[CaliaMoko]

Okay, this is the final (for now) version [posted 8 Feb 2017]
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/vickis-lemonade-v4
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Final (for now) version posted 8 Feb 2017
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/vickis-lemonade-v3
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I have, more or less, completed this song, thus I've moved it to "Finished Songs". I tried a backing track generated by the SongSmith software, but it didn't sound right, so I just strummed my guitar for accompaniment.

If anyone can think of any two-syllable words with emphasis on the first syllable that would be an improvement over "wisdom", that would be awesome. Or maybe that whole line could be something different. I'm stuck on it, at the moment.

The chords turned out to be easier than I anticipated. I couldn't figure out anything but C major to start with, but I consulted a guitar-playing friend, who helped me get past that block. I changed the melody a little, as where I went with the chords didn't match.

I don't really want to repeat the second verse; I would rather have an instrumental break there, but that's not my thing, so I sang the verse over instead.

Once I'm sure I'm happy with this whole thing, it's going to go on the pile of songs I'll be having mastered when (if) I get the grant I applied for. I should know in about two to three weeks.

All feedback solicited and, as always, please be very frank. I'm not touchy and I love finding out where I'm weak so I know what to work on.

The song file is here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/makin-lemonade2/s-kPTKo

EDIT: 7 Feb 2017--This is now a collaboration with Skub. Hear the update here: https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/makin-lemonade-2/s-nLslg. He did all the fancy music with background vocals, instruments and stuff.  

EDIT: 8 Feb 2017--Final version (we think): https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/vickis-lemonade-v3

MAKIN' LEMONADE

V1
You keep a-comin', knockin' on my door
Always a-complainin' that you're so poor
But don't you whine to me, buddy
I'm busy makin' lemonade.
You're always grousin' how the world is unfair,
And never in your life did you have a prayer.
But don't you whine to me, buddy
I'm busy makin' lemonade.

CHORUS
Don't keep a-both'rin' me with all your fussin'
You're all wound up about a whole lot o' nothin'
If you have any wisdom you'll join my parade
Go pick up all your lemons and make yourself some lemonade.

V2
I got no time for feelin' blue
I've decided what I need's a diff'rent attitude
So you won't hear me whinin', buddy,
I'm too busy makin' lemonade.
Don't matter if there's rain fallin' on my tree.
That only means more lemons next year for me.
No, you won't hear me whinin', buddy,
I'm too busy makin' lemonade.

CHORUS

V2 (I would prefer an instrumental break here)

CHORUS

Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison

[LAquila]

Hey Vicki,

This is quite infectious and I really like the unspoken moral. Speaks volumes without being preachy. The 'wisdom' line, though, does seem to cross over into that territory.

I was wondering if maybe you could do something with 'bitter'? 'If life gets any more bitter, you'll join in my parade'.

Two problems there: 1) It doesn't scan as well (although maybe the last line could be done as an overdub). And 2) Lemons are sour, not bitter. Call on poetic licence perhaps?

Cheers,
L

[CaliaMoko]

Oh, thanks, LAquila! That gives me a good idea! I think I'll try,  "If you're tired of bein' grouchy, you can join my parade." Much better. Thanks again.

[Martinswede]

Hi CaliaMoko!

Great to finally hear the song with instrumentation.
I'd like to hear a bit more, in lack of a better word, drive in your voice.
A bit more jazz style. Secondly I'd like a better guitar sound, more
presence. 

All the best,

- Martin

[Paulski]

Hi Vicki

Great to hear these lyrics come alive.
You've served them up well too with a cool melody line, good mix, and a sweet voice!
Now stick some "oooo" harmonies in there and you've got sth to sell to minutemaid for their next commercial.

Nice work
Paul

[Cazrolina]

This is super catchy. I kept singing this all afternoon.  And thinking of lemonade too Sweet!

If your grouchy line doesn't work, "if you have common sense you'll join my parade".
But the sung length of the word join is still sticking out for me..

