[Yodasdad]

Hi All,

Update - Following feedback, there's a new middle 8 and a few other tweaks here.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/youre-gonna-know-me-guide-vox-v10-m-blair-2017

don't feel obliged to listen again if you've already commented. Thanks, Yodasdad.

I've decided to put this in finished songs.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/youre-gonna-know-me-guide-vocal-m-blair-2017/s-NATAw

I tried it in unfinished yesterday but i've had no joy so far and after tinkering a bit more, the song itself is actually done, I think.

The vocal on it at the moment is still only a guide vocal - it will eventually have a female vocal on it. 1 because I can't hit the notes as you'll hear and 2 because I wrote it as a female song.

The only other things that might change before the final vocal are the lyrics:

this broken shell - to - a broken shell

maybe

at the end of every street - to - at 20 thousand feet??

and maybe

When you see how I have changed - to - now everything has changed???


Unless of course you guys have other ideas.

Any feedback is welcome as always but particularly around melody, harmony, structure and lyrics as these are things that will be most difficult to change after paying for a vocalist.

Many thanks

Yodasdad

You're gonna know me - © M Blair 2017

Verse

I have been the lonely
The faceless and the few
i’m destined not to be remembered
Those are the words you used
You infected every inch of my soul
and left a broken shell
But I will rise up stronger out of this hole
I’m breaking out of hell

Chorus  

You’re gonna know me
You’re gonna know my name
You’ll say you know me
coz everything has changed
Take note of me, cos I will be, remembered for eternity
You’re gonna know me someday

Verse 2

I keep a picture in a locket
Of the me that I set free
One day you’ll see it on a billboard
At the end of every street Or at 20 thousand feet
As you’re passing take a look in my eyes
at what you could’ve had
but instead you tried to mess with my mind
Well look how I’ve bounced back
  
Mid 8

I’m stronger than you know
I healed from all my bruises
Ive gone and flipped the status quo
I’ve dealt with all my hate
These days I’ve learned to use it
I roped a dope now I’ll steal the show

[tina m]

Hi Yoda
yes the Feedback on Works in Progress section is a waste of time & should be renamed No Feedback on Works in Progress bcos thats what you normally get!
anyway I liked your song ..to critique it id say the guitars sounded a bit samey all the way thru the song & maybe you should use a keyboard in the verses instead, to make the chorus more defined ?
For the same reason I thought the chorus was crying out for harmonies ,but then I heard the last chorus which has so much more going on in it & sounds excellent, & thought why not have every chorus liike that ?
I didnt think the M8 worked very well im afraid
Lyrically its 'I Will Survive' part2  so stand by for it to become a gay anthem!

[shadowfax]

Love the intro...I reckon the jangly guitar should stop during the chorus
the middle 8 seems to be from a different song , like the instrumental part,
why not sing it in a lower key?, reckon it would sound good, your voice is good..why not?

best, Kevin

[Mike67]

Great song and reallly like the way you've set it out. Guitars are great, so are the keyboards, but I loved the bass lines. I thought the M8 provided a good contrast too. my only niggle is it sounded like one or two of the lines contained one too many syllables, which interrupted the flow of the lyrics. For example, "but I will rise up", might flow better without the "but".

Great song beautifully realised.

Mike

[jacksimmons]

Production-wise this is pretty spot on. Only thing I would say is the jangly guitar in the intro is a litle toppy and bitey for my liking. It's fine once the song starts and it's buried a little in the mix, though.

Won't comment on the vocals cause you're gonna replace them, but I think you're selling yourself short. You hit the highest notes fine! I'm going to do something I don't usually do and offer a little bit of advice on melody for the chorus. On the second line, you have a nice run down with "You're gonna know my name." Then it jumps nicely with "How I've changed" which is a nice aggression. Then, on the line, "Take note of me, 'cause I will be," your chord changes build it to a point where I expected, or wanted, something much prettier and melancholy than the high shout that ended the line. I think you'd benefit here from something subtler, sadder, that works down note-wise rather than up. Don't know if you catch my meaning, but yeah. Usually I don't give specific advice on melody because I know it's such a matter of personal taste, but I think that's a really strong chorus that's let down by that one line. Of course, with a female singer, I imagine things will change. Just my two cents!

Really dig the funky drop out near the end and the synth-y solo. This is spot on structure wise, actually, but I'm sure you know this. This is written like by a professional commercial songwriter. That's also why I'm not going to comment on the lyrics - they serve their purpose. As for your ask about changes to them, I think either of the options for all the lines you mentioned work. It doesn't change much as far as I can tell so just go with your gut.

Nice.

[CaliaMoko]

Hi All,

I've decided to put this in finished songs.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/youre-gonna-know-me-guide-vocal-m-blair-2017/s-NATAw

I tried it in unfinished yesterday but i've had no joy so far and after tinkering a bit more, the song itself is actually done, I think.

Yeah, I need to spend more time in "Unfinished". I like that forum, and it should be more active.

The only other things that might change before the final vocal are the lyrics:

this broken shell - to - a broken shell

I vote for the second option

at the end of every street - to - at 20 thousand feet??

Here I prefer the first option

When you see how I have changed - to - now everything has changed???

And here I like the second option better. Also this line:

but instead you tried to mess with my mind

I think I'd prefer it without the "but".

Very strong lyric, excellent work, in my opinion. Of course, everything I write is my opinion. And about the middle 8--I understand why someone mentioned it sounds like it's from a different song, but I think it works. It just needs the transitions around it to be made smoother and more "flowy"?? Or something like that. I like the contrast of it against the rest of the piece.

