[RothenborgLopez]

Hi again!

Here's another song for our songwriting diary. This one is already uploaded on Youtube so for this song we can't take your feedback and fix the song as we did to some extent with our previous posts here. Still really want a review though! Both on production and the song.

And it would be much appreciated to get feedback on the whole concept of this songwriting diary we're doing. Is it boring? Does it work? How could it be more interesting? Does one understand what it is about? Does one get the concept at all? This is something we're modifying and creating as we go right now, and constructive feedback would be gold. We know this might be the wrong forum for such feedback, but why not give it a try!

Thanks a lot for listening! <3

(lyrics subtitled in the video)

But here they are anyway:

I got lost inside
a good looking place I'd come along
In time I'll find a safe place to break to clear this mind
Rewind, so blind, it just took some years to realize
So I'll seek, I'll grind, I got mine, I got all the time

I got mine and all the time
I got mine

It's time, do not stop the rhyme
Just keep humming to find what's there for you
It's about time you wrote your line down
We've got time, we've got all the time

Keep it simple but we're moving real fast
Keep it simple gotta make this mood last
On a rhythm when we're beatin' so close
Found our secret and nobody knows

Yeah nobody knows




/R&L

[pompeyjazz]

Hi - It's got a modern feel to it and well played and produced. The song itself if I'm being totally honest seems a bit one directional with the repetitive phrases. Not that that is a particularly bad thing in some cases. Of course, that's just my opinion so please feel free to ignore 

[kevysc]

I like the song, it has a nice commercial feel to it and the guitar playing, singing and production are first rate (although the lyrics don't add much).

Not sure the diary thing works, I found it a little distracting, but maybe others feel differently.

Best of luck with it,

Kevin

[Max Adam]

Hi - It`s my first time on this forum. I'm sorry about my english, i'm from Chile. I liked the introspective feel that the melody and harmony brings. Being totally honest and respectfull, the Pre-chorus it's my favorite part, cause it play whit long and rhythmic notes, first half -> Wooooh / Second half -> I got mine n`all the time. It is comfortably listening.

Through "commercial" view, i think that the fact that chorus starts on 1:30 could be a bit "long road" to arrive to chorus. On my personal opinion the line on chorus: "Just keep humming to find what's there for you" the rhythmic figures are a little bit non-regular, it conveys an disorder idea that difficult the memorization of that verse on the chorus. I would recommend accurate the rhythmic figures on that line in order to simplify the listening.

About first verse, i liked too, no more than pre-chorus haha, but i liked too.
That`s my constructive opinion, feel free to consider
Hej do!

[jacksimmons]

I really like this. You have a nice melody & professional production etc. It's for this reason that I'm gonna be super super picky and focus on minute details you might want to consider changing.

1) After the verse first, on the "I got mine and all the time" section, I think you'd benefit from not repeating the line. It's a slower part, music-wise and vocal-wise, and when by the time it repeats I felt like I'd been pulled from the main flow of the song for a bit too long. Once is enough because it's not a super, super interesting part.

2) My favourite melody line in the whole song is directly after this, the first thing that the male sings. However, the way you stretch out the second line doesn't sit right with my ears and detracts from the bit. "You" is hung on for two syllables, and it's odd listening.

3) The way that the line "Yeah nobody knows" trails off, it's like an after thought. I think you could work on making this fit a little bit, cause right now it's the weakest part of the song for me, certainly.

I love the pretty acoustic guitars. I love how it's the two of you working on this together and your personalities both come through in your parts. I love the bursts of harmony in the verses. Like I said, this is close to being a perfect little folk-pop song.

[fischermans]

Very commercial song with clear and polished recording although I was wondering if the voice sometimes is not enough in front. Like the lyrics and both voices.Well done.
Alexander

[Boydie]

The "diary concept" thing was a bit lost on me - I just wanted the song to start

I like the song and it has a great feel

I do think the song could be distilled down a bit to just keep the really good bits

The drums are lacking a bit of "punch" for a modern song - it is like there is a blanket over them

If you are aiming for commercial success I would suggest a focused re-write to really nail the best bits of the song - and there are some great bits

[RothenborgLopez]

Hi - It's got a modern feel to it and well played and produced. The song itself if I'm being totally honest seems a bit one directional with the repetitive phrases. Not that that is a particularly bad thing in some cases. Of course, that's just my opinion so please feel free to ignore 

Thanks for your feedback!

