[dinnerwithgreedo]

I think this is the first song i wrote. Not sure though (it was a loooong time ago). Definately the first after i decided to take writing songs more 'seriously'.

Enjoy

http://snd.sc/pyrU5s

Lyrics

Pretty girl can't you see
exactly what you do to me
but you don't
you look the other way
For a while stay with me
let me show how good it can be
but you don't
you look the other way

I've never been so in love
with anyone like this
it doesn't feel quite the same
can you explain why i love you

Video here:

[Paul]

Hi greedo,

At this point, I haven't finished listening to this song but I was compelled to grab my guitar and search for the notes A G A G B that I could hear in my head, quite clearly over the words 'look the other way.'  Hope you don't mind that greedo, you might want to try that melody or discard the idea without further thought as I know songwriting can be quite personal and suggestions aren't always welcome.

Now I've got that out of the way, back to the song.  I like the gentle build up of the intro which is of an excellent length.  The chord progression works well and it's a lovely snapshot of your feelings.  The backing vocals work well.  you might want to expand this song by writing an extra section, but there's no pressing need to do this as you've developed this song quite well using a limited number of sections.  

I really enjoyed this song, which is possibly one of my favourites of yours.

Great songwriting as always!

Paul

 

[cheff daniel]

yes very nice Greedo. i agree with Pablo that the vocals work very wel and i can hear that you have been a big Beatlefan.

gr.  Dan

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Thanks guys.

Pablo.... i can't figure out what you mean with that melody. Maybe i'm thick. Can you record yourself playing over it and send it to me at all?

[Paul]

Hi greedo,

I haven't had time to revisit your song yet so unfortunately I can't elaborate at the moment.  It's not imperative that you follow my suggestion.  There's nothing wrong with your own idea.  I simply mentioned the alternative vocal melody as it jumped out at me as I was listening. I hope that my suggestion hasn't caused offence.  I thought that perhaps you might want to try it.  My idea was based on the assumption that your guitar was tuned  to concert pitch as that is how my guitar was tuned at the time.  If that is the case, then it would be straight forward to substitute the melody that I suggested in place of the existing one.  If you would like, I'll get back to you as soon as I am able.


Paul 

[dinnerwithgreedo]

Pablo!!! I've not taken offence at all!!!

[Kafla]

That little chord change from the G is superb!