Maybe you could keep the original wisdom line in, but..
Say wisdom quick, then cut the guitar out at  'dom for a 1 beat gap and then bring the rest of the line in (You could keep the same higher note for join as for the rest of the end of line. (I wish i could explain this better. Hope this made sense..?)

C

[CaliaMoko]

@Martinswede: Yes, I agree on both points. I need to keep working on my vocals. I've been far too lax about exercising consistently. Actually, I'd really rather have Rachael Price sing it for me! Now SHE has the voice for it. I'll have to see about pitching it to her....  My guitar playing leaves a lot to be desired. Believe it or not, it's actually improved the past couple months. I have a long way to go. I plan to have this song professionally produced, which will take care of that problem. Thanks for listening!

@Paulski: Thanks so much for the sweet words! The idea of something for harmonies crossed my mind a time or two, but I hadn't pursued it to consider what might work. Oooo style vocables is probably perfect. I'm going to see what I can come up with.

@Cazrolina: I'm honored! Thanks for the alternative ideas. I'm also considering "grumpy" and "crabby". Right now I'm leaning toward "grumpy". And I might use "When you're tired of" maybe, instead of "If you're tired of". Makes it more positive. So many options....  Thanks again! I appreciate the ideas!

Vicki

[IronKnee]

Hey there Vickie.........
Lovely song. Love the lyrics, especially. The Melody carries this nicely.
Good stuff!
                                   -Tom

[adamfarr]

Great to se this taking another leap forward. Really like what you've done with it (so far!)

[Moomond]

It's really catchy. I can see this sticking in my head for the rest of the afternoon. I agree that I'd prefer to see an instrumental break or something rather than the first verse repeated.

I like your voice for this song, it somehow adds to the sort of rural-American feel (or possibly I'm just saying that because that's what the subject matter suggests - not sure, but it works!)

As for your problem line, why don't you try varying it with each repetition? Keep what you have for the first chorus, then a different variant for each of the other two. I particularly liked LAquila's 'bitter' suggestion because of the bitter-lemon connection. How about something like "You're looking pretty bitter, better join my parade"?

[CaliaMoko]

@IronKnee: Thanks, Tom! I'm so glad you like the song and especially the lyrics.

@adamfarr: Thank you! Keep watching for further developments!

@Moomond: A song that sticks in one's head is always my goal. You will be happy to learn the repetitious verse is going to go away in favor of an instrumental break. Thank you for the kind words regarding my voice. I need an occasional boost, because I sometimes get melancholy when I think about the days when I had a much stronger voice and a much wider range <<sigh>>

I hadn't thought of varying the line with each chorus. I've done that with other songs, so it should have occurred to me. I'm going to think about that possibility.

An update is in the works for this one, so watch this space for more information about that!

And thanks to everyone for listening!

Vicki

[boolio]

Hi Vicki,

I love the way this is turning out. It flows and has a massive ear-worm quality which is sure to stay with the listener

I haven’t got any real ideas how you could improve an already catchy lyric but as you ask maybe you could remove the word wisdom by modifying the line to something like…

Use your common sense and join in my parade…

or maybe to maintain the homespun American feel

Use your noggin and join in my parade... (I think noggin is used widely in America!?)

Or not!

Seriously all in all I would say it’s already pretty well structured therefore, if you know what’s good for you song, you’ll ignore me! 

Phil

[Jamie]

Hi Vicki, top quality vocal as usual. There was a British band in the early sixties called (I think!) Mcguiness Flint and it made me think of them. Nice poppy sing along song.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie

[pompeyjazz]

lovely bluesy feel to this one Vicki. Very singalongable. I thought that you had captured the vibe very well and it's the sort of song that gets stuck in your head (In a good way) Liked it a lot

[CaliaMoko]

@boolio, Jamie, & pompeyjazz: Thanks for the complimentary words! I've considered quite a number of alternatives for the "wisdom" line and have come up with something else.

Also [dut dut duh dahhhhhh] this song has now become a collaboration. Skub has added his expertise to the track, so please see what you think of this new development! I'm updating the original post, but you can find the updated song file here:

https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/makin-lemonade2/s-kPTKo