[LAquila]

Its been a summer of record heat where I live and, personally, for more reasons than just the freakin' sun. But it did offer me a chance to capture the sensation of a blossoming romance with a fairly obvious metaphor.

Here it is, with lyrics reproduced below. All comments and suggestions received with thanks.

cheers,
L


https://soundcloud.com/laquila-409411957/summer-spark

I wake from dreaming
Can see the morning streaming through the blinds
I smile and recognise the feeling
You are the first thing on my mind

But I want to know
How to take it slow
I can’t let it go when I’m on fire

There’s a hot sun rising in my heart
A new day is dawning, another morning starts
To fan the flaming fire of unquenchable desire
For you, my summer spark

You come to me this evening
Seductive and revealing, so fine
We lie together, heavy breathing
Hearts are beating perfectly in time

But you tell me to
Not to fall for you
That’s so hard to do when I’m on fire

[Jamie]

Hi , nice sounding strummed acoustic vibe, liked the chords too. Sounded a bit too much as if it had been recorded with one mic in a steel tank, but maybe that's the sound you were aiming for? Enjoyed the song though!It does have a bit of a west coast flower power vibe to it too.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie

[Skub]

Yo LAquila.

I'd put some flowers in my hair,if I had some flowers and...well some hair too. 

A define hippy vibe right here.

I really like the song,but like Jamie said I'd love to hear it not recorded in a steel tank! You could even use the current sound as a bridge effect,rather than for the whole song.

[Mono Stone]

Nice song. It just suffers from the effected sound being over the top. If that's the sound of the recording then nothing you can do other than try for a cleaner recording... but if the sound is through effects you've added then I think you went waaaaay over the top...it's very hard to hear the vocal clearly and the effect is killing what I think would be a nice acoustic.

If you want psychedelic, just add a touch of effects rather than drowning in effects.

The song is really good, well worth getting the sound right

[CaliaMoko]

Very pretty, very sixties. Very nostalgic sounding for me. You've had plenty of feedback regarding the extreme hollowness of the production. I get the same kind of thing when I sit in front of my laptop and record something through the on-board mic, so I'm assuming something like that is to blame.

Regarding the song itself, I like it. I'm not generally into romantic song themes so the story of the song didn't speak to me in any meaningful way, but the style of the song, the feel of it, is right up my alley. I'm stuck in the sixties.

I think you did a good job with the words. You mostly stayed away from worn-out phrases, which is often hard to do.

So, good job!

Vicki

[JonDavies]

I love the melody to this - the vocals are also very strong

I do think you should remove the effect on either the guitar or the vocals, having it on both is a little too much. I would say remove the effect on the guitar, the effect on the voice is cool

Awesome song though aside from that

[pompeyjazz]

You lucky dude you, getting all hot and bothered  I liked the sixties ambience and think you've got a really good song here but I don't quite know about the swirling phaser and reverb, but then again... Who knows. I enjoyed it anywat

[Moomond]

I'm pretty sure this is a terrific song. I only say pretty sure because the recording quality of your guitar really needs to be looked at, it was noticeably off-putting at the start.

Once I got used to it though, I loved the song, I wished I could hear your brilliant voice and delivery so that it was decorated by the guitar rather than them both being crammed into a very small sonic space. I see that a few people have mentioned the sixties idea, I'm not sure if that comes from the song itself or the swirling production.

As a song itself, I think it's awesome. Simple, strong, elegant, I love how musical your lyrics are.

[Cazrolina]

Yes. Terrific. With only just a wee bit of embellishment it'd really shine. I imagined a light sprinkling of bass and drums and some harmonised "Oohs" or similar in backing the chorus. In agreement on the effects as others have mentioned. But this is a really cool track. 60s, yes. But 90s (was it really that log ago..?) Stone Roses and Waterfalls came into my mind too. It has that kind of relaxed indie feel to it, as i see you labelled it.
Really great melodies and vocals. And it made me feel good too. Ahhhh. Roll on Summer time (Only 4 months to wait...)

[Yodasdad]

I enjoyed the song itself, very melodic and catchy.

As others have said its spoiled by the effect. It sounds like you've strapped a phaser or flanger across the whole mix.

I think a nice clean acoustic guitar with a touch of reverb and delay and this would be in a different league to what it is now.

The hard bits done though, a decent song.

Yodasdad.

[adamfarr]

Really liked the lyrics and melody here - though I thought the first chorus ended on a slightly surprising note (other choruses seemed OK though).

It's probably a bit too long for just guitar and voice, but perhaps with a new mix I might change my mind...

[Neil C]

Hi,
I with the others not sure why you had the fx everywhere, I remember your other tune and your voice sounds good. Anyway neat rhythms to it, got a late 60/early 70's vibe going.
Look forward to hearing the song remixed if thats possible.
My other suggestion is that the song could be a bit shorter
 
neil

[LAquila]

Thanks to everyone for the awesome feedback. I've deliberately left it a little while before responding to get my thoughts together about how to make this better - that plus the fact I've been in Melbourne for a few days for work. Great city, should anyone get a chance to visit.

Clearly, I need to do something about my obsession with FX. Trouble is, I find a sound I like, apply it, then find another and so on - the result being that the end product is a dog's breakfast. Need a better approach and the comments here all point in a clear direction.

@ Neil and Adam: I was conscious that it needed shortening. Anything over four minutes is a bit self indulgent. I've cut two bars out of the intro and the middle, leaving it about 40 seconds shorter.

@ all the guys who said the FX on the guitar were too much, that 'swirling sound' that Ray and John described and the 'steel tank' thing that Jamie and Vance remarked on: yeah, I dunno why I liked that at first but it does suck attention away from the vocals. And it does generate that hippie vibe that I keep seeming to land on.

Brilliant voice, Ray? I dunno about that but thanks!! 

And, yes, John - I'm one lucky dude!

@ Caz: I wish I could put other instruments on - I agree that it needs bass and drums and better backing vocals. Thanks for your other comments about the song and how it made you feel good. Love that!

Ah, your three-week summer isn't too far off. Sometimes I long for winter!

@Vicki: Your superb insight into what works lyrically is such an asset to this forum. I have no pretensions about creating a good sound but I do aspire to produce meaningful, tight lyrics. I try to avoid cliches like the plague...

Thanks again all. I've re-recorded the song in line with these suggestions and hopefully it sits a little better.

cheers,
L

[Boydie]

I am definitely in the "not a fan of the FX" camp

For me it is not that there is "too much" FX - but rather the FX do not "support" the song in any way

The vocal is recorded very "hot" so it is constantly on the edge of "clipping", which makes it very fatiguing to listen to

Exactly the same performance recorded with less gain would soften the song a bit and help the message connect - if you were singing this to a girl I think it would scare her to death!   

I really liked the rhythm pattern you played on the acoustic