[Jambrains]

Yep, the (good!) vocals need to come up, it is a bit buried behind the (very nice) guitar picking. But there is also a slight problem with that nice picking: it never really change (except for the small instrumental interludes e.g. at 2.20), it goes on and on and no matter how nice it is it gets a little monotonous after a while. I would have loved if you for one verse had somehow changed the guitar, perhaps just a very basic stumming, perheps even just ringing chords at each chord change. Still a very good song and performance and it could very well be that I'm just have a too short attention span for 1+1 songs 

[PTCruiser1801]

Hi all,

Sorry I have been away from the forums for a few weeks...

I just want to say a HUGE thanks to everyone who listened and commented on this song...it is one that has really grown on me and I look forward to working on it more in the future, taking on your valuable advice and taking it to the next level.

I really appreciate you all taking the time out of busy schedules and days to give me a few minutes of your time...I am truly grateful.

Thanks,

Paul

[Paulski]

Hey Paul

So this is where a song becomes an artform.
I can't critique something that grabs me by the heart and won't let go.
Top songwriting and performing IMHO.

PS - love the slow-downs at the end 

Paul

[IronKnee]

Hey there PT...........love the folk genre. Great guitar work in the style I appreciate.
Good songwriting. This could use a harmonica.....if you don't have one, you can find them on Ebay and Amazon...or, your local music store 
Good stuff!!
                                     -Tom

[PTCruiser1801]

Paul,

Thanks so much for this comment. It means so much to hear that!


Tom- Great suggestion on the harmonica! I've just started playing with a band recently and have been dabbling in some harmonica so that's definitely worth a shot! Cheers:)

[JoaquinAnton]

Hi Paul,

This is an excellent song. It is very moving and well crafted. The fingerpicking sounds beautiful and the vocals suit well the mood of the song. Talking about lyrics, I think they narrate the story very well and serve the main message of the song. I enjoyed the change of perspective in the second chorus. Very good job!

If you allow me some constructive criticism about the lyric rhythm, some words seem to be stretched too long from my point of view:
- "Me" in "Fills me with dread". It'd be more natural to me to do: "Fills me" (short silence) "with dread".
- "Were" in "You know you were the one". Again I'd do "You know you were" (short silence) "the one"
- The line "What's going on in your head" seems a little bit rushed. I'd break it into "What's going on" (short silence) "in your head".

I'd also like to hear how the chorus sounds if you add a second voice (a falsetto or a female voice).

Once again, great song! 
Cheers,
Joaquin

[CaliaMoko]

I don't have anything original to add to all the great feedback you've already gotten, but I wanted you to know I've listened a few times and I like it a lot. It does such a good job conveying your message, and it's a beautiful piece of work.