[Yodasdad]

Well here's one that I never thought would end up on here.

I finished it as a piano sketch about a year ago and filed it in my 'naff' folder. A couple of months ago I had the chorus to a song stuck in my head and eventually I realised I'd written it, it was my naff song!

I decided that it might have merit so I've written a new middle 8 and had another go at it, I'm still not sure but here it is anyway.

https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/baby-2016-m-blair

There are a couple of production issues I'm not happy with but I've had to cut myself off from working on it any more for now. I'll go back to it at some point when other ideas have had a look in.

All comments welcome.

Baby - © M Blair

Verse

Every time I see you It hurts me inside...coz
you give off a coldness your eyes just can't hide
Do you really want me or are you just playing games.

Verse

When i touch your body I feel you withdraw...and
Any time I kiss you you never want more
I can't help but want you but do you still feel the same

Bridge

When your near me I start burnin up my body's on fire, and I think I like it
But do you feel the heat do I ignite your body and and mind won'y you tell me tell me

Chorus

Baby, are you thinking bout me lately baby
Or are you calling someone else
Baby don't you know it's driving me crazy
Are you leadin me on

Verse

If you dont want me just be straight with me please...coz
I'm really struggling with the signals recieved
You say you love me but there's something that's just not right

Verse

Are you spending time with somebody else...and
When your with me are you thinkin of them
If Im wrong then why won't you put up a fight.

Middle 8

When it all breaks down, when i’m not around don’t you tell me your lonely
we’ve both made mistakes but baby all it takes is just a second to phone me
just stop playing games, before it gets to late
I’ll forgive it all, it can be like before but I’m not gonna wait   

[CaliaMoko]

I didn't care for this at first. I was probably going into the listen with a bias because it's named "Baby" and there's lots of "babies" in it--not my favorite word for songs.

By the end, however, it kinda sucked me in...the sound is catchy and appealing. That doesn't mean I actually like the words, but that's a personal bias so somewhat irrelevant.

I do think there are a couple places that could be improved. One is the line "I'm really struggling with the signals received." The singer is the one receiving the signals and I think the phrase "the signals received" is too vague and passive.

The other is the last verse, in which the first two lines do not rhyme, but they do in all other verses, so it's inconsistent, which really itches my OCD....

That's all I have. I'll probably be listening again, because I can't get that catchy tune out of my head....argh!

Vicki

PS: I need to add a little to this--I think the melody and the rhythm are great! I like the way you worked out the timing to the lines and how you fit the words in. Really cool.

[ScottLevi]

I had the chorus to a song stuck in my head and eventually I realised I'd written it

Aha fantastic! And I can see why, what a catchy chorus it is. I'm not really a fan of this type of music but it's too much of a rewarding listen to walk away from.

If I heard this on the radio (and it feels like a radio hit) I wouldn't admit to liking it aha, kinda guilty pleasure music I'll have it dancing around my head all day with a smile on my face.

[Skub]

Yo Yodasdad.

It's quite a modern sounding song,I can hear it given the Avicii treatment,could be a monster dance track. I like your voice,it's strong,confident and has a good range.

Catchy,current pop,you got it kiddo. 

[tina m]

it was catchy but a bit corny ...ok the lyrics were very corny
I cant hear about people igniting & bodys burning when they touch without flinching & thinking omg that sounds nasty!
but you were obviously trying to write a pop song & I think it would sound better in a modern pop/dance music setting as it certainly is a earworm
the vocals were a little bit weak in places ...which im only mentioning bcos I was struck by how your voice realy takes off when you sing the loud bits..i mean that middle 8 was awesome &the best bit of the song & your voice was terrific ...but in the softer bits you sound quite hesitant which must be the opposite of most peoples singing
hope I havent been too negative 

[shadowfax]

Lyrics are totally acceptable for a pop song..the majotaty of peeps out there are not intereted in wether there is a particular story or not..just the vibe, beat, tune, and a catchy chorus..

well done mate..

[Jamie]

Hi, thanks agree with others comments that it has a modern vibe and it would benefit from an 'Avicii' type backing track. Wouldn't necessarily be my thing but then most of the current hits don't scratch my musical itch! I could hear it on the radio if it had the 'modern' treatment!
Cheers
Jamie

[diademgrove]

I like this, you are right its catchy. I have a couple of niggles though. I'd put a stop after the end of the chorus to allow the questions to sink in. Currently it sounds like you're not really bothered about the answered as you rush into the verses/middle 8.

I also think the bridge is a bit rushed as well. In my head I hear it as

When you're near me(gap)
I start burning up (gap)
my bodies on fire (gap)
I think I like it (gap)
Do you feel the heat (gap)
do I ignite your body.... and mind
won't you tell me, tell me

The only other nitty point is in the chorus I'd prefer "you" in line three to "its".

Quite a lot of words for so few tweaks. I really like the song so feel free to ignore me if you disagree with my suggestions.
Keith

[adamfarr]

Great catchy chorus - I also think your voice sounds better when you push the volume and the high notes. It does sound like the unplugged version of a dance track (a bit like the ones Taio Cruz did).
Overally I really like it, that melody stands out. Would also like to hear the dance version!

[MartynRich]

Martin, this is fantastically catchy. A great pop tune with plenty going for it. I don´t agree with some of the comments about the lyrics...I think they matter a little and I´m wondering if there are too many "baby´s" in this one. But apart from that this has everything. You really have a great sense of pop craft and I think it´s gonna serve you well. Great stuff indeed.

[pompeyjazz]

Yo Yo Yo Yoda. This is super catchy. Singalong stuff immediately. The chorus for me is very memorable but I reckon you could really beef it up with some thrash guitar and insanely high backing vocals? Maybe just my strange imagination. Good stuff bro 

[Paulski]

Hi Yoda
Super catchy chorus and this has a modern pop feel.
Vocals are good esp in the high range.
If you were to pitch this I think it would need better drums though.
They are very muddy in my phones whereas I wanted a pumping thumping dance floor beat with a loud snappy snare.
But that's all presentation isn't it - the song is there 
Paul

[boolio]

Hi,

Yes, I guess this is a genre that doesn't resonate with me too often but the fact that I'm still humming it means I must have crossed some kind of musical bridge after the first listen!

It's super-catchy and maybe with some lyrical tweaking (just my opinion keep or sweep ) this could be massive, today, as it feels in vogue.

Great vocal in the higher volumes/ranges too

Glad you let it see the light of day!  

Phil

[montydog]

Hi,

The Baby chorus is very catchy probably enough on it's own for a modern pop hit because no one takes any notice of the rest of the song anyway. With a modern pop producer this could be a hit record - it needs big thumping percussion and super bright, shiny production. Your vocal is a little strained in places but otherwise you have a lovely modern pop voice which has a very attractive, open quality.

I think you could have a monster hit with this - you just need to get a studio to give it the full works and then hawk it round or ask one of the producer types on here to help you out.

Probably one of the 2 or 3 "most likely to" songs I have ever heard on here.

M

[fischermans]

Very catchy song. Like it a lot. The echo of the voice is cool.
For me only singing is in times not in time and the part at 1.12 is not proper sung I think. Your voice is good but sometimes you made too much pressure on it.
Like it
Alexander