[exfairy]

Song I literally just wrote right now. Would really love some generic feedback. My main worries are the lyrics being too weird/cheesy and the melody being too familiar... I've only done 2 verses and a chorus so far but it'd be nice to get some feedback as I go?

(also poor quality vid sorry - i let my mic to a girl on my course and my phone's saying I have no memory so I had to use the webcam on my laptop)
Link:

&feature=youtu.be

Lyrics:
It's a sunny day/ things will go my way/ and even if they don't/ I'll keep marching on/ I'm going to get up and go for a run/ and my 12 pm I'll have my work done and even if I don't/ I'll keep marching on
Cos there's no point in holding a grudge or trying to get up and go for a run/ when you mind is in a different place/ and you feel as though you're in outer space/ so take care of your heart your hands and mind/ give them each some quality time/ cos i know we can make it through/ and there will be hope for me and you
You might have some bills to pay/ or a 10000 word essay due in 2 days/ but if it all falls down/ just keep marching on/ I'm not saying just forget and be lazy/ I'm just saying life can be crazy/ and if it all falls down/ just keep marching on/
Cos there's no point in holding a grudge or trying to get up and go for a run/ when you mind is in a different place/ and you feel as though you're in outer space/ so take care of your heart your hands and mind/ give them each some quality time/ cos i know we can make it through/ and there will be hope for me and you

[Martinswede]

Hi exfairy!

For being an uptempo pop song I think the lyrics works good.
You seem to have a fluid structure with the phrases, some are
a bit longer than others but it works.
I have no direct input concerning the lyrics. Their, for the genre,
alright. A third verse might be needed to add a bit more to the story.

I like the hand clap like percussive sound of the ukulele.
I'm a bit bothered by the stops/missed chord/notes that
immediately takes me out of the feel of the song. A re recording
can easily fix that so its not an argument against your song.

I can not stress the fact enough that the lyrics are hard to read when
you use dashes instead of skipping to the next line. Confusion may
result. Again nothing against the song just something that makes the
experience a bit less smooth.

Cheers,
- Martin

[exfairy]

Hi exfairy!

For being an uptempo pop song I think the lyrics works good.
You seem to have a fluid structure with the phrases, some are
a bit longer than others but it works.
I have no direct input concerning the lyrics. Their, for the genre,
alright. A third verse might be needed to add a bit more to the story.

I like the hand clap like percussive sound of the ukulele.
I'm a bit bothered by the stops/missed chord/notes that
immediately takes me out of the feel of the song. A re recording
can easily fix that so its not an argument against your song.

I can not stress the fact enough that the lyrics are hard to read when
you use dashes instead of skipping to the next line. Confusion may
result. Again nothing against the song just something that makes the
experience a bit less smooth.

Cheers,
- Martin

Hey thanks Martin! Yeah this is just a really rough recording of an idea I had and was wondering whether it was worth developing what I had. Well I'm excited to have a new song in the works now!
Also sorry for the lyrics - it's just how I've always written lyrics! I'll be aware for next time.
Thanks

[exfairy]

If anyone's interested I attempted to finish it:
https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/me-and-you-working-title

I also changed the title.

[Martinswede]

Hi again!

What a great improvement!
I like the new title and the whole song, in lack of a better word, floats on a lot better.
Have you listed to the artist Hello Saferide? I see quiet a few similarities. If not give her a listen.

The harmonies are really effectfull but you should cut some eq at about 800-1200 to lessen the mids a bit.

Nice bridge by the way. Maybe even some higher hamonies there?

Cheeres,
- Martin

[exfairy]

Hi again!

What a great improvement!
I like the new title and the whole song, in lack of a better word, floats on a lot better.
Have you listed to the artist Hello Saferide? I see quiet a few similarities. If not give her a listen.

The harmonies are really effectfull but you should cut some eq at about 800-1200 to lessen the mids a bit.

Nice bridge by the way. Maybe even some higher hamonies there?

Cheeres,
- Martin

Thanks The first one was more of ideas video.
I'll check that out. And er... tech newbie - what is and how do I do eq?

[Martinswede]

Hi!

Eq, yes. It is the procedure of changing the volume of the frequencies
in a sound (source). Bass, middle and treble easily spoken.
What program are you using for recording?
Do you add reverb to you songs in the computer?
If so you already use some kind of plug in.

I use Studio One and its eq is real easy to understand. You just tweak
the 'curve' where a change is needed.

I'm no expert on the topic. You might find good instructions on youtube.

All the best,
- Martin