First of all... thank you for reviewing other people's work before posting. So many folks come here and don't.
Secondly.... Here are some suggestions.
BRIDGE TO IN (because it only has two lines and would need five to match your other verses)
The first time I saw you was I remember when I met you at a party with friends
I fell in love
and told myself said to myself the this night must never end
The above changes were because no matter how I sang this, I couldn't fit all your syllables in. My changes are just place holders... VERSE 1:
Your hazel eyes
was were sparkling in the lights
I think about them when I have those nights
But then you said let's just be friends
I said okay but my mind said this is the end.
GREAT VERSEI said okay, but my mind said this is the end.
(added because the second verse has one more line than the first and third)CHORUS:
No one can replace you in my heart and
my mind
You are beautiful just one of a kind
Girl I know that you don't feel the same
And I know that you are not the one to blame
Baby I still love you and I always will
And every time i see you my world stands still.
You will need to add drama here with the music because this isn't quite as dramatic as some of your verses. . . and it needs to be.
VERSE 2:
As time goes on it
still hurts my heart
to when I think of you
But I can't stop no matter what I do
I see you every day and think of us
My dreams at night are a happy place to be just because
But again you said let's just be friends
CHORUS:
No one can replace you in my heart and
my mind
You are beautiful just one of a kind
Girl I know that you don't feel the same
And I know that you are not the one to blame
Baby I still love you and I always will
And every time i see you my world stands still
VERSE 3:
If we could try again
I know it would be great I wouldn't hesitate.I had a feeling, we would be great
But dream are just that I know it's only dreamin
and but I'll dream
untill the end
But
a one last time you said let's just be friends
CHORUS:
No one can replace you in my heart and
my mind
You are beautiful just one of a kind
Girl I know that you don't feel the same
And I know that you are not the one to blame
Baby I still love you and I always will
And every time i see you my world stands still
Most of the changes I've suggested were to help your lyric "flow" and "sing". It's a nice lyric. . . and if you wrote it to a vocal melody that works. . . then I'm wrong about the flow. Sometimes there is a flow that's hard to discern without the music. Defining your bridges, verses and choruses helps us to critique you by letting us understand how you perceive the song being performed.
Good luck, and welcome to the forum.