I like the song, it has a nice commercial feel to it and the guitar playing, singing and production are first rate (although the lyrics don't add much).

Not sure the diary thing works, I found it a little distracting, but maybe others feel differently.

Best of luck with it,

Kevin

Thanks Kevin!

Hi - It`s my first time on this forum. I'm sorry about my english, i'm from Chile. I liked the introspective feel that the melody and harmony brings. Being totally honest and respectfull, the Pre-chorus it's my favorite part, cause it play whit long and rhythmic notes, first half -> Wooooh / Second half -> I got mine n`all the time. It is comfortably listening.

Through "commercial" view, i think that the fact that chorus starts on 1:30 could be a bit "long road" to arrive to chorus. On my personal opinion the line on chorus: "Just keep humming to find what's there for you" the rhythmic figures are a little bit non-regular, it conveys an disorder idea that difficult the memorization of that verse on the chorus. I would recommend accurate the rhythmic figures on that line in order to simplify the listening.

About first verse, i liked too, no more than pre-chorus haha, but i liked too.
That`s my constructive opinion, feel free to consider
Hej do!

Muchas gracias por un long and detailed feedback response! :-)

I really like this. You have a nice melody & professional production etc. It's for this reason that I'm gonna be super super picky and focus on minute details you might want to consider changing.

1) After the verse first, on the "I got mine and all the time" section, I think you'd benefit from not repeating the line. It's a slower part, music-wise and vocal-wise, and when by the time it repeats I felt like I'd been pulled from the main flow of the song for a bit too long. Once is enough because it's not a super, super interesting part.

2) My favourite melody line in the whole song is directly after this, the first thing that the male sings. However, the way you stretch out the second line doesn't sit right with my ears and detracts from the bit. "You" is hung on for two syllables, and it's odd listening.

3) The way that the line "Yeah nobody knows" trails off, it's like an after thought. I think you could work on making this fit a little bit, cause right now it's the weakest part of the song for me, certainly.

I love the pretty acoustic guitars. I love how it's the two of you working on this together and your personalities both come through in your parts. I love the bursts of harmony in the verses. Like I said, this is close to being a perfect little folk-pop song.

Thanks a lot for your feedback Jack!

Very commercial song with clear and polished recording although I was wondering if the voice sometimes is not enough in front. Like the lyrics and both voices.Well done.
Alexander

Thanks for your input!

The "diary concept" thing was a bit lost on me - I just wanted the song to start

I like the song and it has a great feel

I do think the song could be distilled down a bit to just keep the really good bits

The drums are lacking a bit of "punch" for a modern song - it is like there is a blanket over them

If you are aiming for commercial success I would suggest a focused re-write to really nail the best bits of the song - and there are some great bits

Thanks a lot for your feedback Boydie!

[adamfarr]

Hi Guys - lovely guitar feel to this one, which I think carries the song. I preferred the female vocal to the male vocal - perhaps this one could have had a double female vocal also in the BVs to gel together a bit more?

I do like a good lyric. And here I did appreciate the hip-hop style playfulness with sounds and multiple and internal rhymes. However, I couldn't really latch on to any particular meaning to take away - even with the explanation at the end. I think the song could be stronger with a bit more clarity on that, sorry!

Re the diary I think you have some really nice filming ideas and the editing and production is great. I'd be tempted to leave it as a music video rather than a diary, though. If I were to make a songwriting diary then it would be 80% of me repeating and deleting bad takes and 20% of me crying over my DAW at 3 in the morning trying to rescue something out of mysterious strange sounds...

Hope not too negative, just not your strongest song I think.

[RothenborgLopez]

Thanks guys for your feedback! Really appreciate it!