[CaliaMoko]

I'm considering this song for an EP together with "The Mark of the Chains", "The Ballad of the Maid of Innail" and probably one more, not yet selected/written.

Forever Together

I'm posting in Finished Songs because I am done with it, unless I am moved to make changes by any feedback. I know it's a terrible recording. That will be done over at some point, but that's for later. The song itself is written and that's what I'm looking for opinions on.

I'm looking for feedback on the words: There's no rhyming, does it work? The prosody is all wrong in some places, can I get away with it?) And how about the feel of the arrangement in general--the melody, the keyboard/flute sound, and how they all fit together. Also the background vocals--they don't sound good at the moment, but is that type of idea workable--if it was polished?

I'm trying to make it sort of Celtish sounding...did I succeed?

On this one I also decided to experiment a little with production in a very elementary sense. I added some reverb, EQ and compression. In that order. I probably should have done reverb last, right? Except for the reverb I used presets, and I didn't change any adjustments. Frankly, I can't hear the difference, except for a little of the reverb--the best reason in the world for me to have someone else take care of production! But if you can tell what I did and if you have any suggestions for improvement in that regard, I'd love to hear them. It wouldn't hurt me to learn a little bit about it.

Okay, now you know the questions I need answered, here's the lyric:

FOREVER TOGETHER

Give to me a rose before you walk away from me
Don't just vanish in the night as if you'd never existed
I will always love you and I'll ever be
True to you no matter how long I...

Have to wait for you to understand that you and I
Always will be truly bonded deep in our souls
I'll be waiting here for you when you come back to
Me and I will always love you

So I say to you good-bye and sweet travels
I'll be thinking ev'ry day about you
Yes, I say to you good-bye and come back to
Be with me forever together

INSTRUMENTAL

I'll be waiting here for you when you come back to
Me and I will always love you

So I say to you good-bye and sweet travels
I'll be thinking ev'ry day about you
Yes, I say to you good-bye and come back to
Be with me forever together

© 2017 Vicki Morrison


PS: I'm no particular fan of silly love songs, and I have no idea how this one got in my head, but I had to get rid of it, so there you go.

[ScottLevi]

Hey Vicki,

Massive smile on my face

I mean the intro to your thread was like a roller-coaster ride; firstly pitting it against those two in the EP makes excited, then no rhymes? Celtish sound?

I know you have the melody power to make no rhymes go unnoticed, so I read through before listening to see if anything felt off - and found myself confused at how it seemed to work (I'm a non-rhyme skeptic)

Nice melody sung flawlessly (to my ears anyway). Production wise there's definitely some work like you've mentioned but there's definitely the makings of a beautiful and enjoyable song.

The only thing I'm not sure on is how well it fits with the others on your EP.

Personally I'd turn the flute down a decent amount and (though my Celtish knowledge isn't great) think maybe keeping it going would add ambiance over the verses?

Enjoyable listen, but just needs a bit more going on for me to go against the high standards you've set.

Cheers,
Scott.

[CaliaMoko]

Thanks, Scott! I know it needs more work. I'm just trying to find out if I need to change directions altogether, or if I can work with what I have so far.

And I should have mentioned the Celtish idea with a little less emphasis. I'd like the song to sound influenced by the Celtish sound, but I wouldn't presume to be able to pull off a true Celtish tune.

I agree the flute sound is too loud; I'm still learning how to adjust sounds to they "melt" together better. I struggle to find the middle that isn't too loud or too soft.

Thanks for the feedback; it's very helpful.

Vicki

[boolio]

Hey Vicki,
That’s a really haunting vibe you have going on there, melodically complex (I think) and lyrically compelling…I would say that anyone who has ‘walked away’ from a relationship will be shifting uncomfortably in their seats after listening to this and it will cause them to ‘think’…However, I don’t know if that was really your intention here but I guess that’s the great thing about music, often the same vibe can be interpreted in many different ways.

