[Skub]

Here's another song for y'all,feel free to comment/criticise all aspects from lyrics to production.

The initial remit for the song came from Fiona,she wanted a song outlining how a child from a less than stable home,who feels worthless and unloveable,discovers she has a friend who doesn't judge by appearances.

The song is meant to be sung by two characters,but at the moment I don't have another character,so you'll have to use yer imagination..even if it hurts a bit.  To help the daft or those with a limited attention span (hi Martyn) One character is in red and the other in blue. It probably won't cheer you up much. (sorry Tina)

Fill yer boots. 

https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/two-hearts

Time goes by so slowly
It hangs like the clock on the wall
The hands seem to stay
The same time all day
Barely moving at all

Alone in this room full of people
Alone,just a face in the crowd
Friends,it would seem
Are part of a team
A club where I'm not allowed

Don't you pay any heed,girl
Don't listen to what you are called
They look at your clothes
But none of them know
What's really important at all

So come take my hand
Together we stand
Two hearts beating as one

Father,he's always drinking
My mother could stand it no more
Nothing to eat
No love or no heat
She left in the clothes she wore

No one ought to go hungry
Nobody should be cold
Not afraid of the night
Nor ashamed in the light
No one should be alone

So come take my hand
Together we stand
Two hearts beating as one

[CaliaMoko]

For me, this is very effective; I think the words are excellent. The melody seems to suit the feel of the topic quite well, although, for some reason I was wanting the melody to do something a little different. I don't know what, though, and it's probably just me, anyway.

One suggestion I have, only to make the song singable by anyone, is to change the word "girl" maybe to "child"? Then the gender of neither singer would matter.

A very meaningful piece. I like it.

Vicki

[pompeyjazz]

A wonderfully moving piece Skub. Simple yet so effective with a Celtic feel. I think the simplicity here is the key. What to leave out rather than what to put in. Loved the harmonies when they come in and the guitar work is excellent. Top notch stuff

[rightly]

yes, very nice job, skub.
touching
keeping it simple makes it powerful.

I also think changing "girl" to "child" would be better.
less distraction that way.

Thanks for posting!

[rightly]

got home n gave it another listen.

A real love song

 

[danieltrigger]

Liked it a lot. When I'm in the right frame of mind, I really enjoy this type of 'sparsely arranged' country-esque music. Very effective!

[tina m]

I didnt click with the lyric until I realised the girl was at school & then I could relate to it...moving house & having to start again at a new school & be a outsider..
I can immediately see how it will fit in with your bands sound & the subjects you seem to tackle & will sound lovely with Fionas voice
& it finishes with some of your super trademark guitaring at the end tho it sounded a bit unfinished like the song at the moment
the lyrics & the music totally compliment each other & combine to make it very emotional & sad

do people actually come to your gigs to cry??  

[shadowfax]

Lovely song all round!..like the guitar, sensitively produced...

best, Kevin

[Jamie]

Hi Skub, sensitively produced and delivered song. Loved the delicate melody and harmonies. It had a lilting Celtic feel to it and the guitar picking was nicely judged with a lovely guitar solo outro. Was this one of your Logic Pro productions? If so, well done!
Excellent!
Cheers
Jamie

[Bill Saunders]

Another song of yours I really dig. The lyrics are excellent - what a great idea for a song! The harmonies are spot on and I love the way the guitar follows the voice in parts. I know you have allegedly (!) been looking for help with production technique, but I honestly think you've nailed it. Another one I wish I'd written and recorded myself!

[adamfarr]

There's something really simple and universal about this - I like the way you don't really set up the story and just let it become apparent. Time "hanging like a clock" is really a great line too.

[ScottLevi]

Firstly, I always read the lyrics before listening and these stood out as particularly exceptional in my opinion. It just feels great when such a great and real story can be told whilst maintaining effortless rhythm and rhymes.

Thumbs up to Fiona for great direction.

Then the implementation; such emotion to do it justice. Really touched me - so sterling effort in my books.

Hope you keep us updated if you find a second vocalist.

Thanks for sharing!

Cheers,
Scott.

[Martinswede]

Hello!
I join in the praise. Great guitar!
I get a 'Boots of spanish leather' feel from your song.
My criticism concerns the arrangement I think the drums should enter at
Don't you pay any heed,girl and end at Father,he's always drinking
and reenter at No one ought to go hungry. The blue and the red.
It would give the song a bit more change. Me myself is very bad at it
so that's as far as my suggestion goes. Oh wait the harmonies at the end.
They are beautiful use them the first chorus too. And repeat the last chorus before
the guitar ends it.

Best regards,
- Martin

[PaulAds]

Hi Skub

Lovely sentiments...

I love your guitar work...it's always really tasteful...

The drums weren't what I was expecting, somehow...but once they were in, I thought I'd maybe have brought them in earlier...and used a fuller arrangement from the off...just a thought...it's lovely as it is though.

Production-wise it's a very well recorded, big, clean sound that supports the story really well.

Very nice indeed 

[Skub]

CaliaMoko

Excellent suggestion on the 'girl/child' choice,Vicki. I dare say there will be more than one version of this song! This is the second song I've changed a lyric because of your input. Keep it up. 

Pompeyjazz

Cheers John,I'm glad it touched you. 

Rightly

Thank ya muchly,Rightly. 

danieltrigger

I try so hard not to be country DT,but I guess what's inya comes out. 

tinam

I'm glad you suffered a listen Tina,balances out all that positivity you have. 
You're probably right,it is an unfinished piece and a test of the water. Xmas and me having my head up my arris learning a daw have meant we haven't done any recording for months.

shadowfax

Thanks Kev,I'm happy you didn't point out any glaring inadequecies in the production...sometimes my ears get tired and I stop fiddling.