[The Portrait Piano]

Hi All,

This one's a tad experimental, it's about wanting to shut out the world sometimes but end up being trapped in a cycle of self pity and cynicism.

Firstly, I want to know whether I've over done it with the mood to the extent that it's no longer enjoyable to listen to. Secondly, at the moment it's just piano/vocals...not sure what direction I should take this musically.


Thank you for listening

Law


https://soundcloud.com/theportraitpiano/depair


Depair

Verse 1
Walking up the same old path
The sun is shining and the cow is eating grass
I'm by myself writing on my hand
Songs in my head of things they said
A dried up lake will be full of death

I see a White Horse it's on the hill
The green and yellow fields are on a tilt
There's some people walking on the path
They seem to be having a laugh
They all smell like they need a very good bath

Chorus
Coming back I'm wasting time
Staying here decays my mind
It happens every blow
You drain my blood, break my bones
In my room I barricade
Bit by bit I rot away
Hide myself from all the voyeurs
Returning to despair

Verse 2
Watching TV in the night
Switch it off ‘cause I don’t see a think I like
Surfing on the net, searching for some truth
About this world I cannot find
A reason to believe in humankind

Visit London for a day
Thought it might be nice to go there for a change
Riding on the tube, seeing all the sights
Getting lost in sound feeling quite profound
Feel so alone yet also feel those all around

Chorus
Coming back I'm wasting time
Staying here decays my mind
It happens every blow
You drain my blood, break my bones
In my room I barricade
Bit by bit I rot away
Hide myself from all the voyeurs
Returning to despair

Bridge
Come go every place
Manic low off my face
I'd cry I'd dry impairs my sight
Screaming screeching singing for some quiet * 2

Chorus
Coming back I'm wasting time
Staying here decays my mind
It happens every blow
You drain my blood, break my bones
In my room I barricade
Bit by bit I rot away
Hide myself from all the voyeurs
Returning to despair

[mikek]

i find it challenging to give feedback on stylized material like this.  though this is not a genre that i gravitate toward, i am quite aware of tom waits, and while i don't want to pigeon hole your music, that is where my brain wants to put it.

the stylized vocal needs some work.  maybe start with EQ and try to accentuate some of the tonal points that make the vocal stand apart from the piano.  but i think it will require something more than EQ.  it needs to be cleaner.  there is a muddiness to the pronunciation that makes the closely stacked and quickly delivered words too difficult to embrace.

as far as instrumentation, i think the piano and vocal approach is fine, but i would like to hear bass guitar sort of abstractly painting its way through the landscape.  make sense?

[GuitarArt1980]

I like the rawness and simplicity of this. I would play with introducing some additional elements to add dimension - maybe parts with moody reverb in the background, etc. Overall, I think the song would benefit from being shortened, but it's hard for me to say that when the lyrics are obviously so personal.