[JonDavies]

Wanted to write a scary story - kind of a fast folk, maybe a bit punky... I was listening to The Pogues when I started writing. Some of the language is a bit archaic, I hope I did this tastefully. There's no "wherefore art thou, heathen" or anything like that

Melody already set


There's a heathen at the well again
The same one as before
She came straight out of hell, my friend
Angel of demon spawn
Her head is full of hatred
Her soul is full of blood
Her mouth knows only the taste
Of sodden graveyard mud

Go to the church and ring the bell
Let it sing its awful knell
Tell everybody you can tell
There's a heathen at the well

I met her once in the black of night
She turned up at my door
To see her smile was a cruel delight
It begged me to know more
Her soul was full of love
Her head was full of wine
Her mouth whispered sinful things
Of her body being mine

Go to the church and ring the bell
Let it sing its awful knell
Tell everybody you can tell
There's a heathen at the well

She dissappeared soon after
As a flame from a spent match
From the fireplace I heard laughter
From the sky a sudden crack
Inhuman chanting filled the air
And cast on me a curse
"Your lover will be back again
She'll join you in the hearse"

Go to the church and ring the bell
Let it sing its awful knell
Tell everybody you can tell
There's a heathen at the well

I owe my soul to the devil
I owe my soul to the devil
I owe my soul to the devil
I owe my soul to the devil
I owe my soul, my soul to the devil oh Lord

[Mike67]

Wow!  Powerful writing, and every single word works perfectly IMO.  I'd love to be able to suggest an improvement, just one, to show I'm adding value, but I can't. Go to hell, you heathen spawn.

Mike

[JonDavies]

Thank you Mike67 for the kind words, although I would request that in fact you go to hell for you are, as one might say in not-so-polite circles, a heathen spawn yourself

[rightly]

I like this, partly cuz it clearly tells a story, a lineal sequence of events
                 - when writing I often have m'diffculties with lineal narration

nice imagery. Wuhuu, more!
n' thanks 

[Paulski]

Hi Jon

Now here is a great example of a good hook and staying faithful to it (no pun intended  )
Not much to pick at in terms of nits. A couple of spots didn't work for me:
- sing its awful knell <- to me a better verb could be used - maybe scream or clang IDK
- I owe my soul to the devil <- this seemed a tad cliché and trying to introduce news facts after the story has ended - maybe just repeat the hook?

Of course, I'm likely full of shite (I've been told a few times) so ignore at will.

Good lyric + 10
Paul

[JonDavies]

Thank you Rightly and Paulski for the kind words

Actually Paulski I agree with you - I seem to have this habit of throwing any old crap I have lying around into songs as bridges. For this I just found it in my notebook and thought "hmm that might work for Heathen..." but yeah, it feels a little out of place musically as well. May get rid of it

Thanks guys

[diademgrove]

Hi Jon,

great piece of writing. Hope the music lives up to the billing. I also agree with Paul about the outro being from a different song.

Keith

[CaliaMoko]

Wild and crazy thought...brittle knell? Instead of awful . Don't ask me why. Or maybe mournful.

[Darren1664]

Ahhh good lyrics!! Look forward to hearing the melody and music! I enjoyed reading that...I like how dark it is

All the best
Darren

[finestrat]

Blimey, that's good, really like the chorus.  I can picture this being performed by Steeleye Span

[JonDavies]

Thank you diademgrove, CaliaMoko, Darren1664 and finestrat for the kind words

CaliaMoko I will consider your suggestion

Thanks everyone