Wonder Where You Go

  • 10 Replies
  • 1919 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

kevysc

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 955
  • I'm Working from Memory
    • Your Song Contest
« on: December 06, 2016, 01:13:36 PM »
https://www.reverbnation.com/kevinism/song/27052040-wonder-where-you-go


I used to commute daily via the DART train in Dublin into the city center. Often, you would see the same faces day in day out, but never get to know anything about them: despite being among the crowds, it felt like a lonely place. This song was inspired by that experience. I'd love to get some feedback ...

Wonder Where You Go

It's 8 am, the train's on time
It's getting colder these mornings now
The train is full so we have to stand
Hold on to something in case you fall

Chorus

I see you sitting quietly there
With your headphones on
Absorbed (lost) in your own world
I wonder where you go

It's hard to say but I think you're kind
You look like someone I used to know
You tilt your head and you start to smile
It must be something on your radio

Chorus

So many people who come and go
So many faces to see and some
that you can't let go ....
And wonder about the stories they hold

The train pulls in it's your stop here
So you pick up your bags and start to leave
So many things I'd like to say
And in a moment you've walked away

You disappeared in the morning rush
With your headphones on
Absorbed in your own world
I wonder where you do

It's 8 am the train's on time
It's getting colder these mornings now

pompeyjazz

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 5668
  • pompeyjazz
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2016, 01:53:38 PM »
Hi Kev, Like the chord progression and melody and clever backing vocals on this. The lyrics are interesting as well. My only minor criticism would be that the lead vocal seems a bit isolated in the mix. I wonder if it might benefit from some subtle effect. Maybe a touch of reverb or delay. Overall though I think it's a very good song and I'm enjoying your submissions. Keep up the good work  :)

John

MartynRich

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1110
    • Personal website
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2016, 05:48:29 PM »
This is kind of like Bowie meeting a theatre musical. I think its a really interesting song with a good storyline. Some of the chord sequences are interesting and the arrangement does sound a little out of the 70s. I think it would sound even better with a fuller production but the song itself is a good one. Im not sure about all the stops in the verses, maybe that could be varied slightly, but this is minor. Really nice work.

Jamie

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3144
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2016, 09:57:08 AM »
Hi, I like the chord structures and I get a bit of a Bowie vibe, maybe it's the acoustic guitar chords and the singing style. For me the arrangement is a bit 'in between'. By that I mean it sounds as if it's part recorded and is waiting on bass and drums, and maybe some keys to fill in. Good song and your vocal strengthens as the song goes on.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie

tina m

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2303
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2016, 11:27:19 PM »
I thought it was a bit strange when your voice suddenly got louder on lines 2 & 4 of the verses?...it made me jump! So I guess it was meant to be someone else on the train?
& I got that feeling with the backing vocals at times like they were from another conversation on the train speaking at the same time as you?
I liked the way the lyric started & ended with the same lines like the story was a little out of the ordinary experience that happened one day & then every thing went back to being normal again
so that was all quite clever .....but now i bet youll tell me i was imagining it all!  ;D

 I liked the way the song didnt have drums aswell which is unusual for me
I loved the strings like a bit of chamber pop from a old  record from the 1970s they gave the song a lovely vintage feel
you have quite a original style  :)
Tell me Im wonderful & I ll be nice to you :)

adamfarr

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3166
    • SongEspresso
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2016, 09:29:31 AM »
Nice orginal take on a familiar situation and nice way to get inside someone's head and hear their thoughts.

The verse melody is quite repetitive but I guess that's commuting, right!

I might have liked the chorus to "resolve" a bit more - Perhaps repeating the title at the end would round it off nicely?

But I think all the production ideas worked well and it's a really good piece.

kevysc

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 955
  • I'm Working from Memory
    • Your Song Contest
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2016, 01:09:04 AM »
Many thanks to everyone for the positive and constructive feedback.

I am a big Bowie fan, so very glad to get the references! (For anyone who is a real Bowie nerd, you will know that many of his very early songs narrated stories in a style not unlike this one.) 

I am going through a bit of an acoustic phase at the moment and hence the lack of drums: I might record "rockier" versions at a later stage.

Thanks also for the comments on the lyrics (Tinam, you were right about most things!).

I will play around with it a little more and post an updated version at some stage ...

Kevin



Bill Saunders

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 548
    • https://soundcloud.com/bill-saunders
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2016, 07:47:29 PM »
Hi Kevin

Great idea for a lyric. Bet you don't miss the daily commute, it took me back to when I did Brighton to London in the mid-80s...many people will connect with the message which you've portrayed eloquently.

The interleaving vocals and acoustic guitars are great, and I like the stripped back feel. I think that a little reverb would make the vocals sit better in the mix.

Thorough enjoyed listening.

Bill

Wolfini

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 328
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2016, 08:57:39 PM »
Hi Kev!

This is a great topic for a song, and your lyrics create very clear images in my head. I almost got the impression that this was a hidden lovesong, as if the singer is attracted to the other person ... but the expected happy end will not happen, as is the case so often in real life... ;-)

I also get the 70ies and Bowies vibe, and agree that piling some reverb on here might help to make everything sound a bit bigger. But those are just suggestions.

Bye Wolfi
Finished albums: wolfgangn.bandcamp.com
Recent songs: soundclick.com/wolfini

Skub

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3660
    • Soundcloud
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2016, 08:45:51 PM »
Yo Kev.

Love your voice,reminiscent of Robert Smith or the singer from Gnidrolog. Very expressive and emotive. Quite a Beatlish yet early Peter Gabriel Genesis/Bowie influencing writing.

Distinctive and individual,things a fair few well known folk would kill for.

Very interesting.  :)


Paulski

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 4417
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2016, 01:50:36 AM »
Hi Kev

Nice song - and I liked the spacious mix - your vocal sounds great in this.
I much prefered the verses to the chorus - the chorus didn't rhyme enough for me - but prob just me.

Good work - I enjoyed the listen!
Paul