[rikgrimesisdead]

BACKPACK FULL OF FEELINGS

(CHORUS)

When i take off my backpack full of feelings
I am free
No more twists and turns
No more lies or hurt
In front of me…….
When i take off my backpack full of feelings,when i take off my backpack full of feelings

(v1)

See this backpack has some good and bad feelings
They are just weighing me down
So heavy this baggage
Drooping down my shoulders like a sorry frown
But take off one strap and i feel the release
I dont want these rocks on my back
All i want is peace….


(CHORUS)

When i take off my backpack full of feelings
I am free
No more twists and turns
No more lies or hurt
In front of me…….
When i take off my backpack full of feelings,when i take off my backpack full of feelings

(v2)

Now this struggle is out of my head…. and im free
Broke the shackles that looked like straps
And there is no way im heading back
To be a prisoner
Who holds myself back

I am free…….I am free


(CHORUS)

When i take off my backpack full of feelings
I am free
No more twists and turns
No more lies or hurt
In front of me…….
When i take off my backpack full of feelings,when i take off my backpack full of feelings

[hardtwistmusic]

Wonderful concept. . .

Wonderful chorus. 

The verses (in my opinion) need to leave a little "vagueness" instead of spelling it out for us as clearly as you did. 

This has incredible potential in my opinion.  But I would suggest that you keep working the verses and aim for a little more subtlety and less explanation. 

I think this can become a wonderful song. 

[rikgrimesisdead]

thank you for your kind words regarding this,i will look into it

[CaliaMoko]

Unfortunately, I don't have time to develop my ideas for you sufficiently, so here's a little bit of an idea to get you started, if you find it helpful.

Your first verse at present says:

See this backpack has some good and bad feelings
They are just weighing me down
So heavy this baggage
Drooping down my shoulders like a sorry frown
But take off one strap and i feel the release
I don't want these rocks on my back
All i want is peace….

You can broaden the feel of this by just changing the first line...maybe something like:

I am always loaded down with strong emotions
The weight is just dragging me down

That still needs more work, as having the word "down" in both lines is too repetitive, but it's one idea for being less specific.

Good luck with this. I hope to see updates soon.

Vicki

[adamfarr]

Yes, this looks really full of potential. I also wasn't so keen on 'good and bad feelings' as a start. What about something like 'has seen all my history' or 'trekked with me through all weathers'? Also, might there be a better word for drooping? I might try something like dragging or loading.
Your call. But you should definitely persevere with this one.