[Cazrolina]

Hi Jon,

Thanks so much for the extremely helpful message and kind feedback.
 
I'm hoping to properly perform and record this fairly soon so this is amazing advice. Thanks so so much for this info. I know i need more oomph and to 'bring it forward' but I don't really know what the bl**dy hell I'm doing with this sides of things yet. I will be picking yours and everyones else's brains in the recording section threads very soon. God help us all... haha.

Yes, i have a loose idea of some chorus harmonies already in my head. Just need to purchase said mic and also now sort out the fact I've almost entirely filled the memory on my computer (almost went pop) and now my phone too. Fantastico!

Thanks heaps for the info. This forum is brill
Caz

[Yodasdad]

I can't believe I'm actually about to post some advice on lyrics, I've got the poetic skills of a brick!

However...

The specific line you asked about,

'It'll come to a time when it comes to pass'

Might work better as

There'll come a time when all this will pass
                                        (this)
                                      (things)
                                         (It)
                                       (It all)
Just an idea.

Great work on the song so far though.

You've got a knack for this style.

Yodasdad.

[shadowfax]

I wouldn't worry about the lyrics, there's a post in the bar about terrible lyrics that just happen to have been incredibly successful..so chill with the lyrics.

[Cazrolina]

I can't believe I'm actually about to post some advice on lyrics, I've got the poetic skills of a brick!
However... The specific line you asked about,
'It'll come to a time when it comes to pass'

Might work better as
There'll come a time when all this will pass
                                        (this)
                                      (things)
                                         (It)
                                       (It all)
Just an idea.

Great work on the song so far though.
You've got a knack for this style.
Yodasdad.

Thanks Yodasdad. Try this I will. 
Yes, still toying with this line.  It does stick out. Will revisit all ideas when i come to rerecord and try out all the options. Thanks heaps. Force be with you

I wouldn't worry about the lyrics, there's a post in the bar about terrible lyrics that just happen to have been incredibly successful..so chill with the lyrics.

Hi Shadowfax. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm part chilled / part virgo - a laid back yet ridiculous perfectionist... So this could go either or indeed both ways.. lol.

Caz

[Deadwood]

Very impressed. Got a great groove and with a little bit of work (although I'm not entirely sure what!), this would be a quality track. Love your voice and I personally don't think you need to let rip.