And sorry I didn't get to it in "unfinished songs". My goal is to do better.

Vicki

[Jamie]

Hi, enjoyed the song with the exception of the bridge which didn't fit. Like the intro and the keyboard sounds.interesting melody. I think the song needs a bit of a re-write unless you love the bridge  !
Cheers
Jamie

[Mono Stone]

This is a really good song.

I skimmed the other comments and I disagree with the opinion that the Mid8 doesn't work. I think it works well, you just sing a bit off pitch during that part (and I think the vocal melody could be a bit more interesting there)...but it does fit in terms of the chords and mood change...I think it needs that contrast.

For me the only big issue is that the high frequencies on the guitar and vocals is much too cutting. It's bordering on painful and until that's fixed I find it hard to hear the detail in the rest of the mix.

With the right mix, and a retake on the bridge vocal, I think this would be great.

Can't imagine a female vocal but good luck finding the right one. I thought your own voice worked really well on it (aside from the eq and a bit of the bridge).

Arrangement-wise, I like it as it is, just jangly guitar indie sound (kind of early 90s indie pop sound).

[Martinswede]

Hi Yodasdad!

If it matters I'm not used to the genre.
It starts at alternative rock and adds synth.

In the first verse the synth really fights with the space
the vocals are given. It distracts.

The chorus starts good but:
'Take note of me, cos I will be, remembered for eternity'
goes into ESC-territory. It just climbs up the scale to obvious.

The  break is a nice part but the vocals that come are a bit
smothered imo. A bit more treble (or less) could make the effect
more fitting.

Cheers,
- Martin

[Skub]

Yo Yodasdad.

Yo Yo. arf. 

Ahem.

Cool power pop thang going on right here. Interesting the couple of mentions of toppy sounding guitars. I think there may be a bit of depends what you are listening through? The guitars are sharp,but not in a nasty way to me. I'd say they compliment the mix very well. Maybe my top end hearing is borked?

The bridge was the other section which drew comment. I quite like the break,but not the melody,it seems a little ordinary and the song merits better.

I enjoyed the listen,maybe a couple more tweaks and you'll be happy.

[Yodasdad]

Thanks for your comments people.

It seems my middle 8 has divided opinion somewhat, I knew it would.

Originally there wasn't one, it went straight into the guitar solo but this didn't feel right to me. The mid 8 was therefore a bit of an afterthought and I guess it's coming across that way. I'll certainly be having another look at this.

Tinam

Thanks for your comments, I'll have a go at beefing up some of the earlier chorus's

Shadofax

You're too kind re my voice. A lower key is an option and if I don't get the cash for the vocalist I may go that way but it's a female song in my head anyway.

Mike67

Thanks for the obs on the lyrics. I like the bass too. I wanted to go for a really fat sound on this one.

Jacksimmons.

Thanks for your detailed reply. I get what you're saying about the melody. I'm going to have alook at it. It's difficult with this one for me though. The chorus melody is one of those that just came straight away for me on this. I know sometimes the first isn't always the best but I'm struggling to hear anything else at the moment. I'll keep going.

Caliamoko

Don't worry about not getting to it on unfinished, I don't venture in there too much myself. I've noticed that a lot of the folk in there often don't venture anywhere else either. Thanks for the comments re the lyrics, strong praise from you.

Jamie

thanks for listening, I'll keep working on it.

Mono stone

Interesting your comment about the high frequencies - I'm not hearing it myself. Is it the whole mix or specific elements? I've got the perfect female singer in mind. I've used her before and I had a kernel of an idea for this song at the time and I knew then that she'd be right for it. Just got to save my pennies now.

Martinswede

To be honest I don't really know what genre it is myself, I just write what comes out. An amalgamation of my youth I think as I used to be into alternative rock and then Trance.

There's not actually any synth on the first verse, is it the piano you're referring to? I've had to google ESC...Eurovision song contest? I'm not sure whether that's a bad thing or a good thing. I wouldn't mind getting a song placed on there.

Skub

I was wondering the same thing about the toppy guitars. I know they're on the high side but everything I've listened on they've sounded okay. I thought maybe listening apparatus aswell. I could be wrong though and probably am. I agree the mid 8 needs another look as I said earlier.

Yodasdad

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Yoda, sorry I've missed this earlier. Think its great . would love to do some bv's on it. Pm me if interested 

[Steng]

Nice song. Agree that M8 doesn't quite work. Chorus is spot-on. Lovely bass. I really like the sound of those backing vocals, just not enough of them. Anyhow we know your name Yodasdad, so that's cool right? No billboard required dude.

Steng

[Morefrog Jones]

Wanders around a little in some interesting directions - some sections dont quite blend on first listen but it could be one of those songs that need a couple of plays - but overall really enjoyed the overall feel of the song and there is some good stuff in there.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Great start.

Nice melodies verse and chorus. Nice verse and chorus full stop.

It's a good song. The chorus makes a memorable entrance and provides the lift. I'm trying to imagine it with a powerful female voice and it will make it better. That remembered for eternity bit is good for me but not with you singing it...no disrespect! Your vocal is good! Maybe some female vocal harmonies there too for the 'you're gonna know me' lines at least.

The idea of a bridge is a good one I think...a change in dynamic before coming back in with the final big chorus....but definitely needs work.  You say it was an afterthought and it has that feel...not a very worked out melody in there. Mind you, if nothing comes to you that works, I think that an instrumental solo on its own would provide the necessary interlude....anything to make that last big chorus hit hard!