[JonDavies]

Hey guys - got this penned down so far but I'm wondering where to take it next. I feel it needs a third verse, but I'm stuck as to what it should be about. No firm melody or chords yet. Suggestions welcome

A poem paints a thousand pictures
And he paints a thousand pictures by the light of the moon
Living alone, reading holy scripture
He lives between the pages of his wire-bound notebook

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in the soles of his shoes
But he's a painter of worlds
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues

He's a human six string symphony
With nothing but his heartbeat to keep himself in time
His melodies scatter in the breeze
Descending into patterns of harmony and rhyme

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in the soles of his shoes
But he's a painter of worlds
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues

[potential bridge]
He and his guitar provides
The backdrop for this scene
And though he plays so sweetly
No one ever sees him

[Mike67]

Hi Jon,

Some great lines here (recognise that poetic bent of yours) and this has the potential to be a great song.  I think you're right on a 3rd verse, and there are a number of roads you could go down.  You could go down the descriptive road:

An old guitar, battered and worn
Bearing all the hallmarks of a life lived on the street
Playing the streets for nickels and dimes
Dirty denim trousers, and old trainers on his feet

But perhaps better, a verse reflecting that he's opening his heart, and sharing his experience of life to passers by, who simply walk on by, e.g. Bears his soul to strangers, who just look and walk on by, etc, etc.  Or a mix of the two

Feel free to ignore.

Mike

[CaliaMoko]

What Mike said. And using his second idea, here's another example (I know the last line in particular is poor, but it's just an idea--you're free to use or lose any or all of it--plus the rhyme scheme doesn't quite match yours, anyway)

He opens his heart and bares his soul
To the bustling crowds of all the people passing by
Nodding in thanks for the nickels and dimes
To the strangers unwilling to meet his eye

Your words evoke a clear picture in my mind and, like Mike said, this certainly has potential.

Vicki

[JonDavies]

Thank you so much for your suggestions - I will play around with both of your ideas and lines to cook something up - a third verse describing the people's attitudes to him would be great

It's a bit bleak, but it occurred to me that if the main character dies then the whole "angel a-singing the blues" hook could be repeated with a more literal meaning. This would require four verses though. Would that be too much? I suppose I could make one of those ideas into a bridge

Thanks guys

[Mike67]

If the song's strong enough, it could carry 4 verses, but a bridge would work.  Good luck with it.

Mike

[JonDavies]

Added a little bridge - not sure about the last line

[CaliaMoko]

Possible last line:
"No one ever really sees him."

[JonDavies]

Possible last line:
"No one ever really sees him."

Thanks, amended

[CaliaMoko]

I'm honored to have had a bit of a hand in your song.

[Mike67]

Not sure if you have the melody now and it's hard to comment on flow without it, but this flows better with the melody in my head. What you have already might work better with the tune in your head though. As ever, feel free to ignore.

M

Just a man and his guitar
Provide a backdrop for the scene
Although he plays so sweetly
He's barely every seen.

[JonDavies]

Not sure if you have the melody now and it's hard to comment on flow without it, but this flows better with the melody in my head. What you have already might work better with the tune in your head though. As ever, feel free to ignore.

M

Just a man and his guitar
Provide a backdrop for the scene
Although he plays so sweetly
He's barely every seen.

No melody as of yet - I'll try both and see how they work out although in yours I would prefer to say "but though" rather and "although"

Thanks for the suggestion

[Martinswede]

Hi!
This looks interesting.
Maybe I'll give it a try when time is given.

- Martin

[Martinswede]

Hi again!

I've taken a look at the lyrics and this is what I came up with:

A poem is a thousand pictures
And he paints them by the light of the moon
Living alone, reading the scripture
He lives between the pages of his wire-bound book

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in his shoes
But he has painted this world
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues

He's his own six string symphony
Only accompanied his heartbeat
His melodies scatter in the breeze
Descending into a harmony

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in his shoes
But he has painted this world
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues


If its okay I can post a recording.

Cheers,
- Martin

[JonDavies]

Hi again!

I've taken a look at the lyrics and this is what I came up with:

A poem is a thousand pictures
And he paints them by the light of the moon
Living alone, reading the scripture
He lives between the pages of his wire-bound book

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in his shoes
But he has painted this world
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues

He's his own six string symphony
Only accompanied his heartbeat
His melodies scatter in the breeze
Descending into a harmony

He's a poor boy
The water seeps through
The holes in his shoes
But he has painted this world
A sculptor of lives
He's an angel a-singing the blues

You can him him singing
Do do do dododo do do
Do do do do do
Do do do dododo do do
He's an angel a-singing the blues


If its okay I can post a recording.

Cheers,
- Martin

Hey thanks

I'll consider some of your changes - although the first line is meant to be a reversal of an English saying "a picture paints a thousand words" so that will stay as it is

Feel free to post a recording of your own however I have set music to this now

[Martinswede]

Hi!

Yes I see. We got the exact same expression over here.
(En bild säger mer än tusen ord)
Good way of disguising it.

I might try to record it. I did so with a lyric
written by Mike67. I learned a lot doing so.

And after all recording something new is
way better than trying to make something
out of old projects.

All the best,
- Martin