[Neil C]

Here's one of our FAWM entries. Paul's fab lyrics put to a simple acoustic backdrop with one take tongue twister guide vocals. But do read the lyrics..
All feedback grateful received.
 
Neil

https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/broadmoor-master-3rds-feb-2017  

Give me a break. Give it a rest
I give it all that I've got
Give my regards to Broadmoor
It made me the man that I'm not

A Valium attempt
at rehabilitation
but i only have ideas
below my station

The stub from my prescription
Three syringes in the fountain
You say molehill
And I say mountain

A graduate professional
wonders what he'll find
if he stuffs me full of jungle juice
and opens up my mind

Tazered then sedated
For my own good, of course
They cable-tie my hands
Like frozen applause

A Chemical imbalance
It's a very fine divide
Between respectability
And being certified

Cannot see a reason
For raising the alarm
with my face in a pillow
and a needle in my arm

I got a padded headboard
where I'll never carve a notch
See the second hand dragging
round my suicide watch

I'll wash the whole bottle down
The storm before the calm
Only Smarties have the answer
In the funniest of farms

adamson/connor c2017

[Wicked Deeds]

Cool song, great choice of chords. I think the simplicity of your approach makes this work allowing the lyrics to shine through. I'd think twice about elaborating with a fuller production.  :-) Paul

[CaliaMoko]

I think the lyric is brilliant, and the melody line fits perfectly. The whistling suits it, in my opinion. I have no nits. I'm not responding to the production and performance because I know you haven't had time to do any polishing. But I can imagine this done crisply and perfectly and in my imagination it is awesome. Once you have this down and do it with no mistakes and no sweat, it'll be a favorite for sure at gigs. People will request it, hoping they can catch you making a mistake, missing a word but, of course, you'll always do it perfectly.

[ScottLevi]

Yes Neil, Paul

Been hearing some good stuff on soundcloud from y'all and its a credit how fast you can keep putting them out.

Super lyrics with plenty to love such as
"A Chemical imbalance
It's a very fine divide
Between respectability
And being certified"

I enjoyed the nice acoustic go at it and agree with others that it doesn't sound like it needs much else.

I really liked the whistling though, would've been nice to hear more.

All the best,
Scott

[shadowfax]

As always very special lyrics from Paul...whistling is a good addition..

this is good work considering the time frame your working at guys..

[Bill Saunders]

Hi Neil and Paul

Really enjoyed this - simple and effective. Great lyrics I must say. Whistling is a risky strategy - can get wearing after a few listens, but hey as a one off it worked really well. In a live setting this would go down a storm!

Good luck with the rest of FAWM.

Bill

[Skub]

On the money lyrics and a fine one take performance from Neil,this will be a belter when it's polished. 

[Moomond]

Funny, clever, dark, I love it. The laidback-sounding recording and general tone of the song set off the subject matter really well.

The lyrics are too good to be left as indistinct as they are though - they're wasted if they need to be read. I guess you're going to tighten that up?

[pompeyjazz]

Well, what did I expect from you two guys apart from absolute brilliance. Dark, witty, sleazy, dirty, right on, wicked laugh at the end Neil

[Neil C]

thanks Wicked, you're right about simplicity, just need a decent vocal take with breathing as i really learn the song

Vicki - People will request it, hoping they can catch you making a mistake, missing a word but, of course, you'll always do it perfectly.cor blimey talk about setting the bar high

Scott, cheers for the feedback, the whistling stays

Kevin, absolutely, its feels like were slaves to the challenge

Bill, thanks for +ve feedback

skub, I'll be polishing once the FAWM thing is over and I've reset

moomond,

Funny, clever, dark, I love it

thanks

John, thanks its the first of three we're working on together.

[Jamie]

Hi guys, great feel to this collaboration. Excellent lyrics carried along by some great chords and some very supportive whistling!
Good stuff guys, excellent work!
Cheers
Jamie

[Yodasdad]

Great lyrics, even if it is a struggle to get them out.

I can imagine this playing in a scene in a film about Bronson, if he were to ever be released.

The whistling is a nice touch, the musical back drop fits the topic well.

Yodasdad.

[adamfarr]

Paul's lyrics are typically stellar and it works really well as a song. More songs should have whistling and it really goes well here. The only thing I found was that a breakdown could help break up the feel a bit, maybe around the "chemical imbalance" verse.
Anyhow, some really good stuff coming out of these collabs!

[delb0y]

Great work guys - most enjoyable!

Love the lyrics and the melody and style fit perfectly. I never even knew where Broadmoor was until recently when I went to a meeting at my boss's house and heard a siren being sounded... What's that? I asked. It's the Broadmoor alarm. Hopefully the corresponding "all clear" will sound in two minutes... It duly did, but I couldn't help but wondering, and imagining, what happened if the follow up all clear didn't come.

Cheers
Derek

[digger72]

Hi Neil,

This really suits your vocal. Great delivery of some excellent lyrics.
I liked the stripped down nature of the song - seemed to be appropriate.

Cool stuff.
Digger