Overall though I really ‘bought into’ this so I’m not sure I can add anything constructive to what I think is already a pretty complete song – that said maybe the production side of things may benefit from tweaking but I’m no expert there so anything I say may not be that helpful

Cheers Phil

[Jamie]

Hi Vicki , you sing it well and it's an intriguing construction! The lack of rhymes doesn't bother me and it comes across as a bit 'stream of consciousness'. The harmony backing vocals are different and change the feel of the song. I'm not a production guy so can't add too much other than to say it's very bare in terms of production and instrumentation. Didn't sound Celtic to me, it sounded more like a sea shanty! I didn't find the lead keyboard in the instrumental section that appealing in term it was too much like a harmonium which is not particularly Celtic, a whistle, flute, or harp might help?
Interesting!
Cheers
Jamie

[Morefrog Jones]

Whimsical and haunting - lovely vocals - thought provoking lyrical patterns - you wont be too surprised to hear its not quite my sort of thing but a lovely put together piece.

[shadowfax]

Doesn't seem like a silly love song to me and you shouldn't feel you need to apologize for writing a love song,  :)silly or not, there's a million successful loves songs out there!!
Lovely singing,
I prefer things to rhyme,
like the sort of Celtic feel though think it could've been done better..
production is a problem for all songwriters, unfortunately gone are the days when you could strum a song to someone..standards are high now...
just keep at it and you'll get better...

best, Kevin

[Skub]

Hey Vicki.

If it's a folky feel you are after,the software instrument/flute thang is playing suitable notes,but the imitation tone sits awkwardly with the natural sound of the acoustic guitar. I get what you are after,but even if a guitar were playing the same notes,or another acoustic instrument,it would be more authentic.

I think there may be quite a bit of compression on your vocals,they do seem a bit squashed.

I don't mind the lack of rhyme,I think we get hung up on that too much and see it as a necessity,it's sometimes refreshing just to say what we mean,rather than having to 'match words'.

The other tracks you've completed with Boydie have worked well,I'd say this would too. 

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Vicki. At first I could just picture this song wafting out of a bar on the Montmartre late at night. Then I had visions of Elvis singing it in one of his films. It's a lovely love song and your voice sounds as good as ever but I had to say I found the harmonium sound a bit overwhelming. I did like your harmonies and thought they were well thought out. Good stuff Vicki

[tina m]

well I read the lyrics while listening to the song  & my first thought was this doesnt work
so I started the song again but not reading the lyric ...& quickly decided it did work that way &  its  realy good ...i loved the harmonies
I know you were going for a celtic sound but I heard it as a French torch song & the  keyboard sound reminded me of one of those french accordions they have there & gave the song a real  romantic parisian vibe... I could imagine you singing this for your lover  in the latin quarter while smoking endless gitanes 

I think the guitar needs to be louder & I would definitely accentuate the parisian vibe by choosing a more accordion like sound

[CaliaMoko]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is all so helpful! Succinctly, the wailing sound is out unless I make it sound different--how different depends on exactly what end result is desired; lyrics are better when they rhyme, but for not rhyming, these are pretty okay; the melody works and the harmonies fit.

The "stream of consciousness" remark is spot on. That's how I wrote it. In fact, my idea was that I would spew out the ideas quickly, then go back and make them into a lyric. Well, once I had them, I could never figure out how to whip them into shape as a proper lyric, so I just left them. That's why there's no rhyme and the prosody is so, umm, lacking.

Anyway, I totally appreciate all the helpful comments.

[Lejonhjarta]

This tune is haunting! Sounds like something a mum would sing to her children to get them to sleep. Cozy vibrato on your voice too! Very cool.

[mickyplankton]

Hi Calio.

I think its a good song but it seems like you are going for a Celtic vibe so it should be ethereal. As Scott has said the flute is too high in the mix. So much so in my opinion that it jarrs against the lovely vocals and guitar. I think if you bring down the flute to the right level you will have a very fine song indeed.

Thanks,

Micky.

[TimCurtis]

This is a really lovely song, really liked the feel of it, the chord progression, the melody, the backing vocals.

But for me I thought the mix was out - the guitar is too quiet and the main vocal's a bit too loud.  Also, adding a bit of reverb to the flute would push it into the background a bit and perhaps give it more of a haunting feeling.  I'd love to hear an update if you do one.

[Morefrog Jones]

This one is really growing on me - on my fourth listen - sounds like a Lullaby - I could play it to my young family members to send them to sleep - Sounds really old like it should be an old 78 Record crackling away or from an old Disney film from the 1930/40's - Agree that the instruments do sound synthetic and spoil it a bit - but thats not the writers fault...really lovely and chilling.