[ScottLevi]

Hey,

Bit of sarcastic ranting about how people seem to victimise themselves and push the blame on to me (or perhaps I am just a pr*ck).

Think there's a song in there somewhere...

I'm always the bad guy,
But I don't really mean it,
I'm always the bad guy,
At least that's how they see it.

I terrorize without realising,
'Cos that's just who I am.
I cynicise and try to poison
every woman and man.

I'll pulverize all your joys,
And I don't give a damn!
I'll lock your eyes whilst telling lies,
I'm just that kind of man!

I don't pay enough attention,
I do not have the will.
I don't think you're worth a mention,
I do not like to spill.

I like to think I'm thoughtful,
But all those thoughts are sinister.
I'm trying to keep a handle,
But my skin's starting to blister.

I like to think I'm considerate,
But I guess that must be lies.
I'm trying to keep learning,
But my actions never wize.

(bridge?)
Falling to pieces...
The framework around us;
Used to stand strong like steel,
Now blows away like powder.

It really makes me think,
Can we really sustain?
When I'm so full of evil,
and causing all this pain?

(chorus?)
I'm not happy you're not happy
They're not happy we're not happy
I'm not happy you're not happy
They're not happy we're not happy
I get all the blame.

[CaliaMoko]

Yeah, I think there might be a song in there....

I have some ideas for alternatives, if you're interested:

I'm always the bad guy,
But I don't really mean it,
I'm always the bad guy,
At least that's how they see it.

I always wonder who "they" are in phrases like this. Would it work to say, "At least that's how some see it"?

I terrorize without realising,
'Cos that's just who I am.
I cynicise and try to poison
every woman and man.

The rhythm of your last line doesn't fit for me. You might use "Every woman, every man". ??

I like to think I'm thoughtful,
But all those thoughts are sinister.
I'm trying to keep a handle,
But my skin's starting to blister.

The last line feels a little like it might have been a compromise in order to find something to rhyme with sinister. Maybe? Sinister is hard to rhyme. Some alternative words that might provide inspiration are: vinegar, minister, inquisitor, administer, finisher, insecure, listener, prisoner, mimicker. If it already says exactly what you want, of course, just ignore this.

The section you have labeled "chorus?" works for me as a chorus. I might change it a little to get rid of the "They're not happy". What do you think of combining the short verses you have and make half as many verses twice as long, and put the choruses in between? Maybe two verses before the first chorus. Then you might end up with something like:

I'm always the bad guy, But I don't really mean it,
I'm always the bad guy, At least that's how they see it.
I terrorize without realising, 'Cos that's just who I am.
I cynicise and try to poison every woman and man.

I'll pulverize all your joys, And I don't give a damn!
I'll lock your eyes whilst telling lies, I'm just that kind of man!
I don't pay enough attention, I do not have the will.
I don't think you're worth a mention, I do not like to spill.

I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I get all the blame.

I like to think I'm thoughtful, But all those thoughts are sinister.
I'm trying to keep a handle, But my skin's starting to blister.
I like to think I'm considerate, But I guess that must be lies.
I'm trying to keep learning, But my actions never wize.

I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I get all the blame.

Bridge
Falling to pieces...
The framework around us;
Used to stand strong like steel,
Now blows away like powder.

I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I'm not happy you're not happy
We're not happy, no one's happy
I get all the blame.

Anyway, just a few ideas that may or may not strike a chord with you. Feel free, of course, to ditch the lot or use anything that appeals to you.

Vicki

[ScottLevi]

Vicki you really are an absolute gem.

Firstly the structure, muchly appreciated. I usually write 1-2 verses, make a structure then fill the rest in - but this mass of ramblings really got me flustered. I've mostly kept with what you've suggested with minute shuffling.

Really proves having an outside person to take a look can make a big difference with some of the wording. The use of "they" for example is because in my mind, I'm targeting some individuals - but want the song to be more generic (I've kept it in the intro because it flows easier but removed from the chorus). Same with the blister line - made sense to me but looking back after your mention it is completely out of character with the rest of the song - so I've reworded and re-ordered as I think 'but this may be the finisher' suits the end of the verse better xD

"Every woman and man" is one I should've picked up on - doesn't go right at all! Met in the middle somewhere, kept an "an" rather than the comma but put 'every' in again - works with how I'm reading it now at least.


<sub>Intro
I'm always the bad guy, but I don't really mean it,
I'm always the bad guy, at least that's how they see it.
I terrorize without realising, 'cos that's just who I am.
I cynicise and try to poison, every woman an' every man.

V1
I'll pulverize all your joys, And I don't give a damn!
I'll lock your eyes whilst telling lies, I'm just that kind of man!
I don't pay enough attention, I do not have the will.
There may be more to mention, I don't like to spill

Chorus
I'm not happy, you're not happy
We're not happy, no-one's happy,
I'm not happy, you're not happy
We're not happy, no-one's happy,
I get all the blame.

V2
I like to think I'm considerate, but I guess that must be lies.
I'm trying to keep learning, but my actions never wize.
I like to think I'm thoughtful, but all those thoughts are sinister.
I'm trying to keep a handle, but this may be the finisher.

Chorus

Bridge
Falling to pieces...
The framework around us;
Used to stand strong like steel,
Now blows away like powder.

Chorus

Outro
It really makes me think,
Can we really sustain?
When I'm so full of evil,
and causing all this pain?</sub>


After you pointed out blister I had a similar feeling with "Name's not worth worth a mention, and I don't like to spill." I've changed it to "There may be more to mention, I don't like to spill" for now but feel like I'm too obviously avoiding using the word but which is dominated in the next verse.

Somehow I think we might just have a story now; two verses which are relatively focused within but contrast with each other, a potentially hooky chorus and even a bridge & outro which make some sort of sense to the overall progression (imo anyway).

Next is the hard part...

[CaliaMoko]

It's always a privilege to be of assistance.

[Vintage54]

   Hi Scott,
     Bit late coming to this one, still playing catch up after an absence. This is a good solid write with plenty of good lines. The standout for me though is

      I'll lock your eyes whilst telling lies
      I'm just that kind of man.

  The chorus is easily sung, and grabs the attention.

                      Good stuff
                          Vintage54