[Mike67]

Posted this in WOP a couple of weeks ago and I've now done a bit of work on the recording; tried to push the boat out a bit with this one, playing around with mixed tempos.  Still a bit of work to do particularly on the guitar parts and vocals, but I'd welcome comments in particular on how i can improve the production.  Still a long way to go there.

Mike

https://soundcloud.com/mike-warnes/broken-words

Broken words

Broken words and a twist of fate      
The final show; one last embrace      
A shallow gaze betrays the smile
Empty words forming all the while

A drop of rain that turns to stone
A wind that cuts through skin and bone
A wave that breaks and beats the ground
Broken words as the world slows down

Broken words and a twist of fate
Drift along through time and space
Patience dear, the words will kill
Lovers entwined until the world stands still

[ScottLevi]

Hey Mike,

Nice tidy lyric you have there, great imagery and has a good bounce to it whilst reading through which is always fun.

Loving the melody, that opening line got me on-board instantly.

"As the world slows down" got me all over again, great supporting music.

Production sounds fine to me, but it's not my area so unfortunately I can't be of much help.

All the best,
Scott.

[Martinswede]

Hi!

Your song is just getting better.
The tempo changes confuses me a bit but mostly
it's that those parts seem a little empty. I know
contrast and difference in dynamics is good but
it gave me the feeling of waiting in line. Waiting
for that good vocal part.

I think you've filled the 'room' well. Up front percussion.
Voice somewhere in the middle with a nice reverb.
Ambient and not so ambient guitars. (Love the distorted
one).

Cheers,
- Martin

[Skub]

Hi Mike.

Remember Snowy White,Bird of Paradise?

This song has a similar vibe,with lovely chilled guitar tones interweaving and interplaying.

I love the desolate,dreamy lyrics because I'm a miserable sod at heart.

Lovely work Mike. 

[Mike67]

Thanks for the comments guys - I'll keep at it.

Hi Mike.

Remember Snowy White,Bird of Paradise?

This song has a similar vibe,with lovely chilled guitar tones interweaving and interplaying.

I love the desolate,dreamy lyrics because I'm a miserable sod at heart.

Lovely work Mike. 

Hadn't heard Bird of Paradise - have now - stunning track, and it's given me some ideas re this one.  Cheers.

Mike

[Steng]

Oh I say! That section at 1:40 onwards ...."as the world slows down" and then the guitar, brill! Wish I'd written that. Can't fault the production. Guitar work is fab. My favourite song of the month so far. Really, really, good. Thanks for creating this Mike67.

Steng

[pompeyjazz]

Yes, I like this a lot Mike and you can tell that you've put a lot of work into it. Lovely dreamy feel to the song and the vocals have just the right amount of effects on them. Love it when the heavier guitar kicks in. Can see the comparisons to Snowy White but think this has your unique stamp all over it. A very good piece of work IMO 

[Yodasdad]

Hi,

Nice track Mike.

I think you've done a pretty good job of the production here, I can't suggest much.

The only things I would say are, the guitar that comes in at 0:50 is slightly out of time and the snare at 2:00 sounds a little dry and detached compared to everything else which is awash with reverb.

This didn't really detract from my enjoyment though.

Good work

Yodasdad

[tina m]

This is very good!...melancholy but full of ghostly suspense & tension,
with some lovely guitar playing & great bass aswell ... you create a fab sound..
i didnt totally get the lyrics, I suppose its lovers & treachery but they certainly sounded at home in the music & you sang really well ...i noticed you had rain in this like your last one so make the most of it while you can becos I want a lovely hot summer without any! ok  
i forgot to say my fave bit was when the loud guitar chords came in...actually thats probably my fave bit in every song!  

[boolio]

Hi,

I really like the suspenseful intro and its really impressive how you start driving the track and pull it back again, seamlessly

Also the production sounds pretty cool to me - as do your vocals.

Great job

Phil

[Mike67]

Thanks for the kind words guys.  Still tweaking and learning loads as I go...really enjoying the process, but so much work!

Mike

[CaliaMoko]

I know I'm not qualified to say so, but I think the production sounds great! I would be in heaven if I could do so well.

Your voice suits this song so well; it has a haunting sound that is perfect.

The endings of some of the words are still missing, but I think I can hear improvement there. I'm pretty sure I could have understood what all the words were, even if I hadn't been following along with the printed lyrics. The most noticeable words were "fate" (fay) and "embrace" (embray). Both of those would be easy to fix.

Beautiful song, great for "enjoying" a melancholy mood. 

Vicki

[adamfarr]

Enjoyed this very much. The lyrics have good use of sounds (the long "a" sound in particular) which I really like.

Nice ebbing and flowing - I think that's what they call prosody, when everything supports the theme of the song in that way! Great atmosphere you created.

Like Vicky I noticed some of the words disappearing at times - apart from the phrasing and delivery, some fader automation could also help with this, just to bring up the levels temporarily on key words or ones that are swamped a bit by other tracks...

[Mike67]

Thanks Adam.  Still working on it - got a new jazzy intro thing going on - but I'm hoping to get it mastered soon, which should help the sound massively.

Mike

[rightly]

I enjoyed listening to this
it's interesting, refreshingly unpredictable
good lyrics are almost always a must for me, and there they are.

the third verse isn't as good as the other two (for me).
but generally I'm delighted that one with your particular skills has joined the forum.

Keep 'em coming! Rightly