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Wall Seeker

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CaliaMoko

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« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2017, 01:04:48 PM »
Thanks, Mike! I'm sure I can do something with that. It's great!

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #16 on: May 31, 2017, 04:25:46 PM »
I'm finally getting caught up (maybe?) with everything I'm working on and I now have what may become the final version of the lyric for this one. I've updated the original post, which now includes the latest version of the lyric, plus it still has the older versions below the update.

If you have time for another look, do you have any recommendations for final tweaks? I have also posted the most recent version in this post, below. I know the second chorus has the word "wall" several times, but I haven't been able to come up with anything better, so far.

Thanks,
Vicki

https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/wall-seeker-demo/s-iGons

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WALL SEEKER

VERSE 1
Darkness pervades my reality.
Mischief is everywhere I see.
Blindness mistaken for vanishing light.
Winds of despair blowing clouds in my eyes.

VERSE 2
Searching for wisdom, I stumble and fall.
I flee from the watchmen, run into a wall.
There's nowhere to go; I have run out of time.
A burst of frustration persuades me to climb.

CHORUS 1
Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I will be.
The wall conceals something that's precious to me.
I need to take action; I know what to do.
Climbing the wall is my only way through.

VERSE 3
I'm over the wall now and to my surprise
I find what I'm seeking, laid bare before my eyes
My vision is sharp and my purpose is clear
Knowledge has helped me to sublimate my fear.

CHORUS 2
Wall seeker, wall seeker, that's what I've become.
I've more walls to climb; there is never just one.
Guided by watchmen; each wall that I find
Inspires me to leave my old blindness behind


Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison
« Last Edit: May 31, 2017, 05:10:48 PM by CaliaMoko »

Darren1664

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« Reply #17 on: May 31, 2017, 05:23:13 PM »
Wow..I had to check I was listening to the right track! You've really ramped it up from the original recording. The lyrics, to me, are spot on! I will read over them again (just popping the kettle on ;)) but I won't find fault. They are superbly written and (and I'm struggling to think of the word that means that they stick to the story? Tell the same message from start to finish...like cohesive??...damn my brain...but whatever the word is they are that).

I really do think this is a great write. I really like what you have done musically but a part of me would love to hear this again stripped back with just you and your acoustic as you originally recorded it. I found the simple backdrop of just the guitar really made your voice stand out and you have a lovely voice. However, that's just me and what you have done is really good. Thanks for updating us Vicki.

All the best

Darren

Oh BTW - I like that the word Wall is used a lot in the final chorus. It's a main feature of the story and I think the reiteration is good.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2017, 05:28:35 PM by Darren1664 »

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #18 on: May 31, 2017, 05:31:41 PM »
Thanks, Darren! You say such nice things! And I want to make sure the record is accurate. The instrumental backing is all PaulAds, not me. He very kindly helped me clarify my melody by designing and recording a backing track for me. So a big thank you to PaulAds! :)

Darren1664

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« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2017, 05:37:50 PM »
Thanks, Darren! You say such nice things! And I want to make sure the record is accurate. The instrumental backing is all PaulAds, not me. He very kindly helped me clarify my melody by designing and recording a backing track for me. So a big thank you to PaulAds! :)

Hehe that's alright. I have re read them again and still no faults found :P (One tiny, minuscule note was that the word sublimate was a bit tongue twistery for me but you sing in well in the track).

And kudos to Paul for putting that together...he is very kind to do so and like I said I do really like the music.

Darren

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2017, 11:15:46 PM »
I admit I was a bit hesitant to use "sublimate", but it means exactly what I want to say there AND in exactly the right number of syllables.  ;D

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #21 on: June 03, 2017, 11:28:11 PM »
« Last Edit: June 03, 2017, 11:49:18 PM by CaliaMoko »

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #22 on: June 07, 2017, 11:47:44 AM »
I’ve listened to this several times, trying to appraise your song fairly.  I’m struggling to connect with  both the lyrics and music.  For that to happen, I’ve got to to relate to the subject matter and to recognise thoughts and feelings that may be applicable to my own circumstances.  I think, that’s the main goal of a songwriter - to connect with others so that they can recognise events that may be true of their own circumstances in the past or the present and also to evoke emotion.  I’m not able to relate to the title “Wall Seeker.” This may be inspired by a work of literature but I still need to feel a connection. At the moment, you have a fairly bleak set of lyrics set to a jovial melody that doesn’t evoke emotion for me and therefore I’m struggling to connect.  

I think this would suit multiple voices, it has a hymn like quality.  If I was producing this, I would leave plenty of space, long bass  notes and loose drums, making the choir/communal voices the focal point.

Paul
« Last Edit: June 07, 2017, 12:11:13 PM by Wicked Deeds »

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #23 on: June 07, 2017, 03:52:34 PM »
Thanks, Paul, for your insight. I really like the choral idea you mentioned and is something I may work on in the future for this.

I have updated the demo (although that won't help it connect with listeners emotionally) and have moved the song to "Finished Songs" (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13295.0).

The literature this song accompanies will be used for educational sessions and the song will be useful in that context. Someone with more skill than I (or maybe even me with enough thought and struggle) could probably write an appropriate song that would work for that purpose, as well as connect with the general public emotionally. I do have a tendency to give up too easily. I think I'm improving, though. ;D

Thanks again for offering your evaluation. I appreciate it a lot.

Vicki

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #24 on: June 07, 2017, 03:53:57 PM »
This song has been moved to "Finished Songs"
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13295.0

If you feel moved to provide feedback, I hope you'll check it out there first.

Thanks,
Vicki