upon himself and to see things as they really are, without the sociopathic perspective that allows himself to believe the false reflective mirror of the ego.

Snow White reflects this example of "the mirror getting into ones head" in a most genius way

Thanks again!

And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                                  -Tom

[Cazrolina]

Loved the good grief line.
This song is really fab. Another wonderfully melodious and catchy tune with beautiful guitar playing. I like it

[IronKnee]

Loved the good grief line.
This song is really fab. Another wonderfully melodious and catchy tune with beautiful guitar playing. I like it

Thank you, so much, Cazrolina!! I appreciate it 

And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                               -Tom

[Mikey]

Great song, guitar picking is really well done and the vocal sound is perfect, nice clean mix with good dynamics and nice sixties folky feel

[IronKnee]

Great song, guitar picking is really well done and the vocal sound is perfect, nice clean mix with good dynamics and nice sixties folky feel

Thanks for listening, Mikey......always appreciated. 

And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                                 -Tom

[irwin]

Hi IronKnee, Lovely Beautiful sounding song. My ear had a party. Thanks for sharing yet another wonderful song.

Irwin

[Paulski]

Hi Tom

Good work here.
love the pickin and some of those chord choices.
And of course the vocals are stellar. Maybe add some harmonies now the 1+1 is over?
Not my fav of yours melody-wise but the bar you set is pretty high.
I like that you make comment on the current state of affairs - something a lot of ppl are afraid to tackle in their lyrics - prob because it doesn't sell

Paul

[IronKnee]

Hi IronKnee, Lovely Beautiful sounding song. My ear had a party. Thanks for sharing yet another wonderful song.

Irwin

Thanks Irwin....it's always nice to hear from you!!

Hi Tom

Good work here.
love the pickin and some of those chord choices.
And of course the vocals are stellar. Maybe add some harmonies now the 1+1 is over?
Not my fav of yours melody-wise but the bar you set is pretty high.
I like that you make comment on the current state of affairs - something a lot of ppl are afraid to tackle in their lyrics - prob because it doesn't sell

Paul

Haaa....thanks Paul. Nothing of mine sells    I fear nothing
Thanks again...


And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                             -Tom

[Buc McMaster]

Really like the simplicity of your style and production.......guitar and voice are the essence of music for me and you got it down.  I get a Woody Guthrie kind of feel when listening to this one.  One or two lines seem a bit clunky with regard to meter but not to the point of distraction from the lyric as a whole.

Nicely done, sir!

[Cawproductions]

Hi Tom,

Listened to this and your other stuff, really cool vibe, Vox is smooth and seems effortless, Lyrics are great.

Something really cool about your sound.

Great work
Andy

[scaw]

Pretty good - Its a bit long - sounds like Dylan and Springsteen.

[IronKnee]

Really like the simplicity of your style and production.......guitar and voice are the essence of music for me and you got it down.  I get a Woody Guthrie kind of feel when listening to this one.  One or two lines seem a bit clunky with regard to meter but not to the point of distraction from the lyric as a whole.

Nicely done, sir!

Thanks Buc........don't know about the meter, but I'm sure some rehearsal will fix it 
Thanks, again!

Hi Tom,

Listened to this and your other stuff, really cool vibe, Vox is smooth and seems effortless, Lyrics are great.

Something really cool about your sound.

Great work
Andy

Hey...thanks for the generous compliment..........I need to hear that kind of thing more often!
Thanks, again

Pretty good - Its a bit long - sounds like Dylan and Springsteen.

"Its a bit long" .......do I sence some tone, here......  just kidding!
Thanks soooo much for listening, scaw! I appreciate it   

And thanks to all who have listened!
                                                                        -Tom