[Matt1991]

I'll be with you forever

I'll be with you forever
Till it all breaks away
Can't see you face anymore
As I slowly fade away
From this world tonight

Save me from this world I'm in
Save me from this life I can't stand
Save me from myself
Save me for you

I'll stand by you if you stand by me
I'll live to die another day
I've tried holding on
But it just keeps getting harder everyday
Don't know how much more
I'll take before it disappears

Save me from this world I'm in
Save me from this life I can't stand
Save me from myself
Save me for you

Save me
Save me
Save me
Save me

Save me from this world I'm in
Save me from this life I can't stand
Save me from myself
Save me for you

I'll be with you forever

[KyleRead]

Hey there!

This reminds me of the short story I made for a website months ago. Some lines I'm not really sure.

Save me from myself
Save me for you

I feel that saving me away from all the problems is good, but why saving from one's self? If you think about it, no one can escape from themselves. Maybe I just don't understand the deeper meaning of what it is.

The Save me for you line is kinda awkward. When I say, it's feels weird. I don't know to replace it with, tho. Maybe it's just me.

These are all my opinions, but hope these helps.

Kyle

[Mike67]

Hi Matt,

It might be worth you explaining the meaning you want to get across.  There are some nice lines here, but I'm not sure of the context and so it's hard to provide a deeper analysis. It seems like the protagonist is dying, but wants to be saved from someone s/he'll be with for ever and from himself/herself, but might not die if the subject of his desire doesn't leave or comes back?  I'm picking us some mixed messages, but it might just be the way I'm reading it.

Also, some of the rhymes don't work for me, namely away/away, day/everyday.

A good start, but I feel it needs a bit more refining.

Mike

[finestrat]

Is it somebody dying? not quite sure of the message